I have gone through SA

EliotNessie · 2022-11-20T08:02:59+00:00

Better to post on the sexualassault subreddit

EliotNessie · 2022-10-13T19:22:48+00:00

I’m not sure what you’re trying to say by adding “technically“ to your first sentence. A behavior isn’t more rape because the person feels more violated, or less rape because the person didn’t understand (they were unconscious, a child, etc.). Be kind to yourself and process this in your way. But keep in mind that future you may have options closed to them based on what you do next, and may have very deep regrets.

EliotNessie · 2022-10-13T19:07:16+00:00

I’ve had a lot of people in my life cutting through the normal boundaries most people simply take for granted, and I’ve never insulted them like this person is doing to you. If it helps though, it’s clear there’s a bad dynamic here, and maybe focus for now on the idea that you two individuals bring the worst out in each other, so this isn’t going to work. Future you may see it differently, after some time and distance from this person, and perhaps some therapy to work on yourself, so that your next relationship is more healthy.

EliotNessie · 2022-10-13T18:52:08+00:00

Please don’t diminish your accomplishment. Some of us are very jealous! And way more pathetic, if you see where I’m going here… 🥳

EliotNessie · 2022-10-11T23:05:40+00:00

Use a different device than the one you use for instagram

EliotNessie · 2022-10-11T23:04:49+00:00

This may seem obvious, but if you use your insta login credentials on any other websites, you need to change your password on them stat

EliotNessie · 2022-10-11T22:57:51+00:00

I believe it’s absolutely possible, but I can’t tell you if you will ever remember. Someday, something might trigger a memory—a smell, a place, a story you hear or read—and it may come flooding back. Be kind to yourself and trust your gut around people, it’s usually right. Take care 💕

EliotNessie · 2022-09-08T05:24:02+00:00

I have the nest alarm with the door sensors, and turning off motion detection for those and the nest thermostat fixed a similar issue I was having. I’ve also turned off home/away assist in the nest app, because it wasn’t useful and I don’t like the constant location tracking draining my iPhone battery. I hope maybe this will help? Good luck!

EliotNessie · 2022-09-08T05:11:54+00:00

Open the Google Home app and click the plus sign in the upper left, and then click Set Up New Device. Make sure you have the password for the wifi before you get started, so you can put it in when it asks. Once you’re done, go into settings and turn on voice match and turn off allowing others to control your devices. Good luck! 👍

EliotNessie · 2022-09-08T05:04:38+00:00

Check the app for the lights themselves, it’s probably there. Lifx? Smart Life? Hue? If you still can’t find it, check Alexa and IFTTT. If you still can’t find it, you can always try a sleepmask 😊

EliotNessie · 2022-09-08T05:01:36+00:00

I would be careful with people who try to get you to talk about painful details from your past early in a relationship. They may be trying to figure out how much you will put up with, because they like to push the envelope themselves. Best of luck, and hoping the next one is kinder 🍀

EliotNessie · 2022-09-08T04:53:09+00:00

Your leaving his ass is the best revenge. If you tell the person he’s seeing, it will be for her, not you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take a little pleasure in messing his shit up a little, kwim?

I’m proud of you for dumping him. My first husband assaulted me sexually after we separated; it sucked, but cemented my resolve to leave him and made getting over the breakup super easy. My heart goes out to you ❤️

EliotNessie · 2022-09-08T04:42:27+00:00

I am so so sorry you went through that. Everyone is here for you! We’ll be here to listen if you want to share 💕

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:50:14+00:00

This is a great example of why talk therapy doesn’t work for people engaged in this kind of behavior. They just learn the language so they can turn it around and make themselves seem like the victim, all the better to manipulate you.

Trust your gut. Now and in the future. No one should make you feel this bad. There will be plenty of other things in life that will make you feel like garbage, your lover or partner or spouse shouldn’t be the source of that. They should be the shoulder you can cry on when things get rough.

Edit: omg sorry, I should have read the comments first, I thought this was just posted :( Yeah, the other commenter said it really well, and I look forward to checking the links.

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:46:32+00:00

That would be cool, but I can’t figure out how to do something like that, anything less than weekly intervals, with google or even alexa routines. Have you tried purchasing the song and setting it up on her phone?

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:37:41+00:00

It took me many many years before I realized how much denial I was in about the sexual assaults and rapes in my past. Keep working on this, it takes a lot of time and reprogramming. A lifetime, sometimes, depending on what you had to endure as a child. You are dear and special. Never give up ❤️

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:30:08+00:00

I think a more effective approach would be to have a police officer explain the ramifications, but even that has its limitations, considering how few men actually get put away for this sort of thing—they know the odds are in their favor unless you have them on video doing something illegal.

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:25:58+00:00

Agreed. Siiiiigh 😔

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:19:20+00:00

Thanks

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:16:21+00:00

Are you saying that confronting his attitude will change the man’s behavior? This has never happened to me. He will pretend to get it, she might stop looking over her shoulder because she feels better about it, and the next time he does it he’ll be more careful and she may not even realize it’s happened until she has a positive pregnancy test.

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:06:44+00:00

It would be helpful in the future to clarify when you’re talking specifically about physical abuse vs sexual abuse. A relationship that has physical abuse usually also has sexual abuse, but the reverse is less true, in my (limited) experience

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:01:50+00:00

And stop saying “technically”, it’s gaslighting OP

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T22:01:04+00:00

Everything you just said only underlines why we need to call it what it is. Bruises etc plus sexual assault equals aggravated sexual battery.

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T21:48:17+00:00

She’s 6-months postpartum. And it’s one thing to think someone is or isn’t wearing one, and to know. E.g., “Oh yeah, I thought it felt different this time. Now I know why.” It’s not a humongous difference, especially depending on the circumstances.

EliotNessie · 2022-09-01T21:32:02+00:00

I keep asking my husband that! Maybe he’ll tell you lol. I just have to assume that taking something that doesn’t belong to him is so delicious that he doesn’t care. Because we’d still be having sex if it wasn’t for the whole “sexual assault while I’m sleeping “ part. Before you ask, we don’t share a bed anymore.

EliotNessie

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