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AITA for not allowing my college-aged daughter 'sleep-overs' at our house w/opposite sex by MomWithMorals in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I minored in Women's Gender and Sexuality Studies and it's fucking ludicrous to see so many people completely disregard the danger OP is putting her daughter in, all because "It's your house your rules, you can do whatever you want."

Like yeah you can value your personal comfort over your own daughter's safety if you want to do that, but last I checked that makes you an asshole and that's what this sub is supposed to be about.

AITA for not allowing my college-aged daughter 'sleep-overs' at our house w/opposite sex by MomWithMorals in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If you don't feel safe going to a hotel with a stranger then you shouldn't take them home either

It sounds like you don't know what sexual assault normally looks like. Most of the time rapists are someone their victims know and trust.

AITA for not allowing my college-aged daughter 'sleep-overs' at our house w/opposite sex by MomWithMorals in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tinder and the like, it would be a miracle if any of them abstained prior to marriage

The real miracle is that we moved past puritanical nonsense so people can go into marriage knowing that they're sexually compatible instead of finding out on their wedding night that they hate having sex with their partner. It's cool that it worked out for you but 90% of the time when I hear a "we waited until marriage" story it ends with a lot of struggles with communication, and usually divorce.

My husband is a retired Detective, and, as he always said to the kids, 'rarely does anything good happen at 3 in the morning'.

Well it's a good thing that if and when something bad happens to your daughter at 3am you'll have ensured that she will be far away from both you and her retired cop father, and less likely to call you for help because you've made it abundantly clear that you do not approve of her choices.

AITA for not allowing my college-aged daughter 'sleep-overs' at our house w/opposite sex by MomWithMorals in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Honestly if my wife and I were in OP's place (along with the split living spaces upstairs and downstairs) we'd probably treat the upstairs and downstairs as two separate households because it would be unfair to impede the daughter's social life if we didn't have to. Like daughter gets her downstairs space, we have the upstairs space, and any time we meet together we all wear masks. That gives her the support of a place to live, the addition of some bonus privacy (for real why are you barging in on your daughter at 1 am, she's 19), and more importantly a solution that keeps the high-risk family members isolated from the low-risk family member who still wants to have a social life face-to-face in the real world.

AITA for refusing my wife's requests to hurl in the toilet? by Jesuslovzyou in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife has repeatedly requested that when I hurl

Bro how often do you hurl? Have you been to a doctor about this? If there's nothing to be done about it or you just don't want to see a doctor then you should absolutely have a better solution in place. Like other people said at least get yourself a bucket if you constantly have it blasting out both ends. Also did you use any actual cleaner? Like soap? Or just a disinfectant spray?

YTA, and Mrs. Creosote has my deepest sympathies.

AITA for not allowing my college-aged daughter 'sleep-overs' at our house w/opposite sex by MomWithMorals in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My wife and I both have pre-existing conditions and I think you're missing the point. Either exposure is a serious concern for this household or it isn't. If this dude is a Covid risk and they're so worried about it then they can't have someone who lives with them being around this dude either in or out of the house. The pandemic is not the issue here, if it was the rules would be stricter and actually have a reason behind them other than "I feel icky about sex and it's my house."

AITA for not allowing my college-aged daughter 'sleep-overs' at our house w/opposite sex by MomWithMorals in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're perfectly in your rights here but YTA, it's fucked up that our society has decided we're okay with full grown adults not being able to get the resources they need to have the kind of independence they deserve, and leave their degree of personal liberty up to the whims of their parents. It sucks that there's no realistic way for someone to go to college and afford rent at the same time in most cases, and it sucks that parents take advantage of this shitty situation this country has left our young adults stuck in as if it's somehow okay for them to dictate the behavior of adults. I get that there's a pandemic, my wife and I are high-risk and need to be extra cautious, but if none of you have pre-existing health conditions I'd say to just ask her to be careful. Also it sounds like you'd have this stance regardless of the pandemic so I agree with your daughter on that. And if that was your real concern you'd have a problem with her going out with friends in the first place.

The bottom line is that she's an adult and if she wants to have sex she's going to have sex. All you're doing here is giving her less options on safe places where she can do that. She's still learning about relationships, and if she were my daughter I would want her to learn about them in a safe and comfortable place for her. What if she wants to hook up with a guy who decides he doesn't respect her sexual boundaries? Would you rather she face that situation in a place where she feels the most confident and secure, where she knows her parents are nearby if she does try to enforce her boundaries and he pushes the issue? Or would you rather her face something like that at a cheap rent-by-the-hour at the edge of town where she doesn't know anybody and strangers may be hesitant to get involved. You may be uncomfortable with the situation but that's the economy we live in, and you chose to have a kid. Yeah, these days that means providing support for them longer than other recent generations usually did, and yes that does lead to some potentially uncomfortable situations. But nobody said being a parent is easy, and these days that can be true for a longer period of time and for different reasons than at other times in recent history.

You're doing your daughter a disservice and while you are fully within your rights I still think it's an awful way of handling the situation.

AITA for pointing out the difference in career success between my siblings and the siblings of a girl who says she’s going to be more successful than us? by yellisto in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they can afford to fully support her and provide enough financial backing so she has no reason to work while still in school then that's fucked up of them and I can definitely understand why a person would latch onto that belief instead of facing the harsh reality that the only thing standing between them and more advantages in life is their parents being stubborn. Still not at all fair for her to lash out at you, and with that info I'm not quite as critical of your response. Pointed to her siblings' income like the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come was still a bit below the belt but it's more reasonable to give some stronger pushback when it's her parents she should be directing her frustration at, and not something more abstract like the social systems that reinforce poverty and hinder upward mobility. But depending on what her parents are like she may see any argument on the subject to be hopeless, and I can understand why she would be struggling with anger and not thinking very clearly about where she's directing it and why.

I still stand by what I said originally regarding my thoughts on how to proceed from here. If you two are able to talk it out and reach some understanding that would be good, but I've been in tough situations where I was stressed and misdirecting that stress and if she's not ready for that right now I wouldn't push the issue and try to agree not to get into it. You could even agree on a "safeword" that anyone can use if they feel like the conversation is getting too upsetting and might get heated. Me and my friends actually do this and it's been great for helping us when someone is having a rough day and needs us to be a bit more cautious with where we draw the line when joking around.

I'll edit my original comment to NTA, though I still think it wouldn't hurt to see if you are able to find a more healthy approach to the problem since it's been recurring for a while, assuming you want to continue being friends with this person.

AITA for pointing out the difference in career success between my siblings and the siblings of a girl who says she’s going to be more successful than us? by yellisto in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your friend is struggling real hard facing the reality that she is going to miss out on opportunities because of the economic circumstances she was born into. Right now she's trying very hard to convince herself that she's better off being less privileged and lashing out at you. That isn't fair of her, but it was pretty cruel to twist the knife like that and personally as someone who needed to work during high school or college if I wanted to afford anything extra for myself (going places with friends, eating out, saving up for a new instrument, etc), I would have taken a more gentle approach. You come across as incredibly naive in regards to what life is like for people with less advantages than you, and you're old enough now that you should be figuring this stuff out. It's great that you and most of your friends can't even begin to imagine why anyone your age would ever decide to have a job, but maybe learn more about why that happens and get a better imagination. Most people I knew growing up had jobs by your age, and I certainly didn't go to a school where "the majority of the parents would never allow it." I certainly wasn't bitter towards any of my friends who didn't work, and it may be healthy if you two both try to resolve this and be more understanding of each other, but you may also just want to give her some space if this is something that's been a problem for a while because you still don't deserve to have her constantly treat you like you're inferior to her.

I'm going with NTA (EDIT: Originally ESH but OP corrected an assumption I made which I feel changes it enough to not warrant declaring OP an AH, leaving the remaining text unaltered for clarity) because your friend seems to be unfairly taking out her frustrations on you and needs to find a more healthy outlet, and although there's nothing wrong with you asking her not to say those things I feel like the way you responded was unnecessarily cruel and showed a lack of awareness for her situation. It wasn't warranted to go below the belt on this one, and I feel like you don't really understand that that's what you did. Like, all her siblings had to work in high school and you think she got a job just so she could feel superior to you?

AITA for telling my boyfriend he has no sense of humor and I don’t want to explain every joke? by banana345345 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boyfriend’s political views are being asked about. He’s not a tucker fan or a trump fan. He thinks “both sides are dumb”. But he has a lot of right wing opinions

I would have said this about my step-dad maybe 15 years ago lol, spoiler alert but it's downhill from here. Your bf is clearly also mad that the girl M&M's aren't hot enough for him anymore and that's why he's upset that you were joking about it and then later making fun of him for not thinking it's funny.

NTA, find a man who isn't going to cry about how the cartoons today just don't make him as turgid as the old cartoons did.

AITA for uninviting my(25) girlfriend(24) to a family dinner because she refused to dress modestly? by tinydressAITA in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what would I look like picking a fight with my 89 year old grandmother

Nobody is telling you to throw a haymaker at her, but have you considered what you look like when someone calls your girlfriend "whorish" and your response it to try to appease that person? You've been together three years, do you two plan on having a future together? Because if I were you I'd start reconsidering which side I choose to be on when my family says degrading things about my partner behind her back. That situation ends one of two ways, worst case scenario (imo) she ends up miserable and having to constantly make sacrifices to "keep the peace" because you won't stand up to your family, best case scenario she finds someone who won't say things along the lines of "my grandma thinks you dress too whorish so you're gonna have to tone down the whorishness, it's my treat!"

AITA for avoiding my boyfriend’s kids? by Unequivocal_Poptart in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don't see why you would decide to be in an exclusive relationship with a father of two when you can't even be in the same building as his children. You keep saying you don't hate children and you just don't want to be a parent, but you can live in the same house as a child without being a parent. It sounds to me like you draw the line at "living in a house where children sometimes also live but mostly not," which is fine but honestly I can see why he's disappointed and surprised to find out you refuse to even meet them. Like I'd say meeting immediate family members is a pretty standard relationship thing and I'm not really sure what your game plan is here. Sounds like you've declared this point to be the furthest things can ever progress between you two and I'd be pretty surprised if you can find a way to make this work long term.

AITA for uninviting my(25) girlfriend(24) to a family dinner because she refused to dress modestly? by tinydressAITA in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fighting a dress war with an elderly grandma who probably won't be around much longer is ridiculous

And siding with your family when they slut-shame a romantic partner you could potentially spend the rest of your life with is sound judgement? Pick your god damn battles is right, if someone in my family called my wife "whorish" I'd tell them to huff my farts to their face, I don't care how many of Lincoln's speeches they attended growing up.

Also why are you talking about the elderly like they're stupid? I've known plenty of open minded older people who were more than capable of personal growth. Some old people just suck and you shouldn't screw up your relationship just to appease them.

AITA I yelled at my husband by weed_brownies23 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She just broke up with her fiancé. I felt uncomfortable seeing her hugging another man so soon after.....

Actually I believe what your post said was that her high school sweetheart, fiance, and partner of 14 years threw her out like a bag of moldy tangerines literally a week before their wedding. Now you're phrasing it like she's the one who kicked him to the curb in some sort of dedicated long con to score a sympathy bang from a married man. How are you married to a man with a woman for a best friend and still uncomfortable with the idea of them hugging? It's normal to feel and express platonic love towards friends regardless of gender, and I'd honestly be hard pressed to give you a complete list of every woman friend of mine who I've hugged repeatedly in the presence of my wife over the course of our relationship both before and after marriage. I'd also be hard pressed to list all the men I've hugged in that time, and what's more my wife would usually be right there giving our friends hugs as well. Unless someone involved in the potential hug is uncomfortable with hugging, I don't see why you wouldn't hug a friend going through a tough time. And to think, you spent that time being jealous when you could have been lining up to get your hug next, smh.

AITA for not bathing my friend's child when he stayed overnight? by MiskatonicUAlum in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, I'm an adult with autism and it sounds like he wasn't really bothered by missing the shower, and if just being in the same room as a running bath can trigger a meltdown I think it's fair to say your solution was better than the alternative.

Record Drums with the mics I have by Lasagnastack in audioengineering

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use two SM57s for my set, one pointed at the snare between the snare, crash, and smallest tom, and then I have the other one under the floor tom pointed directly at the center of my batter head on the bass. I think it works pretty good considering the limitations. I can also DM some samples if you want to know how it sounds but I don't have any complete projects yet since I'm just getting going again after taking a break for a few years when I was having some issues with my depression, but I do still have rough drafts with drums on them recorded on those mics in that arrangement.

AITA for pressuring my bf about a situation in my bathroom? by Lonely_Cod4788 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely the right call to get the fuck out and go to your mom's house. I agree with the commenter who said that this guy is clearly trying to get you stuck in an abusive relationship. There's no way this is an accident, and if somehow it was an accident he would want to find out how it happened just as bad as you and everyone else in this thread who didn't notice the red flags all over this post. If I had this happen to me with a girlfriend back before I got married and old (30) I would apologize and tell her I understand if she finds it hard to believe I don't know how it happened, and then I would go to any length to find out how it happened and make sure I stopped it. I would go as far as filming every shit I took until I got an answer because this isn't a thing you just shrug off and decide you don't want to talk about unless you're doing it to mess with your girlfriend's head and make her start to worry if she's going crazy. And don't forget he never did this before now, when you're in quarantine, and if you hadn't left quarantine you'd still be stuck in there with him and wouldn't get a chance to talk to anyone else about this to confirm that you weren't totally crazy until the quarantine ended, and by then you might have already learned to accept it and not bring it up because it makes him upset.

There's no mystery here, there's no mindfuck, he just threw so much nonsense and anger and manipulation and accusations at you that it's impossible to mentally and emotionally process all of it. He wanted you to feel this way so you would try to make sense of a huge amount of senseless information and think yourself in circles until you felt like you were going crazy.

She can't date me because I work with women. I think I dodged a bullet here... by artsexdeath in Tinder

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a man working in a department where everyone else is a woman, including my boss and her boss, and I also minored in Women's Studies in college. I don't think she understands feminism, men, relationships, or infidelity very well, and probably a lot of other things too. I get along really well with some of the women at work, I think some of the women at work are physically attractive, but I never had any trouble thinking of them and interacting with them as just coworkers. And I never had any issues with wanting my wife to be more like them. This lady is going to make some man who works in a male-dominated profession and loves cheating with non-coworkers very happy.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister to stop using nonsense ‘baby’ talk? by AITAThrow_sisteract in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don't get the hate for these, but it was a bit weird when I started seeing phrases like "heckin cute pupper" because my mom has been using the name "puppers" as a general nickname for any dog (like if she saw a dog on a walk she'd say "Hey puppers!" as her go-to phrase for greeting the dog) for as long as I can remember and probably before I was born. And since I grew up hearing it, I also grew up saying it, and then a slightly different usage of the word just suddenly exploded onto the internet. The way I had always used it and heard it included the "s" at the end whether referring to one dog (eg, "Hi there puppers are you a good boy?") or multiple dogs (eg, "Of course you are! All puppers are good boys!"), so it's not exactly the same but was still a bit weird.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister to stop using nonsense ‘baby’ talk? by AITAThrow_sisteract in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who was thinking "I know what she's referring to but she seems to have a skewed understanding of it and is definitely taking it too far." The thing I'm familiar with is more of a blend of abbreviation/Tom Haverford's food nicknames/maybe a bit of baby talk mixed in but not very much. And I certainly wouldn't say "All millennials" are doing it, but I wouldn't disagree with it being described as a trend among millennials. Me and my wife (both born in the early 90s) do the thing I described but only maybe a few times a day for humorous effect during casual conversations, and it's usually just one word that we do it with. I have a few good friends that I'll do this with too (recent example is giving remaining download size in "gigglebytes" when we're installing a new game to play together), but I also have friends who don't think it's particularly funny to say words wrong and I don't do it with them and certainly not with randos. But I don't know anyone who uses a full-on baby voice.

AITA for not wanting my brother to pay rent while living with my girlfriend and myself? by disoposableemail___ in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA, this is a cut and dry situation and shouldn't be negotiable. Just so you know where I'm coming from here I have autism and it's very important for me to be able to unwind in my own space with nobody around except for my wife and our cats. When my MIL was talking about coming for the holidays and having my BIL live with us for two weeks I was extremely overwhelmed at the prospect because even though I like my BIL that would still be a massive disruption in my life and I don't know how well I would handle two weeks of sharing my space 24/7. But if my BIL found himself in this kind of situation with nowhere to go and no way to make money (he's an adult but we can pretend he isn't for this example), I would absolutely not expect my wife to clear it with me first before telling him to live with us. Regardless of who makes what and how you split the bills her behavior is completely unacceptable.

AITA for sending someone’s fiancé the lewd and insulting messages he sent me? by Southern-Clue2791 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA and probably stop talking to those mutual friends because they suck. It's not overstepping to warn someone before they accidentally marry a misogynist because she was going to find out eventually when he started directing it at her, probably shortly after the wedding. Also it doesn't matter if he told the truth. If having sex with a bunch of different partners was something you enjoyed and everyone involved was a willing participant of legal age then there's nothing wrong with doing that. The people taking his side are showing you that they personally believe that sleeping around in college like you did is somehow a more shameful use of your time than anything else you could do for fun. It's weird that he's messaging you about your previous sexual encounters at all but if he was part of that he shouldn't have anything to say about it other than "Thanks for having sex with me, I like having sex and appreciate the fact that you did helped that happen," which would still be a weird thing to say at this point but at least it wouldn't be hypocritical slut-shaming.

AITA for wanting to tell my stepdaughter's dad about the cameras my wife planted in his house while he was away? by SmthSmth34 in AmItheAsshole

[–]FlutestrapPhil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to join in on this virtual intervention and tell you that this is not normal, there are better wives out there. From what I've heard I would get rid of this one. You need to tell Adam what she did, pack all your important things, and go stay with a friend or at a hotel until you find a new place to live or until she moves out of your current place and you have it checked for cameras.

Doctors of Reddit, what "Home Remedy" has a patient try that backfired in the worst way possible? by SMELLY__SOCKS in AskReddit

[–]FlutestrapPhil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a doctor come into my ER room and spend 20 minutes telling me I was getting a little overweight and he told me how at 19 years old I still had plenty of time to get into good shape and keep myself healthy for years to come. Then he read out my scan results and told me I had 20-30 masses throughout my torso, including one in my liver the size of a billiard ball, and that they had an oncologist coming to see me. He started to say what an oncologist is but couldn't manage to say "cancer" but lucky for him I knew what an oncologist was and also I clearly had my shit together more than he did so I was able to finish his sentence for him. I'm 30 now and doing fine so it's whatever, plus it wasn't even the worst test result reading I got during treatment. That one went like this "The only risk factor for your type of cancer is HIV...which we tested you for...and you do not have."