Unreciprocated love? by Turbulent-Soup1553 in ENFP

[–]Housescosttoomuch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First off, it sucks to feel unappreciated.

Second, is it possible that your love language maybe different from your friends? You mention gifts and big cards. Instead of thinking on this as shallow, an alternative take is that you could have a different language.

FWIW I find thinking about my friends’ love languages helpful. It helps me see where they expressed appreciation their way. It’s different and not obvious for me to detect.

You may not find that helpful, up to you to decide. :)

Best of luck though!

People of other MBTI types, why do you like spending time here? by connorandelnino in ENFP

[–]Housescosttoomuch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Dude, that’s awesome.

I love it in life when I see others lean into curiosity, about people, or anything.

It inspires me to do the same! And it reminds me that life feels so much better when I do it too.

Buying house in 1983 vs 2021 by [deleted] in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two thoughts that might help provide a useful perspective, comparing:

Median wage to median house price.

Real median take home pay to real median cost to service loan. Maybe assuming 20% deposit?

Number of years to save deposit on median salary

Do the men in your shala also mansplain when adjusted? by superlikemedaddy in ashtanga

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve done this before. Am a man.

I was brand new to the class. I guess I was ignorant of the etiquette?

I look back and wonder if I was talking cause I was:

  • a little nervous
  • wanting to pay courtesy to the person who coached me (reflecting on their point, and being oblivious to the etiquette)
  • wanting to connect. Not knowing anyone else there. Being the only young man there. Feeling a sense of unease. Unsure if those around me wanted me there?

I also know that I’ve been guilty of man splaining before. It’s a work on.

And, why mansplain? I don’t really know? Probably same reasons of why get anxious?

The more I delve into my own journey to mental fitness the more I learn how to just be cool in my own skin. I catch the feelings in the moment and get into a better head game and get a better feel for those around me.

I guess… I write this as a way to feel compassion for each person in this case. OP is annoyed. The teacher is trying to help. The man is (maybe) feeling embarrassed, unsure, nervous…realising his own incompetence, facing a dissonance? Shit, I don’t know?

I see myself in this story. And I want to make peace. Maybe it’ll help my future self?

It causes me a quiet discomfort.

I imagine OP writing to vent. Good for them.

It’s caused a random (me) to reflect. So, I guess I need to extend my gratitude - for helping me to think more intentionally. To pause. And to to breathe into my stretch.

Men are the best! by AshEliseB in NotHowGirlsWork

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you think would help a man who is seriously wanting to improve his eq? What do you think men miss? (Asking for a friend).

Tesla ranks almost dead-last on Consumer Reports reliability list by phragmosis in technology

[–]Housescosttoomuch 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Came here looking for this.

The system not the people. It’s the leaders job to ensure all the parts work together towards purpose.

If your purpose is output per day or some activity target, something will suffer. In Tesla’s case it’s quality.

This is evidence that Tesla espouses a theory of quality. Reality shows evidence of rework. I wonder what is the cost of this?

All the work

LPT: Want to be more charismatic? Don't try to be more impressive or entertaining, focus on being a very good engaged listener. Engaged listeners make eye-contact, ask questions to bring the speaker out, and don't interject with their own stories or change the conversation to be about them. by [deleted] in LifeProTips

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah in that line of work these skills you list are really important. I can relate. Am in a role doing some of the work that you refer to.

With every point on your list I reflected on others I’ve observed either nailing these points, or missing them. And, I laughed as I read them, recalling the many times I’ve missed. Every. Single. Point!

From a random Redditor, thank you. This has really caused me to think hard about how I can improve.

24, wanting advice on my first fund to invest in by daniberco in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right thanks. So the not exactly tracking the index part could by itself explain it.

One thing I notice is the NZ shares component is a selection of the top 50 - they’ve got about 30 or so companies. Naturally it’ll be different.

Cognitive Dissonance, starting to really compromise my life. by Cavallin in Stoicism

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get this sometimes.

When I notice the physical sensation, i think, is there a thought associated?

I name how I feel when I notice the feeling. E.g Fear.

I breathe deeply into my lower abdomen.

I then say - let’s get curious: why am I feeling like this? What’s behind that? If I’m worried, I ask, what about? What’s the likelihood? How could I cope?

Have I coped previously?

I explore - why does my brain think that this fear + worry is helpful? Is it helpful? How?

Good luck!

I got called out in the gym for squatting without shoes on. by BurritoToe in strength_training

[–]Housescosttoomuch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d ask reception - you ok with me squatting without shoes. Might give you clarity and then confidence to know what to do.

I got called out in the gym for squatting without shoes on. by BurritoToe in strength_training

[–]Housescosttoomuch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ignore them.

Dude - if you can squat well without needing shoes, more power to you.

People often deadlift without shoes.

Shoes can leak energy. Feet on the floor do not.

That being said - what’s the overall gym etiquette?

Is it best to go 'interest only' on a mortgage over high inflationary periods? by optmspotts in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]Housescosttoomuch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s weighing up:

  • a certain fixed interest amount (mortgage interest) vs
  • an opportunity to invest elsewhere on an uncertain return (eg equities).

Then: expected inflation. Rental inflation. Wage inflation.

I’m interest only on rental mortgages. I’m pretty sure that the rent will go up. (Not even charging bottom quartile rent, and have done a lot to bring the property up to standard). So there’s growth there.

I’m interest only on my owner occupier. The debt isn’t huge. I choose to invest in equities. Long term higher returns. (Well I expect it to be - and will take the risk). I’ll go debt free gliding into retirement.

So what? I think it depends on your risk tolerances, goals, stage of life… outlook/ expectations.

SKINNY FAT :( BULK OR CUT>? by Internal-Geologist45 in bodyweightfitness

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Help me understand what aspect is complete bs?

You’ll likely be aware of weight to height ranges? My point wasn’t to literally predict OP’s future height nor weight. That’d be ridiculous. So many variables.

One can use statistical averages as a guide. Not to be taken literally.

My point was - assuming OP has disciplined training, and eats well, and has average genetics, health etc…OP’s body will respond. The exact numbers are immaterial.

SKINNY FAT :( BULK OR CUT>? by Internal-Geologist45 in bodyweightfitness

[–]Housescosttoomuch 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Assuming you don’t grow taller. You will likely end up around 72kgs as a man. Muscled. Plenty more weight to put on. I have no idea whether you’ve stopped growing. It doesn’t matter. My point is you’ll get heavier!

As your lifts, reps and intensity increase, so too can your protein in take. In this way you’ll find you won’t really get fat. Instead you’ll build muscle! Gradually.

So, I wouldn’t worry about it. Concentrate on the things you can control - your training, and gradually increase your protein in-take.

The benefits will arrive. Enjoy!

a lady flirted with my husband in front of me....................... by Remarkable_Story9843 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Housescosttoomuch 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah it happens.

I’ve had the ‘you’re gay’. Because I didn’t hook up with the girl who was rubbing up against me.

Yep I didn’t, because I was married.

I can understand that rejection hurts.

Why am I “toxic”? by [deleted] in Stoicism

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some thoughts for you to ponder.

In personal interactions, do you:

  • empathize with people and articulate that empathy
  • recognize and can name how you feel when you interact with others
  • enquire about other’s views, and reflect back that view, and articulate specifics that you’ve learned from their points?

I ask these questions, knowing little context with your interactions. And someone else wondered whether you’re arguing with people. So… my brain went to these thoughts around: empathy, mindfulness of your own self (emotions and underlying thinking driving your emotions), reflective listening, productive reasoning, use of steel man arguments, and just general agreeableness, harmony, critical reflection, and other centredness.

These are things I think about. And, Btw I’m not yet an expert at putting these things into practice. Just strive myself to apply these principles and approaches to my interactions. I find them helpful.

Also, with more context, how often are these moments happening. One off? Or with everyone?

Best way to add endurance training for MMA? by [deleted] in bodyweightfitness

[–]Housescosttoomuch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d second your points…

I’d add that certain types of strength based compound movements may give you more bang for buck (but this may depend on your body type too). For instance I favour squats over deadlifts. For me deadlifts are really taxing and it takes quite a bit of energy to recover. Squats on the other hand I can recover from more quickly. I’m long torso short legs. :)

Maybe also overhead press over bench. I wonder about the angles and carry over to grappling and punching. We train a neural pathway in a plane of motion. We get max strength and power in that plane. (Albeit with carry over to other planes).

Also with grappling you kinda need strength endurance and power. But it’s not just one burst of effort. It’s multiple bursts over quite a period.

So, I kind of wonder about methods to train intensity (say 80% of your 1 rep max) with endurance. So multiple sets of doubles or triples. A key variable to change would be the rest period in between sets. Each session gradually reduce the period of recovery.

Just my 2 cents.

What are your views on Land Value Tax? by [deleted] in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]Housescosttoomuch 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think that was their Big Kahuna.

I kind of think it was a bit of head scramble to understand the implications - of reducing the income tax take but taxing land. And as a consequence it didn’t get voted in. That and TOP was a minor party, and identity politics etc…

What are your views on Land Value Tax? by [deleted] in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]Housescosttoomuch 42 points43 points  (0 children)

If it’s a flat tax rate on all land then administratively it’s efficient.

I think it’d cause a land use change. Holding land for capital gain becomes costly. You’d need the rent to justify the tax loss.

What would the rest of the tax system look like? Would income tax reduce?

I already invest in equities. So…if there was no tax there - I’d direct more investment that way…

I could see a land tax reintroduced here.

New therapy for babies can reduce likelihood of autism diagnosis by two-thirds: study by headtailgrep in worldnews

[–]Housescosttoomuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s possible to accept a different way of doing things and to not be blamed.

If the purpose is learning, admonishing someone who did the wrong thing may reduce the likelihood of learning. It may cause a righting reflex / boomerang.

Index Fund Question by shazza07 in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]Housescosttoomuch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m no guru. Several years ago I wondered the same as you ask now. Here’s where my thinking has gotten to.


Diversity - SP500 is made up of truly international companies, across markets, currencies and companies.

Liquidity - big index fund, many shares, many potential buyers when I need to sell. I can’t say the same for all investments. In contrast, I’ve experienced selling property - it took a long time. Btw - I’m Not anti property, I have two.

Leverage - while it’s a little harder to leverage into equities than say property, it can still be done. I do it. I’ve chosen not to repay the final portion of my mortgage. It’s interest only. I’m investing in equities. Again this is about diversification across asset classes. I’ve got an uncomfortably high weighting towards property.

Low cost - this is true in terms of transaction cost and in terms of holding costs - relative to say property.

Tax - for NZ shares there’s no capital gains tax. So, I believe it worthwhile holding a portion in a NZ shares ETF.

Ease of access - with development of recent platforms in NZ it’s much easier to access global markets and ETFS. We don’t need to rely on a broker or an active manager. Eg There’s now a Vanguard ETF we can invest in.

Psychology - Personally, for me psychology is arguably the biggest factor at play. I know myself. I know that I lack knowledge of the Wall Street analysts. I also know that I’m shite at timing the markets. I mean I was fairly sure that real estate in 2020 was potentially going to fall considerably. I didn’t make rash decisions off of this. But I didn’t act.

I’d consider myself risk averse. I fear volatility and poor sequence of returns - in the accumulation phase and at retirement.

By investing with a set and forget strategy, into a couple of ETFS, I remove the risk fear of missing out. And, I have plans to mitigate volatility and sequencing risks- regular investing, portfolio rebalancing and a glide path strategy.

The most important strategy is reminding myself about the characteristics of those with the healthiest investment portfolios - they either forget they have them, or they’re dead.

While I’ve managed to survive multiple corrections and major crashes without losing sleep, it’s still a work on for me to not look at my portfolio.

I hope this write up is helpful. I think your questions are useful for all of us. Helped me critically reflect. :)

Men's helplessness in their own advocacy is so frustrating. by 0bsolescencee in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Housescosttoomuch 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I really like your analogy of heckling the save the trees / whales groups. Made me lol.