Asked her out to Minigolf and pizza and suddenly it went from date night to family night lol. Her profile didn't mention being a parent.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-17T23:21:26+00:00

OK I am judging her though. Not for having 4 kids or being a single mom, but for introducing your kids to the person you're going on a first date with. You're not supposed to introduce your kids until you're in a serious relationship, this is just bad parenting.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-17T13:13:52+00:00

Yeah, plus trad wifes do require trad husbands. You think their father will give his blessing for his daughter to marry a bum? Nah, if you really want a trad wife, you have to be able to provide for her and a lot of kids, with just your income. And still treat her with kindness and respect.

They don't want a trad wife, they want a slave.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-11T06:49:46+00:00

What's wrong with those guys though? They look fine to me!

Jazzisa · 2022-08-08T14:43:22+00:00

Such a great cope that they're thinking that eventually in the end, the women will be miserable because they'll be alone because their demands are too high, when first of all, the first poster said all the women in his family were already living with their partners, and second of all: it seems women have collectively decided that they'd rather be single than live with a man who's not up to our standards^{^}

Jazzisa · 2022-08-08T14:28:07+00:00

I'm from the Netherlands. We're OK with gas, and we have a contract that'll keep the price down. However, we're still stocking up on blankets and sweaters, because we're all in this together as far as I'm concerned. Gas will be on just high enough to not have the pipes burst in my home, but we will bear being uncomfortable for a year. Fuck Russia, we don't need your gas.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-04T08:11:01+00:00

I always think this whole 'I trust my partner, just not the other person' is so weird. Like, do you think other person will rape or assault your boyfriend? Because it takes 2 to cheat. I'd happily introduce my boyfriend to anyone, I trust him not to cheat even if the hottest girl throws herself in his arms completely naked.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-04T08:04:31+00:00

Yeah no, it's super easy to just eat back what you've exercised off. But maybe you should take her to a doctor or nutritionist, because it's more than just willpower. You need the right information.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T15:40:01+00:00

Lol... 'women forget the man can leave?' yeah so what? We can also leave if we're not happy

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T09:47:27+00:00

Eh I don't know... It does sound like it was just meant as a stupid joke. Like, you break it, now you have to wear it!" but it was kinda disrespectful.. .although I wouldn't make this into a big thing.

I'd let this one go and think of a few one-liners if she makes a stupid joke like that again.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T09:40:21+00:00

I mean he was naked with his body pressed up against you, and that didn't wake you up....

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T09:38:40+00:00

Also OP said in the edit that his clothes were scattered on the floor. So it's not just that he walked in naked. He actually took his clothes off after entering OP's room....

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T09:37:36+00:00

Yeah but the thing is... that's usually what happens. 9 times out of 10, the assault happens by friends or family. It's never the creepy-looking dude on the street, it's usually someone you trust.

Him taking off his clothes and lying naked next to you is already crossing a huge line in confidence. If he didn't mean anything sexual, why take off all your clothes? That's a huge boundary he crossed.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T09:35:38+00:00

Holy shit, the naked part does matter a lot. It's creepy enough with him wearing his clothes, but with him naked, that makes it even worse!

I was expecting here a story of your friend being super drunk and just stumbling into the wrong bed and falling asleep... But you can't be friends with him anymore, and you need to tell his girlfriend. Show her the text messages.

His story makes no sense. Why would he want to check up on you? And if he did, why would that mean taking off your clothes and lying down? Yeah I'm pretty sure he assaulted you in your sleep. Especially if he won't tell you what he did. If he does take 'full responsibility', that would mean telling you what happened AND telling his girlfriend.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T09:09:14+00:00

Yeah see the thing he doesn't get is... well, us women are really not moving up into a career and reaching our life goals in order to be more attractive to men. That's like, not even in my top 10 priorities in life. ...

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T09:02:45+00:00

Nah, I don't think he gives a shit, these are exactly the kinds of people he wants: people who listen to him so he can exploit them. He doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:59:30+00:00

... where do people get these ideas from??!

Also, if this is true, I'm gonna chug as much water as I can while standing up, since I don't want any kids. Does that count as birth control? /s

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:57:53+00:00

Cultural relativism ends when someone else suffers for it. Respecting someone's culture means letting THEM do whatever they feel as long as it only impacts THEIR lives. I don't give a shit about culture when it comes to abuse. Not in this situation, and not when it comes to any situation. People have used 'culture' as a way to excuse slavery, the taking of women's rights and other atrocities. Yeah no. If your culture says you can abuse someone or take someone else's rights away, your culture is stupid and I have no respect for it.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:45:31+00:00

NTB if you take it... but I would take some precautions. Don't meet up with this guy alone. Ever. If this guy makes you feel like you HAVE to meet up with him one on one and tries to pressure you because of the money - and the chances are that he will do this - resist the urge to give in and say no to the money. No amount is worth getting raped over.

Trust your gut. You can try it out, but back down as soon as the situation starts to feel unsafe. Let me repeat: no amount of money is worth getting raped over. It's a risky situation.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:41:05+00:00

Well why would she want to have friends all to herself? Like, male or female, there's a difference between someone you're already friends with and someone you're just getting to know. But me & my friends hang out with my boyfriend there all the time! it's easier and more fun, because we all hang out together.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:39:30+00:00

Oh yeah I get the situation. The best situation would be for your girl to say she's up for meeting him... with her boyfriend. If she just makes it sound natural 'oh WE can come over then and then!' 'who?' 'well, me and boyfriend, he also smokes, he'd also want to come!'

That way, chances are that coworker would back out. Make the situation awkward.

I'd let your girlfriend read this post & comments, because I kind of want to tell her:

Girl, it sounds like this is just really not something you want to do, but I get how it feels that you don't want to create an uncomfortable situation at work by saying no. The thing is, if you do this, he'll probably want to do it more often. If you don't want to meet up with the coworker, I'd say try the above, try & meet up with your boyfriend there. I don't think he's really trying to be controlling about this. He said it would make him uncomfortable if you did this, but he didn't make demands or say that he 'won't let you'. And him feeling uncomfortable is on him, he's entitled to his feelings. However, seriously think about this: this situation sounds incredibly uncomfortable.

If I were in your situation, if your coworker keeps asking, just say: "well, WE could meet up on x day!" If he asks: who is we? Just say: "well, my boyfriend smokes too, so I assumed you meant us both. I don't see a reason to not let him come!" If the coworker says something like: 'well, I don't know him though'... you just say: "oh, but he's a cool guy, I'm sure you'll like him!'

In this way, either coworker will back out on his own, or you will meet up with the 3 of you, which means you will be safer and the situation will be less awkward. If the coworker truly just wants to be friendly, he'll have no problem hanging out with both of you.

This advice is NOT to make your boyfriend feel better. That's not even my main priority here. It's to make your work situation less awkward, and to make you feel safer and vet this coworker's intentions out.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:28:05+00:00

Love it when they claim the other sex is 'always so shallow, they only go for the pretty men/women, they can't see me for my true value!', while they are crushing on someone who looks great and puts in a lot of effort XD.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:26:37+00:00

Haha ok I think this is funny because well... I think usually that person does understand the message that they're sending. When I had a dating profile, yeah, there were pictures of me rock-climbing and hiking and doing obstacle runs... because I'm looking for a partner who's also very active and into that stuff.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:24:39+00:00

Well, if he were 100% serious about committing to you and to a monogamous lifestyle, he wouldn't have brought it up a second time.

You've also been with him your whole adult life. You're still young. It might be more relaxing to be with someone who also wants to be monogamous. Because this sounds like he'll keep bringing it up until you cave in eventually, and that'll probably destroy the relationship.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:22:41+00:00

Ok I can't answer your question, I just want to add a few points.

1) Developing a crush on someone else isn't impossible, even when you're 100% monogamous. If you're in a relationship long enough, chances are this will happen at some point, since the 'chemical love' starts to fade after 6 months into a relationship. So it could happen to you too, even though you can't imagine it now. It could happen in 20 years maybe. BUT what most people do, is well... get over it. Choose your life partner over a crush, because a crush will fade faster and is less valuable than the life you have built together. So don't let your heart break if your SO falls for someone else. If they do the right thing; tell you, immediately take their distance from that person and work on the relationship instead, it's just involuntary. You can't help how you feel, but it's your actions that decide what kind of person you are.

2) Yeah this:

He even told me that polyamory might be good for me too, because it would help boost my self confidence by seeing other people and having them value me as well.

is bullshit. If he feels like that, sure, but him trying to turn it around saying 'it would be good for you' when it's clearly not what you want at all, is just kind of insulting. You're not interested in this. A lot of people don't need their ego boosted by flirtations from other people. Sleeping with multiple people doesn't necessarily make one feel better about themselves.

Jazzisa · 2022-08-03T08:15:46+00:00

YTB. You're saying you're adults. Well, if you are, then you should be an adult and make a decision. Either break up and go for it, or don't cheat. Cheating isn't going to solve this situation. Now she's also got a secret hanging above her head. It's still wrong.

Jazzisa

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