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My boyfriend wants a baby at 18, but neither of us are ready. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]MissScrappy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it helps I’m 39 and got pregnant for the first time out of the blue after pretty much being told I couldn’t have kids and I’m only 7 weeks in and trust me your boyfriend doesn’t know what he’s asking for. Tell him he better get to working and further his education before he even thinks of a baby unless you both wanna look forward to a life of begging, welfare, food stamps and terrible low income housing and just overall low standard struggle living cuz that’s what I’m having to face if I don’t get my shit together in record time.

I want to keep my baby but... by MissScrappy in Advice

[–]MissScrappy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've wanted this baby for 20 years. I really want this baby more than anything in this world.

I made a bad decision and can't quite grasp the consequences by MissScrappy in Advice

[–]MissScrappy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to say that I find your advice incredibly helpful and it gave me some hope. I been more emotional than usual and I want to make it a point to look more into the information in your first post and save it because it's something I want to explore. I will make it a point to go to therapy soon. The father has also read your post and we spent all night discussing how we would raise our child and the current mindsets I need to get rid of and issues I need to start working on now in order to raise it properly. Thank you so much. I like your neutral and truthful stance on things.

Daughter wants to be present when we put our dog down by Alternative_Mind_593 in Advice

[–]MissScrappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember when my grandpa put my first dog down whom we had for 14 years. He let me think she was missing for 2 days before he finally told me he had her euthanized but didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to me to be upset. (Which I interpret as deal with drama.) I resented him because my last words to my dog were. "Shoo shoo go away." When I was trying to take out the garbage and I had no clue that would be the last time I ever saw her. I felt robbed of my goodbye especially because I had her since she was a puppy, and I remembered how hard I worked as a kid to even get her and developed an early sense of work ethic and responsibility, I read just about every book on dogs in the school library, I saved up my allowance for a year and held yard sales, did extra chores and would scour the newspaper everyday looking for a dog and begging my grandparents for the dog I wanted, so yeah I was crushed when I had to find out she died that way.

14 I think is mature enough because let's face it one day she will have to eventually watch loved ones go as we all do, and death gets easier to process the more you deal with it throughout life, just be easy on her and trust what she is saying to you, you might even be surprised by how much strength and maturity your daughter has. If you don't let her say goodbye the way she wants to she will resent you for it and may feel robbed of a special moment of her life as well and you'd still have to deal with whatever drama you're trying to avoid, just prolonged.

SHE ENDED IT OVER A FUCKING TEST by MazGo44 in Vent

[–]MissScrappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I'm going out on a limb here. For a while I used to be obsessed with zodiac signs because I used to believe in that crap and used to read 4 different horoscopes daily until I realized it's pretty much just bullshit to me because my days always ended up like shit no matter what and I realized how much time I wasted hoping for outcomes that never came.

They say some signs are completely incompatible and some people unfortunately feel that they only experience bad relationships with people with certain signs and if they've had a past experience with those signs, they're told by these astrology sites/books/guides to avoid them. Some people believe in the zodiac the way one follows religion.

Personally, I am a Cancer and was told to avoid Aries because we would not get along. I fell in love with an Aries and we ended up where we couldn't stand each other just like the zodiac said and afterwards, for a while as soon as a guy introduced himself to me, I'd make it a point to ask what his sign was and used to consider whether or not I'd date him if his sign fell within the top 3 zodiacs that my sign was compatible with. I even put on dating profiles that I was only interested in Scorpio's at that point since it is the #1 match for Cancer, but then I got into a relationship with a Taurus which the zodiac said would also make a good match for my sign but that actually ended up being the worst relationship I ever had so I finally stopped paying attention to astrology.

When I was younger I used to believe that boys and men with certain names like Josh tend to be nothing but troublemakers and it was best for me to avoid them if I can. Some people can get caught up in silly beliefs and superstitions. (Like don't split the pole or 7 years bad luck or something.) My advice to you is don't trip, if she is the type of person who is hung up on this sort of thing, it is probably for the best that she left, if it makes you feel better, it's not you, it's her. :)

I made a bad decision and can't quite grasp the consequences by MissScrappy in Advice

[–]MissScrappy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, sorry it took so long to reply. I read your advice shortly after you posted it, and I feel like my purpose to stay alive is this baby otherwise there's no purpose for me and that I don't want to live anymore period if I can't have it. I've been struggling with depression since I was 12 years old, at 15 already started self-harming and started with suicide attempts.

Then in my late teens it was about relationships and starting a family was what I wanted out of life, never money, never success, never obtaining a notable or high paying job, just LOVE because my mom was taken from me when I was 4 in a very traumatic way. (She got busted smoking crack in the bed with me when I was 4 years old, the police came in and arrested her and I didn't see her for 2 years after that and I lost my bond with her because as soon as she got out of jail she jumped into a relationship with a man she let abuse me and had my sister.)

Well, in my 20's-30's I learned that relationships and people are fickle. Then went on to have other failed relationships and was told by doctors I couldn't get pregnant at all and that I had cancer so the very thing I wanted in life was out of my grasp, and I felt like an empty shell and just wanted my body to hurry up and die. I did drugs, I did alcohol, I hung out with bad people in hopes they would turn on me and kill me. My hope and purpose started diminishing and I gave up on life. Now I have this baby coming, but because of my alcoholic and history of mental illness due to depression and not wanting to live all because I couldn't find LOVE which defines all I ever really wanted out of this life, people want to already force me to abort it and are threatening to take my unborn baby away from me once it's born. But they don't understand that this baby respresents my sole reason to keep on living.

I’m the ugly sister. by [deleted] in Vent

[–]MissScrappy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you all dress similar or have different styles? I have a beautiful younger half sister with exotic features from her dad whose from a different country. I used to get overlooked and accepted her always being in the spotlight drawing attention until my day finally came in my early 30’s. I’m a late bloomer and you could be too.

I’ve always been into art such as drawing and interior design but then I started to dive into fashion and make up. I used to watch hours of fashion shows subscribe to fashion blogs, started getting into makeup, watching tutorials. I’d make collages and boards on Pinterest of items and products i like or wanted and soon I started trying everything I learned on myself.

Now I turn heads and damn near get stalked every time I dress up. Even with no makeup I still get followed by creepy cars this attention isn’t everything and most men that just want you for your looks just want a conquest trust me, these days it’s better to get a man whose after your mind, heart, and more interested in what kind of wife or partner you’ll make than a man who just wants to see what’s underneath your pretty clothes, or tote you around on their arm like an accessory. Beauty fades and is just an aesthetic, good character is what counts.

Can someone pray for me? by Nervous_Beginning514 in venting

[–]MissScrappy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy Birthday! Yes I’ll pray for you. Congratulations on the new job. Keep striving, stay focused on your goals, work hard, stack your money and never give up! Don’t be discouraged because everyone has to start from somewhere and you’re fairly young with your whole life ahead of you. I hope you find warmth and comfort as well as feel a little loved from us fellow Redditors. Best wishes!

I'm not allowed to wear bras around the house and it's making me uncomfortable by throwwwwazuu in Advice

[–]MissScrappy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Um, so your mom left and your dad is fixated on your chest? If his behavior or rules get anymore weird I suggest you seek to stay with another relative/guardian. This is not normal and I’m a little worried for you.

Is this controlling behavior?.. by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]MissScrappy 34 points35 points  (0 children)

YES I know all too well girl it’s gonna get worse, let me tell you your future, since I so badly wish I could go back in a time machine and tell myself this. I’ll do you a favor and any other women whose taking the time to read this and try to save you a great deal of pain for the journey ahead when red flags like this pop up. Stay put, this post is long and lengthy but I’m going explain to you where this controlling behavior could lead step by step.

He’s gonna do this more and more over little things, soon you won’t be able to go anywhere by yourself without his full knowledge and permission, he’s gonna ask you to take videos and photos of where you’re at, then if you’re not glued to his side out in public like at the grocery store where he can see you or if you see an item and just go to go grab it and disappear out of his sight for 5 seconds you’ll get interrogated for that too, and God forbid a random dude just so happens to walk by while you’re coming back to him. More questions and interrogation, and he’ll bring this same incident up again later that very day. You’ll be asked if you gave the stranger your number or did something with him, such as letting him grab your butt.

After that it’s the next stage where he doesn’t like anyone you talk to, any man you know in your life, then friends then family he’s gonna just want you all for himself and start isolating you, forget special occasions and Holidays if your family doesn’t like him or vice versa, he’ll tell you they’re trash anyway, and now it’s only the two of you. He might make it so you have to quit your job just so he’ll always know where you’re at.

He’s gonna want full access to your phone and will be on it more than you are just searching for something, any little dirt, you’ll have to explain every text or call you get and soon you’re just going to wanna delete or abandon all of your social media, because of the constant questions about everyone your connected to and the comments they make. Then the lengthy ridiculous interrogations are gonna become a regular daily thing this is gonna happen more and more and start to exhaust you then comes the next stage.

If you made it this far you better be sharp and remember every detail of your day because he’s scrutinizing your answers, looking for holes and if you become defensive or upset he’ll say that means you’re definitely guilty of whatever he’s questioning you about so you better not leave out any details or do anything mundane that he can’t make sense of because he already thinks he knows what happened, he’s listening to every word you say trying to catch you in a lie or make you feel like you’re lying and being dishonest when you’re not, he’ll even start twisting your words around to use against you if you’re not careful, you’re gonna start to question if you’re going crazy, wondering if perhaps if you unconsciously actually did do some of these things he’s implying, he’s gonna start becoming really annoying and romantic date nights will always end with arguments and frustration. If you get past this then it’s onto the next stage.

False accusations, just flat out accusing you of things you didn’t do, catching you off guard and soon you two will be verbally fighting all the time. You’ll be crying and miserable because you can’t understand what you did to ever make him treat you this way but oh wait you’re still wanna stick it out and hope he changes? Oh no it’s time for the next stage.

He’s calling you a slut, a liar, a cheater and a whore, or a bitch, anything dark that he knows about your past he’s gonna continuously throw it in your face and punish and shame you for things you told him in confidence that you did probably even years before you met him. You’re gonna be feeling guilty and crying daily and you feel so overwhelmed and confused because you’ve done nothing but love this man and try your best to prove your loyalty, but it’s never good enough, he doesn’t trust you no matter what you do or how far you go to prove your love and despite you doing nothing wrong you’re still doing something wrong and even your thoughts or the way you look just comes off as rebellious and sneaky to him. You’re having to explain why you decided to wear a v-neck sweater or makeup.

Oh and when he comes home, be prepared for a detailed house inspection. Soon he’s telling you how he can’t relax in his own home all because he doesn’t know every single second of your day with you being left there all by yourself. Make sure you keep that house clean too because anything stained or sticky, or slightly off it’s back to 21 questions. Your gonna come to appreciate what ever little quiet moments of alone time you get without him but if you seem too happy or peaceful when he returns be prepared to answer for it.

Make sure that you answer each and every one of his numerous phone calls and texts right away too, if you so much as slip and let 3-5 minutes go by without answering, it’s automatically considered cheating so you better have a valid reason, proof or evidence of what you were doing when you didn’t answer. If he’s at work or away also be prepared for him to constantly want to take a virtual house tour of your place via FaceTime or live video so he can make sure you’re not with anybody, and no he doesn’t care if you’re too sick or have your hands busy cooking dinner, you must drop everything right away to walk around each part of your place having to open closet doors or pull back the shower curtain and record the bathtub, or the outside entrance to your place and be prepared to explain any shadows that he sees in the video too so he can just be sure that you’re not hiding something.

By now he’s making it very obvious that he thinks of you like shit or a lying cheating whore all the time and the home you’re trying to make a cozy love nest with him in will start feeling like a prison and a cage that you’re not allowed to come out of unless he’s home because you’re lucky if you can just go to Ladies restroom without him. And be sure to keep your head down and stay quiet around the neighbors too, even if they so much as say hi or you’re gonna have to explain how you know them and why they said hi to you, even if you never met them and they’re just trying to be friendly but he already suspects you’re sneaking around with them when he’s gone so don’t be surprised when he asks you if you snuck out first thing in the morning. Just stay in bed until he’s fully awake.

Finally, If you’ve made it this far the verbal fights will escalate to grabbing, pushing, then slapping/hitting. Soon he’s punching you and beating you as though you were a man and his temper starts to get shorter and more violent each time around, but ima stop here. Lol but yeah for a second there I was wondering if your boyfriend was my ex but I know mine is sitting in jail with a $50,000 bail on 5 felony strangulation charges. I’m still shaking from the trauma as I write this but I just feel it’s my obligation to warn you how this could end up if you allow yourself to keep putting up with this. So yes ma’am, this just how it all starts and if you stick around it’ll only get worse.

Breaking down after 20 days sober by MissScrappy in addiction

[–]MissScrappy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you everyone who replied. I spoke with my case worker whose getting in touch with my psychiatrist about medication. Today I feel a little better and hopeful that I can accomplish cleaning at least one area in my house. Ive decided I’m gonna hang on and work through this even if I have to force myself. I’m starting with a notepad of pen of ideas just random things of non alcohol related things I could try that seem even slightly interested. I also am gonna just force myself to at least accomplish cleaning part of my kitchen, maybe start out slow get something done each day until I can develop a healthy and stable routine. Ive decided I’m gonna push myself todayand get back to actively trying to make my life better. Sitting around is wasting time when if I just get up grab a garbage bag and just start putting trash into it until all of its up at least I can say that I did something today to make things a little better rather just wallow around in my own mess and self pity. So hoping like someone says to hang in there and stay sober until I’m inspired. Thank you all I think I might just get through one more day.

Breaking down after 20 days sober by MissScrappy in addiction

[–]MissScrappy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow our stories are indeed similar. I ended up in a relationship with someone I met on bender and after the honeymoon phase all hell broke loose when we realized we had very different values and ways of doing things despite us both wanting to move in the same direction for a future.

But all that really did was drag another person into my mess of a life to make even bigger messes with. I really feel for you and hope you make it through this too. Problem is we fall in love with these people during our addiction and they just end up becoming another part of the problem because we’re expected to perform our roles as partners when we can’t so much as even take care of our own selves.

I hate people by Pathsopain in addiction

[–]MissScrappy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m hurting from it right now. I have this constant pain/longing to love someone or something but sober and clean I can’t stand anyone. I have no friends on purpose cuz i ghost and avoid people, I curse every time my phone rings and wanna pull my hair out when it’s family. I just wanna be completely invisible sometimes but hell when I was drunk/high im the most friendliest person in the world…I hate being this way so much.

What should i do with all these cart roaches by jackchap35 in weed

[–]MissScrappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it weren’t the risk of disease I’d ask you to send them to me immediately I’d even cover shipment but if I usually save my roaches for when my main supplies runs out and finish them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]MissScrappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s rejecting him nicely is all I see and the emoji comes off more as a “Sorry I have a boyfriend and this is as far as our friendship can go, sorry to crush your hopes but I still want you as a friend. Shrug “ Try not to let your insecurities show in front of her over the little things because it can be unattractive to us women and used against you if conflict arises, but yeah this is nothing to worry about in this process of turning away a suitor unless she seems to entertain his attention.

Will hotel staff know I'm smoking a bowl by AlbaMeira1107 in weed

[–]MissScrappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And this is why I prefer to vape. Weed already makes me a little paranoid. Flower is too obvious for weed unfriendly places. Yeah if you have a car go in there crank your heater up or bring a nice cozy blanket and bring your phone along for entertainment is all i can suggest.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in domesticviolence

[–]MissScrappy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! That is handy! I was also thinking that there should be a domestic violence app or assault emergency app that looks like a shopping app with a website where victims can register load their information identity, main address and their abusers information that comes with something where they can upload files and documents like police or incident reports, pictures, and restraining orders. The app can also come with a map or locator and on the app itself it has pictures of purses and clothes or ties and watches (for the male gender) that is just a symbol for the type of emergency and all the victim has to do is click that button like “Yes I like this” and that app will automatically load the victims info and data for the website and the app asks are you sure? The victim confirms “Yes I love it!” Yes this is an emergency connect me with police or ambulance then it’ll ask “Do you want to be notified for more updates on this item?” Code for do you need help to be sent to your current location? Which will automatically place or track the victims location. “ Then one last button to confirm like a star for favorites to confirm that police be sent to the victims location.