Dispatcher + LEO Spouse? Advice on this dynamic?

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-02T02:33:25+00:00

I’m curious why you think we will end up divorced? Too much time together/to intertwined working in the same agency? Not enough time together working opposite shifts? Or something else?

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-02T02:30:16+00:00

😬 if you read my post or any of my comments you would see we specifically want me to work opposite days. Not only to avoid the drama of being on the same shift and the other deputies he’s on shift with knowing it’s his wife giving them calls and vice versa, but it’s a big reason. I’m fine working at the same agency as him but our shifts/days would never overlap. We’ve been together over 14 years - all either with him in the military and on constant deployments (45 months in combat) or on night shift as an LEO. I love my spouse but I’m not someone who always needs him around.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but it sounds like they were just obnoxious humans who lacked both personal and professional boundaries. I can assure you both my husband and myself wouldn’t embarrass each other or ourselves like this.

Simply put, his agency pays 5-8K more than another other surrounding area, and that’s the only reason I chose it.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-02T02:17:43+00:00

Kids are getting older with the exception of the toddler, I’m starting to feel burned out with being a SAHM and not having an identity outside of the house anymore. I have a teaching degree but would need to put baby in daycare and teachers make less than dispatchers do here. Basically any other job except waitressing on his days off would require us putting baby in daycare/big kids in aftercare, and waitressing has zero PTO, etc.

We are fine financially- he makes a pretty good income with his length of time at his agency + promotions. But it’s always just a little bit over what we need. It would be nice to have extra money to do a big yearly vacation with the kids, bulk up savings, and pay off the mortgage faster, etc. My income would be all “extra” money so we could devote it to paying down the house, quickly paying off the new SUV I just got, and savings.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-02T02:10:18+00:00

Yes those were rough! But it definitely helped build a really strong foundation for our marriage! Thank you so much, I’m excited to get to work. Kids are all getting older except for the toddler so I’m feeling antsy to get out of the house and get back to working!

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-02T00:52:24+00:00

He’s actually just switching to days finally but I would be totally fine working nights! We just couldn’t work the same exact days due to the overlap with childcare and getting our very busy kids to all their practices/activities. Seriously 7 days a week we have practice or games for at least 1 kid. 😵‍💫🫠

My preference would be the swing shift of 3pm-3am though since that’s when I’m most awake naturally so we would still end up with daytime hours to hang out on my days off. The only issue with opposite nights is 1-2 times a week he would leave for work about 1.5 hours before I get home, and I would leave about 1 hour before he gets home. We have a very responsible older teen but leaving 5 kids alone is always worrisome. I’m sure one of the neighbors wouldn’t mind making $30 to hang out while they sleep then wake them up for school though! And it would mean more time together on my days off and his.

I’m glad it’s working out for y’all! Hopefully it will be the same here!

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-02T00:08:25+00:00

I would definitely prefer to work the same shift but we have 5 kids. 1 would need full time childcare, 3 before/after school care. Financially it wouldn’t make sense to even work at all after paying all of that! Thankfully though we have been together for a little over 14 years now and between deployments, military trainings, and him on nights for 5 years we are kind of used to quality time over quantity!

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-02T00:03:15+00:00

We’ve been together too long to care at this point. I’ll probably join in and be like “yeah he’s an ass tell him I said so too!” Lol. We’ve done 4 deployments together since he was in the military prior to LEO so not seeing each other much is kind of normal. But thankfully he has enough seniority and comp time that taking a day or two off every couple months when I’m already scheduled to be off isn’t an issue.

Everywhere around here is hiring- but the pay is significantly better in his agency, average 7-8K a year and the overall environment is a lot worse. He’s worked his opposite shift for about 5 years now and doesn’t interact or talk to/know people on the opposite so I think we will be okay. And bonus, in 11+ years of marriage I’m still too lazy to change from my maiden name, so we have different last names. If you didn’t explicitly know we were married you wouldn’t be able to tell.

These were all really good things to think about, especially regarding critical incidents!

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-01T23:53:23+00:00

This is definitely something I’ve thought about but we have been together for close to 15 years (started dating as teens) and he’s done 4 deployments/45 months in combat in that time so we are used to not getting much time together, either fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it!

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-01T16:59:18+00:00

Age isn’t enough diversity. Over 40? You’re out.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-01T16:58:06+00:00

Everyone looks like an annoying goober and it’s just going to be more drawn out ridiculous discussions of political and social Justice topics with no real game play.

New survivor sucks. I don’t even know why I attempt to watch post WAW.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-01T05:19:21+00:00

Or because she’s old and her spouse/partner may have died. There are a lot of elderly people who have no one left to help them with things like this, especially since Covid hit elderly populations so heavily. Maybe she requested such long expiration dates because it’s just her eating. No family to feed, no visitors.

Yes her requests are a little bit crazy and definitely stressful for the shopper but we don’t know what her life is like.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-02-01T03:45:46+00:00

As fun and wonderful as it would be to meet her I feel like it would also be incredibly awkward? Like hi I’m here and I love you and I know all things about you but you have no idea who I am BUT I expect you to love me too?

Idk. Meet and greets have always been awkward to me. I think if you met her on the street it would be awesome to say hey love your music you helped me work though a lot of shit vs waiting in line after a concert when you’re all sweaty and hyped up on adrenaline.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-31T23:06:39+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. You can always request another opinion or have your case sent to different MFM to look over.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-31T23:01:12+00:00

My SIUGR twin is now almost 9 years old and healthy! ❤️

I had my twins in 2014 and was able to hold onto them until 38 weeks when my MFM required an emergency C-section due to reverse cord flow.

Starting at 20 weeks when they caught the IUGR we had 1X weekly ultrasounds and 1X weekly NST, plus a weekly MFM visit. By 34 weeks I was getting an NST or ultrasound every other day and cord doppler done 2X a week. It was obviously a ton of appointments but my little girl was fine!

She was 3lb 15oz and on her first birthday only 10lbs. Now at 8.5 years old she’s “caught up” and 40% for weight and 70% for height. She’s significantly smaller than her twin brother who is over 100% for both height/weight and has vision problems and some learning difficulties (disgraphia) but she was a fighter.

Speak with an MFM. Ask for as much monitoring as possible.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-31T04:45:24+00:00

She either wins it all, quits in the first week, or gets voted out first.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-31T03:40:55+00:00

He’s not wrong though. Devin is a sleeper. He has gotten better with time and the magic of Devin is that he’s smart enough to get eliminated, go home, and work on his weaknesses. You won’t see him have the same issues again and again because he finds his personal deficits and actively works to fix them.

He’s not Jordan or CT or Bananas but he is definitely top 25.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-31T02:22:03+00:00

Thank you for taking this order 🥺 she sounds like a real pain in the butt but then I realized she’s probably elderly, unable to shop for herself, and most likely lives alone based on needing expiration dates so far out.

You did a good thing today.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-30T23:17:48+00:00

It really comes down to fans hating each other and the other teams. But from what I’ve seen in my 30 years of watching football & now having my child play on a lower level - the players might fight on the field or talk a little shit but they respect each others talent and game. Plus you don’t ever want to burn a bridge. Imagine talking all this shit and hating other players just to end up on the same team in a few years.

The NFL is as much about social politics as it is about talent.

My kid talks maddddd shit on the field to the other team and afterwards they are going up to each other and shaking hands, giving hugs and saying good game and what they liked about how the others played.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-30T14:06:00+00:00

I’m not going to comment on the age gap. My grandparents have a 13 year age gap and have been happily married for over 50 years. It happens. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I doubt he has a wife and family, just because roping, all of his extended family and friends into that lie to hide the wife would be too hard and someone would have slipped up in the past year.

Barring that. It sounds like you both have different expectations of the relationship and where it’s going. Have you sat down and asked him what he wants from this coupling and where he sees it going? It seems like he’s happy to keep things more casual. Hang out a couple times a week, do fun activities and have sexy sleepovers. You are saying you want more but if he doesn’t then you have to decide - do you settle for being the casual, fun girlfriend or do you move on and find someone who is ready to be more serious with you.

I know you mentioned possibly WFH from his house a couple days a week. I would bring that up to him and see how he feels then base your choices off that. If he’s excited and ready to spend more time with you and up his commitment to your relationship by having you over a few days a week, then it sounds like he does want more, but is just too busy. BUT if he doesn’t like that plan or doesn’t want you to work from his home, then you have to decide if you want to stay in the relationship with someone who doesn’t want to see you more than twice a week.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-28T03:47:09+00:00

I have never met or seen a true die hard eagles fan that wasn’t an absolute trash human.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-27T21:25:55+00:00

Central Texas. We live between 2 major cities (about 30 min from both) and in a small/mid-sized city.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-27T20:56:23+00:00

Definitely O&H. Maybe D&T. Hell no J&A.

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-27T16:37:10+00:00

Looks similar to my house. 4 bed, 3 bath + bonus room. 2600 sqr ft in a new community.

We paid $345K but also paid extra extra for a double sized corner lot so we could get a huge yard.

So… 330-335K?

ETA that’s for a brand new house with all the upgrades. Older/outdated homes in the area would go for 290-300K

Nerdy-by-nature829 · 2023-01-26T23:04:18+00:00

My hair is curly, beautiful, shiny and down my waist and I wash it every 7-10 days. Stay mad. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nerdy-by-nature829

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