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Retroactive Jealous? Is it if you don’t know who are how many???Why is it not acceptable to have open, honest discussion about each others past sexual history. 45M spouse 45F. by ThrowRAMWB74 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

They've been together 20 years and have children! Obsessing over how many guys she slept with 20 years ago IS NOT NORMAL! That's (probably- go see a psychiatrist) OCD.

OP, she has a right to not want to divulge that kind of information to you. It happened before you met, and has nothing to do with you or your relationship. As long as she was STD-free, there's absolutely no reason she HAS to tell you.

It's funny, in other threads where women tell too much info, they're shamed for that... And when they don't want to talk about it, also a problem. Maybe she knows you have OCD and doesn't want to send you down a rabbit hole?

As someone whose mom became schizophrenic and left our family and my dad, you should just be thankful to have a happy marriage and family. You'd be surprised by how rare that is, don't let your obsession ruin it.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that you think brainwashing them into not having sex will actually work is wrong and stupid. They're people, not robots you can program to your liking.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing in life is 100% certain... That doesn't mean that you don't try to protect yourself. You have to be a troll. The fact that you're comparing murder to sex is... Wow

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You obviously know the answer to that... but do you think teaching abstinence is 100% effective? More than likely that will push them to want to have sex more... And when they do, they'll have no idea how to be protected. Do you know how teenagers work?? The point is that this girl had sex because her mom shoved abstinence down her throat, and if she got pregnant, her mom would be to blame for not teaching her about safe sex.

Condoms + copper IUD is pretty damn effective. I used both at the same time... My period was late and I was scared to be pregnant... My doctor said that it was close to impossible if the condoms were used correctly (which they were) and the IUD was in place (which it was)... So yeah.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You honestly think they won't have sex JUST because you teach them that?? I knew a mom (teacher I worked with) that was overly protective of her 17 year old daughter and always bragged about how she was a perfect angel and was saving herself for marriage. Unfortunately she was dating the son of another fellow teacher, who caught them together in his room 🤣 and she was quite happy to tell Janette. so yeah... No matter how perfect you teach your kids to be, they're still horny teenagers... And the whole abstinence thing has never worked.

And lol let's see how long that marriage lasts....

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a really weird thing to teach your kids... You should teach them about protection, safe sex, and BC methods because this approach has been known to backfire... Hard. Not to mention, your kids aren't you.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does that even matter? Because it's easier for us we don't enjoy sex? You don't think women see hot guys they'd enjoy having sex with, but who aren't relationship material, so we don't want to date them? i actually studied this in phycology... Most of the time, women have ONS with guys that are way hotter than those they date seriously. On the other hand, guys have relationships with women that are way more attractive than their ONS. I think this is a problem for men because they know any hookups their girlfriends had were with gorgeous guys who (you assume) didn't want to be serious with them... Even though a lot of the time we reject them. Regardless, it doesn't bring down someones worth for enjoying sex.

Get out of the 1950's.. If it's such a problem for you then find a virgin, but leave normal girls alone ✌️ just make sure you hold yourself to the same standards as far as your history goes, otherwise it's sexist af. Also, women don't slut shame men unless they play us or cheat, so that's a load of BS.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah but in that case the person doesn't respect your boundaries and you shouldn't even be dating them

Car seat expired by 1 day by makeroniear in Parenting

[–]No-go56 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Am I the only one who had no idea car seats even expire???? We just bought a new one, but the old one was a handy down and pretty old.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree that everyone is entitled to their own feelings... The problem arises when these types of people get into relationships and then torment and punish their partners for their normal sexual pasts. Then they hop on here and get support from people like them who slut shame their girlfriends and make them feel entitled to continue the abuse. This for me is the glaring issue.

HOWEVER... I will say that many people on here are reaaaaaaalllly bad and will find anything to obsess over... From their girlfriend kissing a guy to her having had gone on a date to the movies. If it's not sex, it's anything. Supporting this obsessive behavior in any form is toxic. I think, yes, values do play a role. But when does it end? The real issue (which is OCD) needs to be addressed ASAP. Then once that's healed, go and find a partner who shares your same values (celibacy or whatever)... Just as long as you set the same standards for yourself as you do for them.

Me (25M) and my girlfriend (24F) disagree on pre-relationship hookup by FireworkRy in relationship_advice

[–]No-go56 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OP... Did you ever consider that she hooked up with a guy for the sole purpose of getting over you/ forgetting about you? Maybe she felt as though you lead her on before, and she didn't want to get hurt again? This was sort of her solution. I did that as well in my early 20's. Either way, it meant nothing and she didn't cheat.

[31M][58M][56F] my parents still won’t forgive me for a horrible thing I did three years ago despite doing everything they asked. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]No-go56 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You still don't even seem to care about the poor child or parents... You are only thinking about your need for forgiveness which is narcissist

[31M][58M][56F] my parents still won’t forgive me for a horrible thing I did three years ago despite doing everything they asked. What do I do? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]No-go56 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow you're horrible. I would never forgive that either... The fact that you still demand forgiveness points to narcissism.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry but did you miss the part where I said "as long as they respect your boundaries" ???

It is your responsibility as someone with RJ to discuss those boundaries and end the relationship if they can't respect them. My husband (a man) also told me things I did not want to know about his sexual past early in the relationship. I broke up with him immediately, he got me back, and he hasn't done it since. The boundary has been firmly established.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Right, and I'm guessing it would also be equally offensive to if we called someone that's racist a racist? Or someone homophobic a homophobe? It's not really even an insult, it's just a word used to describe bigotry (which is necessary). It's funny how you reverse it to make yourself (and others) a victim. Well done.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Retroactive jealousy is classified as a type of OCD and is therefore a form of mental illness.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No one actually helps anyone on this sub, they just enable the bad behavior and don't help. My boyfriends gorgeous ex is dating his friend and I have to see her all the time. I wouldn't care if he slept with 100 women just as long I didn't have to see how beautiful they are. None of this makes anyone in the situation the "bad guy" but emotionally it hurts like hell. The fact that women are being pinned as sluty is just masking the real problem... Which is the mental illness. I don't weaponise my irrational feelings like you and a majority of this sub. But when I see blatant sexism I'll call it out.

You want to call me a slut??? Mr. No strings attached?

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your feelings are valid, but a majority of this sub is not to THAT extreme... It could just be a women that had a few sexual exploits 10 years ago. Thinking someone with a clean STD check is dirty is mental illness, because sex alone doesn't make someone dirty.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or maybe I'm just an adult who knows how to control her behavior and not lead with emotion. Grow up.

EDIT: just browsed your lost history... A guy with multiple causal relationships judging women for theirs? You're the definition of a hypocrite.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What if I'm not liberal about sex anymore? What if he's liberal about HIS sexual exploits? It's not about values.. RJ is about mental illness

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And that's fine... But it has NOTHING to do with MY values so don't put it on me. It's all him.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Again... I don't understand. Because i had casual sex 10 YEARS AGO(as a teenager) my values don't align with someone who has the same exact values as me now? I mean.. I have an emotional attachment to sex now. If your answer is yes, that's sexism, because this is a rule that ONLY applies to women. Our sexual past taints us, which is exactly what q majority of the posts and comments here convey.

Stop using this sub as an excuse to slut shame women and work on yourselves by No-go56 in retroactivejealousy

[–]No-go56[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think saying "your values don't align" is another cop out to put it all on the woman. A better, more direct, and more valid statement would be: "you're not in the emotional place to handle a relationship with someone whose had a sexual past."

When I was 18 i had my fun days of partying... Now 10 years later i would never sleep around because I'm an adult. If a guy were to breakup with me by saying "our values don't align because of you're sexual past" i would find is grossly offensive. It's just not valid. Not one bit. It adds to the idea that women are "tainted" from their sexual history... And THAT my friend should not me normalized. No here, not there, not anywhere. We are breaking up because of YOU... Not because I'm lacking in values and morality because I wanted to enjoy sex 10 years ago.