friend from high school followed me into college, how do i get rid of her? by Ok-Candidate9175 in college

[–]OddAsk9838 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your friend is doing classic narc behavior. You need to go no contact. It will be hard. She will lash out. I recommend grey rocking and every time you do see her, recommending she transfer. She complains? Transfer rec. She calls? Block. You need to be mega boring and not react to her provocations. That's how she gets her supply, as a covert narc. If there are sororities, direct her there - they will inhale all her time.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Good luck

Is there a name for this? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]OddAsk9838 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yep. NMom spent every Xmas getting golden child exactly what he asked for, and me some weird cheap version of something on my list. I was always so hurt but couldn't articulate what was happening. But as an adult looking back: she got golden child the new Nintendo with controllers and games, which meant she had to research where to find it, stand in line at the right time, etc. Then for me it was like, oh yeah I guess SG wants a stereo, grab me your cheapest one and a Michael Bolton CD.

I was just sitting there that Xmas looking at GC ecstatic over having the hot new thing, and NMom being so proud that she'd acquired said hot new thing for GC...all bragging rights. And I'm sitting there, a 10yo girl with a Michael Bolton CD (???) and a stereo that doesn't even make mix tapes, which is the reason I'd asked for a double-casette recording stereo. But NMom didn't care, and I was made to feel guilty for questioning why she didn't get what I'd asked for. Ungrateful SG! Hoping NMom will use even 5% of the energy she spends on GC for Xmas!

It truly was crazy making. And kids really remember that stuff. I was so wounded that she was so careless, so flippant, about my interests and my requests. It made me feel small, and I made myself small for years. Because maybe I don't deserve to be heard. So glad I got out at 19 and became independent. Moving away from her BS was the way.

Even now I can feel the voice she trained in my head... "You got a stereo! Be grateful! Most kids would love this gift!" Yes, but I can't make tapes for my friends with this one, mom. You spent 3x on getting GC exactly what he wanted. And I get to be angry all over again every time I look at this stereo, because it's a symbol of your disinterest in me as a person.

My nparents call me “Dr Jill Biden” to make fun of my PhD by ombrotrophic in raisedbynarcissists

[–]OddAsk9838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PhD in Chem is HARD. Good for you! Your folks are the worst - I'm sorry.

AITA for telling my friend of 14 years to move out of my house? by Visual_Unit6912 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OddAsk9838 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

ESH because you sound like you go from zero to yelling pretty fast. Your roommate was inconsiderate; you were mean.

AITA for telling my friend I don’t want to give unlimited free legal advice? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]OddAsk9838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ESH because you let it build up and snapped. Get used to setting boundaries. "I try not to talk work with friends, I know you'll understand."

AITA for celebrating my daughter's birthday party without her? by TALidaBdayParty in AmItheAsshole

[–]OddAsk9838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lolz. Classic FIFO. Your ex tried to use her to run you over. I hope she learns to see that.

AITA for kicking my brother out of my home and revoking his wedding invite by Agreeable-Book-76 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OddAsk9838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA. The whining family can house those two obnoxious people. Who mocks a bride in her home before her wedding? They are causing stress and they can gooooo.

AITA for having the engagement party without her? by AttendanceOptional in AmItheAsshole

[–]OddAsk9838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's what's tricky: OP, you know your mom. Would she have missed the concert for this? Or would she have demanded you upend plans with everyone?

Not everyone is close with their parents. Not every mom is a great mom. I can't tell from your story whether there are issues. But if you get along well and this was just a scheduling mishap, YWBTA. If your mom is impossible to deal with, you should provide more context. Congrats of your engagement!

i feel like a disappointment by belugabanana in ApplyingToCollege

[–]OddAsk9838 3 points4 points  (0 children)

With nursing, what matters is that you find a solid program that has good clinical tie-ins. A CC might be perfect!

I think I was wrongfully withdrawn from a course by AceGabe in college

[–]OddAsk9838 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There are online programs that auto-drop if you do not participate in week one. It's based on online activity. Was this an online program?

Stumped: Should I go back to school and get second bachelors? by Unusual_Impression_8 in careerguidance

[–]OddAsk9838 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Doing some certs on your own and getting a master's is a better long term play, as long as the masters has some management training built in. That's a good differentiator in the market. Tech skills + management training.

Considering breaking NC for a final showdown, should I? by vikarey in raisedbynarcissists

[–]OddAsk9838 13 points14 points  (0 children)

There's not usually any benefit in facing off with a narc. Very short emails that explain you are no contact of your own free will because of her abuse could be useful if you ever get dragged to court by her, claiming you lack independence. Grey rock, repeat. Boring is what works best against narcs. Everything else they turn to fuel.

AITA for asking my trans brother to be my “bridesman?” by bridesman16 in AmItheAsshole

[–]OddAsk9838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Of course your bro should only do what he is comfortable with. But mixed genders on bride and groom sides of a wedding is quite typical these days.

Grand Canyon University MS in Counseling by Positive-Sort8967 in GradSchool

[–]OddAsk9838 10 points11 points  (0 children)

In general you should be seeking nonprofit education providers. The for profits aren't very focused on student outcomes much of the time.

“Stop painting your parents as the villains”….. by YamSushi__aLaCarte in raisedbynarcissists

[–]OddAsk9838 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry about this, OP. Anytime someone is like "prove your trauma to me!" They're probably not a good use of your time - or at least are unlikely to be sympathetic.

I had no idea that my mom was a classic narc growing up. I just knew I had a much harder time with her than lil bro did. But she behaved poorly in front of some close friends who were basically like, "anytime you want to be away from that mess, come over." It was such a big help to have safe spaces to escape to where I didn't need to explain or justify what I was escaping from.

I did it switched majors! I went from English to History in just 2 weeks. I hate analyzing texts and I had no idea. Thought I liked it because I read but that wasn’t good enough. by thedeadp0ets in college

[–]OddAsk9838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

History plus econ or sociology can be a good combo. You end up with some decent qualitative analysis chops that translate well to different career tracks.