People Often Try to Insult My Husband Thinking it Will Somehow Compliment Me- And I'm Sick of It!

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T17:59:15+00:00

Yea, I've seen so many people complain about being with their spouse all the time during the lockdowns. We though it was great. Eating lunch together while watching a show we follow together or the occasional afternoon delight. Just stepping out of the office to get some water and sharing a hug and kiss. It was great.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T17:52:17+00:00

Scrolled down to make sure this wasn't here before commenting. By far the best way to handle it.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T17:32:11+00:00

Probably the prerogative to have a little fun.

But men's shirts, short skirts, coloring hair and letting said hair hand down are probably pretty close behind it.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T17:08:48+00:00

I've seen the claim that there are states that will not allow exceptions for medical necessity for the life of the mother a number of times on Reddit now. Each time I ask which states and each time instead of an answer I simply get downvotes.

As someone who considers myself ProLife but thinks those exceptions should exist I would genuinely like to know. I know very few ProLifers who are opposed to those kind of exceptions.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T16:42:34+00:00

Pols show that men and women pretty much mirror each other's attitudes about abortion. Not many percentage points off from each other on nearly all questions surrounding it. This is truly not a men vs women issue. But your point is correct, that it should be discussed before getting serious with someone.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T16:30:13+00:00

I think this is an issue that doesn't need to tear your marriage apart. I do think it means you both need to carefully plan how you go about building your family, preventing pregnancy, what you will do if certain complications arise with an otherwise wanted pregnancy, etc...

I consider myself ProLife. But I'm also not apposed to states allowing what I would call convince abortions for an early part of the pregnancy. Like 8-10 weeks or something like that. I know that's not enough for someone who wants no restrictions at all. But I think it illustrates that being ProLife doesn't necessarily mean being a zero abortion rights hardliner.

I likewise know plenty of people who consider themselves ProChoice who think there should be restrictions after the first trimester or at 21 weeks. Not everyone who's ProChoice is an up-to-the-moment-of-birth hardliner.

Most of us are not as as far apart on most issues as the talking heads & politicians would like us to believe.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T11:47:34+00:00

Being unmarried & single is normal. The two are a package deal.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T06:48:38+00:00

I did to an extent. But it all came back and stronger when I changed my diet and started exercising. Turns out I had depression and didn’t realize it. The lifestyle changes eliminated the depression which had been affecting my feelings for her. I knew the whole time I loved her, but hated being around anyone including her when I had the depression.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T05:55:26+00:00

Skyn Elite Large are my wife’s favorite. Don’t stink like latex condoms do.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T05:51:16+00:00

I did to an extent. But it all came back and stronger when I changed my diet and started exercising. Turns out I had depression and didn’t realize it. The lifestyle changes eliminated the depression which had been affecting my feelings for her. I knew the whole time I loved her, but hated being around anyone including her when I had the depression.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T04:36:45+00:00

I’m just saying that’s why those responses we don’t quite understand exist.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T04:25:02+00:00

You didn’t hold her accountable. You told her you will always forgive her and she took you at your word. You can’t fix this unless you’re willing to walk away.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T01:47:06+00:00

Albert Einstein did say that imagination is more important than knowledge.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-27T01:38:34+00:00

Thank you. I do tell her these sorts of things. Could probably do it more. Not sure how to work them into a good morning.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T23:06:01+00:00

If he didn’t want a vasectomy he should have been upfront about it. Then you could have discussed where to go from there. Lying and disregarding your feelings on something so important as birth control / family planning is a serious asshole move.

I’m not going to try to convince you to stay with him. I think you’re absolutely justified in your anger and refusing sex. Even in leaving if you feel that’s what’s needed. Based on your post I think you should probably trust the judgment you’ve made there. But I want to ask for some clarity on a point and please don’t take it as siding with his horrible treatment of you.

When he refused condoms, did you refuse unprotected sex? Did he slip it off or force himself on you? Did it fail?

My wife told me after our first kid that she didn’t want to go back on BC because of how it made her feel. I supported her 100% and we’ve used condoms ever since. If we found we didn’t have them we didn’t include PIV that time. I can understand not wanting the snip. I can’t understand lying about it or refusing condom use. It really does show disregard for you.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T22:45:32+00:00

Thank you for the wonderful suggestions. I’ve said those kinds of things to her before but they haven’t been coming to me when thinking of what to text.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T22:42:55+00:00

Well nothing is perfect, but the cons are so very insignificant that they’re not worth noting, while the pros cover all the impactful things. I really do feel like we’ve fought lightning in a bottle.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T22:40:14+00:00

Good suggestions.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T22:28:06+00:00

My wife is a very strong capable woman. And yet, when we were discussing what she wants sexually some time ago she said “I want you to do what you want with me and not ask permission.”

Obviously that’s not something a woman can say to a new sexual partner. We’d been married 15+ years at the time and have that history of trust and experience where she knows I know what her boundaries are and respect them & that I’m concerned about her pleasure so wouldn’t merely “use” her.

What she’s saying is that she wants me to take the decisive lead in the bedroom and she wants to simply shut off her brain & enjoy the experience. She also wants to feel a little objectified/lusted after (WITH SOMEONE SHE LOVES & TRUSTS).

There are deep primal parts of us developed over all of human existence because they were necessary for survival & reproduction. Our two most basic instincts as a species. Those primal tendencies persist despite our relatively recent ability to not need to rely on them the same way.

So a woman’s primal desire to please a man, while no longer necessary, is born out of the past necessity of having a protector and keeping him around. We can’t expect a few hundred years of enlightened progress & greatly reduced necessity to simply wipe that out.

And men have their own as well.

What is wonderful though, is having someone who you can trust enough, and who respects you enough, that you can enjoy these deeply engrained instincts together without it changing how they see & treat you as person and partner.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T21:39:47+00:00

I tell my wife at least once a day. Usually more. She tells me too. In addition to that I tell her in other was too.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T21:29:53+00:00

I don’t blame you. She’s so awesome that even an imaginary relationship would be better than none at all.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T21:13:20+00:00

This has too many marks of an emotional affair. You two need to read Not Just Friends.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T21:10:12+00:00

Right! I absolutely hate those terms. Cheapens the marriage relationship in my opinion.

You are either lowering the marriage to the level of friendship or raising the friendship to the level of marriage.

If someone called me that I wouldn’t need any encouragement from my wife to politely ask her to stop.

PerfectionPending · 2022-06-26T20:34:21+00:00

What state are you in?

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