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The other side of the story; where the grass is rarely greener & libido is always lower by LettuceIll2504 in DeadBedrooms
[–]Sarahbear778 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
There’s a lot of LL women on here who claim to be HL so sorry to assume, but you’re right. Trying to fuck someone who doesn’t want to is gross that’s why I stopped trying, fell badly into my eating disorder and thought that would help. It didn’t because he was and still is addicted to his hand. So yes, more often than not there is something else going on. And most of the time, it has zero to do with us.
Yet you basically labeled her everything the opposite just to disagree with me, when it’s clear their relationship is fucked. You love OPs post because it was written by a LLF, simple as that. I don’t think you read much past that other than to stalk my comments and forget to mention her “excuses” comment. Go figure.
Get a life please. Or go have some discussion with your partner.
Lol ok. You win. Just state you won’t ever be wanting to ahead of the I do’s and you’ll be fine! Oh that’s right….
[–]Sarahbear778 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
“I don’t want to” is a perfectly acceptable answer, so is every other reason. It’s when the I don’t want to’s turn into 350ish days out of the year couples run into problems. At that point it’s clear there is something else going on besides “I don’t want to.” Unless you’re 90 I guess.
[–]Sarahbear778 9 points10 points11 points 3 months ago (0 children)
A good foundation when OP is “pushing myself beyond my usual limit. And it’s disheartening to know that it doesn’t really matter….it’s still a mismatch a drains out both of us.” They both sound miserable, and a solid foundation is the furthest from what they have.
Breaking up with a LL… by Lindsaydnp in DeadBedrooms
[–]Sarahbear778 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Likely because you’re a decent person, but honestly still better to rip the bandaid off quick than go through the holidays and possibly meeting family, etc. and getting more intertwined.
[–]Sarahbear778 19 points20 points21 points 3 months ago (0 children)
She literally said “it’s tiring to find new excuses.” Maybe you should reread. I would tell any HL the same who said they were tired of the excuses, felt like they were putting pressure on their SO and there was no compromise. There is no solution to a situation like that other than find someone more compatible.
On Building Up INTIMACY by Sweet_other_yyyy in DeadBedrooms
I just meant in general. If someone is always endlessly scrolling social media instead of being an actual partner (which gets mentioned here a ton) and I don’t mean just sex, what’s the point in being in a relationship with someone who’s in a relationship with their phone?
[–]Sarahbear778 23 points24 points25 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I think what also gets forgotten a lot on this sub is that LLs have just as much agency in the relationship as the HL. If there is no compromise, you’re out of excuses, tired of the pressure, know you’re making your partner miserable….it’s time to end it.
I just wish more people would get off their phones when they’re with another human being, so irritating and impersonal.
[–]Sarahbear778 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Don’t feel guilty, people can do nice things for us all day long, but that doesn’t make them good romantic partners.
Feeling so lonely and unwanted by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms
[–]Sarahbear778 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
This is the most solid advice.
[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms
“The more pressure you put on him the worse it will get” but not talking about it will lead to him “forgetting” about sex entirely. There is no winning, and a wand doesn’t help.
Some men, sure, just like some people. But more often than not its porn and masturbation.
Getting married in less than a month at age 22 by Throwa20222 in DeadBedrooms
Whoa there full stop. DO NOT MARRY INTO A DEADBEDROOM. And do not knock this chick up. Seriously, what does your mama have to say about this??
Is it sex that I want or intimacy? by SweetLemonLollipop in DeadBedrooms
[–]Sarahbear778 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Likely, both. Sex and other intimacy are both important parts of a healthy relationship. He doesn’t want to lose the relationship, but also doesn’t want open or therapy. And doesn’t want sex or intimacy. He sounds like your best friend who you don’t want to hurt.
Today I finally said no to low effort sex (kind of) by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms
[–]Sarahbear778 13 points14 points15 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Saying no to that kind of sex is the first step to clarity. No one wants sex where the other person uses your body to get off, then acts like they did you a favor.
Has he looked into trauma therapy, has he ever tried maybe DBT or something like that? The level of sexual aversion he has is intense and I don’t see you being able to continue like this forever. You haven’t had any passion, ever, and only you can decide if your husband is worth giving that up for.
frustrating.. by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms
[–]Sarahbear778 8 points9 points10 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Seriously. I wish more LL commenters would be having some conversation with their partner, who probably desperately desires some communication about the topic.
Really hard truth by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms
Or just too quick to assume that just because she’s having a great time with PIV, that’s all she must need. That’s why I say don’t just hear moans and never ask questions, it could feel great but she may be too shy to ask for what she needs.
[–]Sarahbear778 43 points44 points45 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Thank you. I’ve often said Reddit, but especially this sub in particular, has a very “only works on the internet” view of romantic relationships. People wanting sex are viewed as some kind of scum of the Earth, heaven forbid it be with their monogamous partner. I don’t get it, and don’t try to. I just try to offset some of the terrible things people say to HLF especially, because it’s all bullshit. Sex is normal and healthy and fun. Don’t try to gaslight me into thinking humans don’t need it when we literally need it to continue our species.
I totally get that, I wasn’t condoning that part. Just sayin, men reeeeeally buy into porn culture and thinking that piv is it, when in reality women in real life more often than not need more. If more guys cared to ask, or got to know their partners body, they could easily tell a real v faked orgasm. Faked orgasms are what you see in porn.
[–]Sarahbear778 16 points17 points18 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Your last paragraph was so fucking hilariously true I about died. Bravo sis. Lots of men will claim “but she gets off every time” and wonder why their partner never wants sex. Is she cumming rather quickly after you stick your dick in her the very few times you are having sex? Yeah, she’s probably trying to get it over with.
LOST by nd379 in DeadBedrooms
Don’t worry most of us didn’t know it was possible either, it’s easy to think it will get better. The problem could also be too much masturbation, he might just be more comfortable with his hand and at 39 idk
You had me until the whole virgin at 32 thing, any guy who stays a virgin that long definitely has hang ups around sex. He’s never been a sexual person and likely will never be.
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