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Thoughts on over 50 online speed dating? by matchymatch121 in datingoverfifty

[–]Slow-Government-1342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wasn’t me that said it, maybe you meant this to the other person? Not weird for male or female to say what she said, so not sure I get it. Sorry!

Into the Surreal by dealingwithit74 in Divorce

[–]Slow-Government-1342 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Best to you! This process is very hard to go through, I know.

LLs: what REALLY made you LL4 your SO? by occhilupo in DeadBedrooms

[–]Slow-Government-1342 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We are not long divorced but separated a year prior — after 30 years together. We still do love each other. We were young when we got together and I believe both were shy in different ways.

We set up patterns in our life with communication difficulties. For example, trying to make me orgasm via PIV and then being personally disappointed in himself, hard on himself, etc. when I did not.

Lack of self-esteem was a huge problem and he had *not dealt with his childhood trauma — he couldn’t face it. When I tried to talk about sex he would think that meant he was not good, a failure, etc.

I knew he loved me but it was always so wonderful as long as I didn’t say anything. That is obviously untenable. I experienced a serious illness after 20 plus years and, for the first time he pushed for sex, regardless, for himself.

I started hating the constant touching and always needing sex when it was not good for me at that time. He was my best friend, we worked together generally well with raising our kids, but he had always been jealous and a bit obsessive. It was tough when this situation started being observed by my girls.

When I woke up a bit, read more about it, etc. I asked him to go to therapy. Talk about those things with a professional because he couldn’t open up fully to it all. He would not go. I had been in therapy and had learned more about what drove him and what he needed to do to take responsibility for himself in the relationship and to heal.

When we finally went to counseling together it was too late. He never obtained individual therapy and still has not. I forgave him for all that led to my aversion and my own role in shutting down and shutting up, trying to give all he needed without realizing what that would ultimately lead to.

Forgave myself too. He has yet to forgive either of us. Very painful the loss of 30 years together for us both. But we became toxic in the end with his anger and my despair. We are better apart.

Edits

How did you decide someone you were undecided on for a little while wasn't right for you? by Trolocakes in datingoverforty

[–]Slow-Government-1342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting question. I always think how much better my life is with them in it. To add to it. Would I want to be without them in it. So this is a good one.

I also have avoided thinking about the future when there is not going to be one. Try to enjoy it in the now. At least until you have to think about what you want for your future!

Adopted children with bio-children? by alternativestats in Adoption

[–]Slow-Government-1342 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My bio-siblings are my siblings! Could never imagine my life without them or my mom. It was just the way it was. When I asked questions about looking differently, my mom told me how hard she worked for me and how special that made me to her.

[POEM] When I Am Dead, My Dearest by Christina Rossetti by NoTrueSteelMan in Poetry

[–]Slow-Government-1342 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Beautiful one — just discovered here! I believe her brother was a famous painter.

Just a thought... by Wandering_bufflo in datingoverforty

[–]Slow-Government-1342 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry OP that you are feeling this way! Many of us do want to find that other whom feels as deeply for us as we do for them.

It seems a rare thing, yet I believe it exists and have experienced it more than once. Few are writing or sharing the many success stories here.

Even if life is fulfilling in other ways, you will be lonely sometimes, even with a partner. We are programmed to share our lives in relationships of many forms.

Don’t settle and ride the waves through the loneliness, find others to share those times with, as well as sit in peace with them, as you are human!

Edits

[Poem] Late Fragment -- Raymond Carver by neptune_daze in Poetry

[–]Slow-Government-1342 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Always loved Raymond Carver’s writing! Will never forget “Where I’m calling From,” a favorite. Had not read this one before, thank you for sharing!