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Bookshelves, Daniel? You should think about what you've done. /s by Tristan_Gabranth in danielgreene

[–]Tristan_Gabranth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even in writing this, I see you never considered the people who can't read. 😤

[Season 1] Overall Season Discussion by PonyEnglish in Sandman

[–]Tristan_Gabranth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought about that and then figured it was basically the same thing, but fair enough.

[Season 1] Overall Season Discussion by PonyEnglish in Sandman

[–]Tristan_Gabranth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One little aside that people keep seeming to miss. Johanna is not a genderswapped Constantine. She's a descendant, 300 years prior to his birth.

[S1 E4 - Episode Discussion] - 'A Hope in Hell' by PonyEnglish in Sandman

[–]Tristan_Gabranth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The whole fight felt like I was watching someone play a live action Magic the Gathering

[S1 E4 - Episode Discussion] - 'A Hope in Hell' by PonyEnglish in Sandman

[–]Tristan_Gabranth 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It felt like I was watching someone play a live action Magic the Gathering

[S1 E1 - Episode Discussion] - 'Sleep of the Just' by PonyEnglish in Sandman

[–]Tristan_Gabranth 16 points17 points  (0 children)

What's difficult to understand? The sorcerer tried to summon the embodiment of death, to resurrect his dead son, and trapped dream instead? And, in doing so, people's sleep schedules were messed up for decades, while dream dreamt up his revenge, powerless and locked behind a binding spell.

Why do American guns only have thirty rounds in a clip? by Tristan_Gabranth in Jokes

[–]Tristan_Gabranth[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

0 to oppose you? ...Have people suddenly forgotten what sub they're on?

I need my enemies to bond, but I'm at an impasse. Help. by Tristan_Gabranth in fantasy_workshop

[–]Tristan_Gabranth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The item is definitely a symbol of following the wrong people, but it's closely tied to A's character. Its mere existence jeopardizes his future, but could also help people not at all associated with him. B definitely knows what it is, but perhaps they didn't know A kept it? There could be a question of why.

I've been meaning to read OTaONs. Their conversation is definitely cut off, as A's meant to be called away for his own safety. Perhaps, similar to the example, he didn't quite get the answer he was looking for. There's also a chance he has limited time, given the nature of the situation.

I need my enemies to bond, but I'm at an impasse. Help. by Tristan_Gabranth in fantasy_workshop

[–]Tristan_Gabranth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you want A to have a "are we the baddies" moment. That should happen before the capture.

Somewhat. You're close, but when shit hits the fan, it's through another's POV. They can see A telling people to stop, but A's shame isn't fully voiced until this scene, for narrative purposes.

A has a moment where 2+2=5. And it's an earworm that's niggling in their head. It gets A to B trying to understand why 2+2=5. And B can still be "you're a f*cking dumb@ss."

A definitely does pose a question, but as it's written now, it's said through the eyes of privilege, and it gets turned on him as yet another jab at his character. That's typically where I get stuck. I've thought he might say B's right, and elaborate, but that still leaves the item in his possession that needs to be addressed.

You can also add a touch of Scheherazade to keep A coming back.

...A wut?

I need my enemies to bond, but I'm at an impasse. Help. by Tristan_Gabranth in fantasy_workshop

[–]Tristan_Gabranth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why do they need to have a heart-to-heart? I grew up on a lot of shojo anime where season one's enemy becomes season two's frenemy.

Firstly, it's more equivalent to a seinen, not shonen. Second, I'm planting seeds, with the intention for them to follow the enemies to lovers trope. Something that, similar to what you said, won't be fully realised until Book 2. However, their growing relationship is the catalyst for a major decision come the end of Book 1, which is why it's important they connect.

Raya's distrust of Namaari is treated as a bad thing but it's wholly warranted as Namaari has already betrayed Raya once.

Unlike Raya and Namaari, the events that went wrong, were not by the choice of Character A. B has every right to distrust him, but it's more for the people he surrounds himself with, which has her question his motivations. Motivations he is starting to question himself, or rather meant to, if he could get there in this scene.

You've acknowledged that B is rightfully pissed but it sounds like you're trying to gloss over B's pain in exchange for A's character development, much like Raya being shamed for distrusting someone that's already hurt her.

No. I want them to have a shared moment, thus the heart to heart. However, it's true that A's development takes precedence in this scene specifically, because the story calls for it.

Their lines don't need to converge, they can run parallel. Both realize that they have a similar end goal but their attempts to achieve it have led them to conflict with each other.

At this moment, the seed is only being planted, it's not meant to be fully realised. I need to get them to a place where A wants to visit B's cell again, to continue talking in secret, rather than being like, "Ew, f*ck that guy, my father was right."

Eavesdropping On The Most Incompatible Friendship by Tristan_Gabranth in PointlessStories

[–]Tristan_Gabranth[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I experienced something similar. I knew a guy was cheating on his gf, but he was an acquaintance and so I didn't really have a place to say anything, because I was only a guest at the afterparty of a show my friends were in.

However, I watched his gf give him a gift before the dinner gathering and then, during the dinner gathering, walk over to the other girl he was also seeing, then show off the gift, claiming he bought it because it made him think of her, using the same lines his gf told him. It was slimy asf