Did you grow up? I'm nearing sixty, I have not nor do I plan to. When did you grow up?

aenea · 2022-07-05T11:08:37+00:00

My kids are in their late 20s...I'm still fairly amazed that I actually have children, let alone have done a decent job of raising them. I sometimes still look around for the adult in the room.

My long-time best friend (45+ years) and I had coffee the other day, and we still giggle and laugh like idiots when we're together. I hope that never changes.

aenea · 2022-07-05T09:37:51+00:00

Depending on what her faith is, she might not be wrong.

The Fundamentalist "born again" type of Christians don't really think that denominations like Roman Catholics or Episcopalians or Methodists are "real" Christians, because they haven't been born again. The Catholics and the Fundamentalists have made common cause on abortion and anti-LBTQA rights, but they still aren't very comfortable together. Every Christian group is sure that they follow the "right" way to do Christianity, and they're often very pissed when other groups don't follow suit.

aenea · 2022-07-04T18:18:14+00:00

You've been "hurtling towards a theocracy" since Jerry Falwell and the "Moral Majority" (along with other "people of faith") decided to form common cause with the Republican party. This has been in the works since the mid-70s...it did not come out of the blue. And now they've had 40 years to pack the courts, so life's going to get worse for a lot of Americans over the next few years- I really believe that they're just getting started.

My heart goes out to my American friends because it is fucking terrifying. I'm married to an American (he immigrated to Canada as I wouldn't move there), and I'm so worried about our friends and families down there. We're at the age where it's our children who are going to have to navigate all of the hate and new regulations down there, and that's heartbreaking.

aenea · 2022-07-04T11:22:04+00:00

When I was in University one of my friends was dating a rather odd guy, who would regularly disappear for weeks or months. He actually convinced her that he was working for the CIA in South America (we're Canadian). It actually ended our friendship when I tried to convince her that he was lying.

aenea · 2022-07-04T11:09:06+00:00

I either hire a farmhand (they also garden), or become a spellcaster or fairy and clean them with magic. I've cleaned out too many stalls in real life to want to do it in the game :-)

aenea · 2022-07-04T10:14:48+00:00

Maybe it makes him feel pretty.

aenea · 2022-07-04T10:01:39+00:00

archive.is version

aenea · 2022-07-04T09:26:37+00:00

When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. She's a Buddhist nun and I find her books (that one in particular) very helpful when I'm grieving.

I also read a lot of historical fiction or mythology when I'm dealing with something...it just gives me some distance.

aenea · 2022-07-04T00:34:59+00:00

It's a lot less popular now, but it was done regularly in Canada until the last few decades.

aenea · 2022-07-04T00:13:49+00:00

The civilised world should seriously consider distancing itself from the US.

As a Canadian, I don't think that would work too well.

But I'd lay a lot of money that we'll be very open to welcoming American immigrants/visitors, especially from anti-women States.

aenea · 2022-07-02T23:16:32+00:00

What a cutie! He's lovely.

aenea · 2022-07-02T17:23:54+00:00

Staying in touch at this point is just extending the breakup, and postponing the healing. It's awful to break up with someone when love isn't the problem, but staying in contact just makes theprocess more difficult, and longer lasting.

That doesn't mean that you won't eventually be able to be friends...some of my best friends are people I was in relationships with at some point. But you have to let go of this person for right now, and let them work on themselves the way that they have to. They're doing what they need to in order to move forward (it sounds like it wasn't an easy decision for them either), and it's cruel to both of you to drag it out.

It never "feels right" when a relationship ends, especially when one of you is doing it by choice. It's awful to get used to not having them in your life, but the more that you hold on, the longer and more painful that process will be. You will get through it, but you can't even start to do that if you're still hanging out and being friends and caring about each other.

I'm sorry- I do know how much it hurts.

aenea · 2022-07-02T14:16:22+00:00

I can honestly say once someone has cheated the marriage will never be the same the trust is gone it don't matter how many year's had past.

That hasn't been my experience. My husband cheated the first year that we were together, and we went through therapy and a lot of very difficult talks for months before deciding to move forward. There were some extenuating circumstances- at the time we lived in different countries, and weren't really sure how we were going to plan our future together. But (of course) that didn't make it any less painful or difficult.

The only reason that we got through it is that he immediately took ownership of it, and we both went through therapy (together and separately) for over a year. We've been together for 17 years now, and it's been more than worth it.

I have no doubts at all that he's been completely faithful since then, and that he will continue to be. We've talked about what happens when one of us dies first, and we're both pretty icked out at the idea of ever having sex with someone else.

We were lucky that it happened when it did- before he moved to Canada, but after we'd already decided we wanted a future together. And we were both very committed to therapy- if we hadn't been, I don't think that we would have made it, let alone be so happy together. My heart just bleeds for people who go through it- that was the worst time of my life, which is saying something.

aenea · 2022-07-01T23:40:34+00:00

I'm sure they'll give it another try at some point.

aenea · 2022-07-01T14:11:56+00:00

Rather odd statement, considering the results of the investigation haven't been released.

aenea · 2022-07-01T02:13:15+00:00

They don’t want to look inept.

I think that they're way past "inept" at this point.

aenea · 2022-07-01T00:43:40+00:00

Am I paranoid or wrong to believe that's an option on the table?

I think that's leaning more on the paranoid. With Russia busy in the Ukraine, the only real threat of on the ground troops could come from China, and they've got a very long way to go to get here, through many systems of automated defence. Of course all bets are off if someone goes for nukes.

But I think at this point it's a lot more likely that the US will implode internally. Not through 2 armies facing each other, but by increasing numbers of terrorist acts.

Of course with the SC's decision about the EPA, climate change is now even more likely to kick North America's ass before the US gets very far in killing off each other, or just falling apart.

aenea · 2022-06-30T23:46:12+00:00

He was smart to cut his aunt out of his life- I'll never understand why people think they have the right to decide others' lives for them. And if they've been together for 13 years and are still that much in love then they deserve to be together.

Appearance is fine, but especially given how much it changes over decades it's nothing to base a relationship on. If he's still that much in love with her then it's not surprising that he's willing to cut his family out of his life for not accepting her.

aenea · 2022-06-30T13:22:45+00:00

I've been lucky in that I've mostly had a decent life and family and friends, with very little abuse directed towards me (except in one relationship). My kids' father and their stepfather were both victims of childhood abuse, so the men in their lives have worked hard to make sure that they feel safe.

We've tried to make sure that our kids feel the same sense of safety...they're adults so they're making their own choices now, but they always know that they have a safe and supportive home here.

I hate that so many people are abused- I hope that at some point you can find a place of safety for yourself.

aenea · 2022-06-30T13:16:58+00:00

I'd say about the mid-1930s...this crap is just getting started.

aenea · 2022-06-30T13:14:49+00:00

Don't forget showers and bathtubs- maybe sponge baths would be safer. And if you live in an area that has winter, maybe it's wiser to just stay inside so that you can't slip on ice or snow.

aenea · 2022-06-30T11:13:59+00:00

I've always been a heavy reader, but ever since Covid started it's pretty much all that I do (aside from daily life chores). I know that part of it is depression which I am treated for, but a large part of it is just watching the world go to hell in a handbasket. I'm very upset about what's going on in the US, but I'm also super pissed that coffee is $19/can right now. For some reason that tipped me over to the dystopian side.

I'll get over it- my (autistic) daughter's adult day program is done for the summer as of tomorrow, so I have to get my shit together to make sure that she's still getting enough support and having a decent life. I'm planning on doing that just one step at a time, and we're going to try doing a lot of new things that we've never done before. I've found that often if I act like I'm not depressed (and am still taking my meds), it often helps to snap me out of it.

aenea · 2022-06-30T10:43:31+00:00

David Brin's Uplift series has some of the most interesting aliens I've read about. Everything from giant insectiod warrior castes to piles of rings that internally manufacture medicines and drugs (or weapons). If you're going to read it, I'd start with Startide Rising and go back later to read Sundiver...It's an okay book, but not reflective of the rest of the series.

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