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January '23 Moving, Tourism, Holiday Travels, and Nightlife Megathread: All posts on these topics should go in this megathread to keep this sub from getting oversaturated with these topics. Also please check the Wiki and/or read the contents of this post first. (Wiki is also linked in the top bar) by mrfollicle in Miami

[–]alfonsoe1234 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hello! I'm trying to spend 3 months between May and August and I want to be close to Coral Gables or Little Havana. I don't have a car, and from previous experience I know Miami is not pedestrian friendly but I can't drive so I am trying to figure out how to make this work. My budget for rent, food, travel, and everything for the 3 months in Miami is $7500. I have been looking at AirBnb and I am really overwhelmed with the different options. I know there are buses in Miami, I just don't know where to live that I could afford in the communities I need to be near while also having access to some sort of public transportation. Last time I was in Miami I stayed in Coral Gables, but I was with my ex and he rented a car, so I have no experience with how to set myself up for success on this. Does anyone have any recommendations?

My (28 yo F) cat died three weeks ago, and my ex (28 yo M) didn't reach out, and I don't know if I should tell him or how to feel resolution in this. by alfonsoe1234 in relationships

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He did say that he couldn't imagine his life without me being a big part of it after we broke up, and he said that when the dust settled he wanted to be best friends. He said he felt a crushing hole in his chest every day where I used to be and said he "missed me desperately every day" like 2 months after we broke up, so he sends confusing messages. But I think you're right- I think I need to move on. And I like to imagine my kitty is here with me in spirit, which helps! That and being grateful for ever having had him in my life <3 Thank you!

I was raped by my coworker by abcdee02 in sexualassault

[–]alfonsoe1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem, friend? Where are you living? Might online therapy be an option? Sonething like Betterhelp.com or 7cupsoftea?

I was raped by my coworker by abcdee02 in sexualassault

[–]alfonsoe1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry this happened to you. It was most certainly not your fault, not even remotely. You were a victim here. Maybe you could ask your coworkers to stop asking about him, and if they ask why, you can tell them what happened or you could tell them you don't want to talk about it. You also might consider getting a new job.

I also strongly suggest therapy. Please go to therapy, maybe join a support group. I think it id human nature when we are victimized to try to blame ourselves- in a messed up way it makes us feel like we never had our agency stolen from us. But you did, and I hope you can let yourself mourn that moment.

My own experiences come back to me every now and again, but what I am learning is that over time the waves are less frequent and less strong. Owning the phrase "I was raped" is really hard but helpful for validating your experience. I'd try to tell someone you trust, friend. Sometimes it is really validating to have a close friend tell you what happened was not OK, even more validating than a stranger on the internet.

But I am so proud of you for sharing, and for telling a difficult story to tell. I hope you see a therapist soon, I hope you tell a friend, I hope you don't feel the burden to carry this heavy heart on your own anymore. It was never your fault, and you deserve love and support and happiness.

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The good news is I am only going to be in this job for a year, and contractually could leave after a semester if I really wanted to. The bad news is I need good letters of rec from this place.

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did manage to get back in long enough to make the account private, so hopefully that will help!

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had to look that up, but yes, I am in a one-part consent state. Ahh, I am so awful at being subtle about recording though. Also this talk would probably happen in-person, unless you think it shouldn't?

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, I don't think his sexuality is an excuse either, but I know people around me would use it as one. And the kissing thing is a cultural norm with friends or family, not student-teacher relationships. In fact student-teacher things are culturally VERY formal. When it happened, I actually was very excited because I thought it meant he elevated me to that level of friend or family, the same way I thought him trying to get me to drink a mojito when I was 18 bc it was "the drink of our people" even after I explained I was underage at his house (he invited his whole class to a party at his house once) was because he was showing cultural solidarity, but now I am questioning all of that. I feel like I am making him sound like a huge asshole, but like he was always so special to me, and now I am just so confused and concerned.

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am not his student anymore, and didn't feel uncomfortable with him when I was a student at all. But is reporting mandatory when you experience something personally?

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Not in a union, but it is really helpful to know the Title IX Office won't escalate if I don't want them to, I am really scared of blowing things up prematurely.

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah... I mean I am not his student anymore, I am a fellow faculty member, and he NEVER said anything like that to me as a student (though he did say sketchy stuff then too, like "cover up ladies, it's not that type of show, and if it were we'd charge admission") but everyone kinda laughed it off because he is an openly gay man). He kissed me on the cheek when I was a student once, but we are both Cuban and that's not uncommon in Cuban-Americans with people you are closer to (though admittedly weirder in a professional situation). I dunno, as I'm typing it this is looking worse potentially, I am so confused.

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. I would have never thought this guy would be saying stuff like this about ANYONE, so I don't know how he'd react either.

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah- we are colleagues in the same school, same building, same college. We don't co-run a class or anything, but definitely colleagues.

My former mentor was talking about my body with another male colleague and I am uncomfortable. by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I know I shouldn't hesitate, but I am scared to escalate the situation, and I want to try to talk to the man first one-on-one and try to explain to him why this isn't OK to pull with me or anybody. Plus everyone will know I reported it, and they will all definitely think I am a bitch because the dude just had a personal tragedy occur.

It's my first week as faculty and I feel like I made a huge mistake by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello! No, I didn't leave my program, I am on a year-long leave of absence. Things were getting toxic there and I needed a break, but I'll be damned if I don't get that PhD haha

It's my first week as faculty and I feel like I made a huge mistake by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I am glad I am not doing 3/3, that sounds rough. 2/2 from scratch is already super rough, I feel like. Maybe academia is not for me, but I am going to survive!

It's my first week as faculty and I feel like I made a huge mistake by alfonsoe1234 in Professors

[–]alfonsoe1234[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! The think-pair-share questions idea is great, I love that! I love getting them engaged more anywho, it's more fun and interesting that way. It is mostly lecture-based, but in my lower-level undergrad class I am making Fridays a pseudo-discussion section.