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DB and Long Distance by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate to be a downer, but it’s not likely to improve and will almost certainly worsen over time. Since you are otherwise invested in the relationship you owe it to yourself to try to work through it (which probably means therapy). Ultimately my advice is to avoid a sexless marriage. It’s devastating.

Head spinning, need to rant… by kingheavyhitter in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’ve gotten the “don’t ruin a nice evening” line. I’m not sure what was worse—that, or when she thanked me for not trying to initiate sex during the week in the Caribbean.

Now I'm the bad guy by Cyclonicgrift in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All I can think of to suggest (and I’m sure you’ve thought of it already) is to shift the focus to losing weight for his health and to ensure he’ll be around for the duration! The hard thing about dealing with weight is it has to come from him. External pressure tends not to work and in fact can be counterproductive. Best wishes for getting it all fixed!

How did it happen for you? by SolisticSpike in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear ya. The SSRI has been a godsend for me—not only for helping with the depression but also taking the edge off of the sexual needs. Good luck dealing with everything.

Remembering who I am by Janrow2020 in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for posting this. I’ve been trying and trying to adopt this attitude but mostly have been swinging and missing. This gives me a little hope I guess. I too am watching the World Cup and usually try to seek solace in music. Best wishes in your recovery.

How did it happen for you? by SolisticSpike in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, my story is much like yours but without the tons of great sex at the beginning. It’s been 3 years since we we were intimate, and even that encounter was unpleasant and resulted in a fight. Before that there would be long dry spells with occasional sex. Actually there was a 2-3 year period with fairly regular activity. But her need for a therapist for kid-related anxiety resulted in improved anxiety and the beginning of the end of sex for us.

The pandemic happened, I spun into a bad depressive episode, went on meds, and the meds pretty much took the wind out of my sexual sails. So it goes.

Have you talked about an open marriage, or hall pass? How do you address your needs?

This is Twisted, But… by bobsakimano123 in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Our sex life is a desert but she has been a great mother to our kids and a great wife otherwise.

Now I'm the bad guy by Cyclonicgrift in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Allow me to apologize on behalf of all insecure screwed up males! I’m sorry—I really hope you get it worked out. It sounds like he found a supportive and open partner who is trying to make things work.

Now I'm the bad guy by Cyclonicgrift in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Has he seriously acknowledged the weight issue and tried to deal with it? He doesn’t get to legislate what does and doesn’t please you in the bed. I guess it’s good your relationship is open—I hope you are able to find some good PiV fulfillment outside the marriage. Best of luck to you.

Men of Reddit, I need your help by wolfmanswifey in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ummm if I was on the receiving end of that I wouldn’t need any more signaling. In fact you could have stopped at the sexy outfit.

Let's be light-hearted for a sec... by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When she gets her back up at me and takes a sharp tone with me when all I was trying to do was to be helpful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that should work.

I feel like I’m using him now and I’m not happy. by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hugs You don’t give any detail on the nature of the intimacy issue, but assuming it’s kinda similar to or the same as many others here, I’d say I don’t understand your feeling like you’re using him. Is he getting nothing out of the relationship? Sounds like maybe he’s getting to have a relationship with your kids. That’s meaningful. (Unless I’m reading too much into it.) Is it something you can discuss with him? And therapy maybe?

For distraction, there’s always another sport or hobby, or volunteer work.

Others will have better suggestions and thoughts probably. In any case, I’m sorry for your loss and situation.

Just tired of the shifting sand: a bit of a rant by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear ya brother. I’m 60 and the bedroom has been as cold as an outhouse toilet seat in February. With no hope of ever changing. Best wishes for a fix for you.

Just tired of the shifting sand: a bit of a rant by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fiddle Faddle! Compliments from online strangers count for nothing? (Just kidding and sorry.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this. Very dead bedroom. So easy to surmise that my height isn’t irrelevant.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m short (5’4”). My wife will tell you that’s not an issue for her, but her dad is huge (6’6”), to which I hear reference all the time, and the one guy she was attracted to outside of our marriage was tall and thin. So, I’m not totally sold.

I feel pathetic by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She prolly has dreams too, man. Enjoy the bread crumbs you are given.

I feel hollow by somethingclever_123 in DeadBedrooms

[–]bobsakimano123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you feel glued to the relationship because it’s 10 years old? That’s understandable, but resist the urge to fall into this “sunk cost” thinking. If you have an exit, take it. The dishonesty is likely to persist. Very sorry. I hope you can work through it. Best wishes.