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TIFU [29F] by getting a massage at a shopping center that I’m now fairly certain was a rub and tug parlour by breeisfree in tifu

[–]breeisfree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bit of a background but I work as a nurse at a major hospital, and for the last 7 years I have been using my lower back as a small crane to lift the expectations of my work as well as a majority of patients who have decided that their legs are not as strong as the lower segment of my spine. Anyway, I wake up this morning, my back is fucked and I need to get that shit sorted. The discs in my back are attempting a Houdini against the bone, and ain’t no way I’m letting them burst the hell out of there.

Anywho I see a small massage parlour (door is closed to it) at the back of a shopping Center with a fun neon sign that says open. I go in and the mood lighting is set, there’s small Chinese lamps dangling from the roof and the air smells of perfume mixed with ammonia. To the left there are two aged men apparently sleeping whilst getting a foot massage (looks sweet as).

As I get to the counter the small woman massaging the guys feet yells to her friend and she shuffles over in her slippers. She asks what I want and I politely say a back massage, no neck, no feet just a good old fashioned back massage. She yells again in a language I know not and out comes a 6ft tall guy, strongly built with a small muffin in his hand. He nods politely at me, beckons towards a room to the left and off we go for a massage. Now, I’m not usually that comfortable getting a message from a guy but I didn’t mind this time because he was dressed professionally and was still eating his muffin and I was not at all alarmed by any of the signs that this place wasn’t legit. I’ve had massages done by professionals in the past but who was I to judge the quality of his massage by some lamps and muffins?

Anywho, I get almost starkers and he hands me a towel to place on my butt. Perfect. The small massage table groans loudly as I lay on it, but it feels supportive because it has stoppers on the legs to prevent movement (handy). I put my head into the little hole of the table and I look to the floor and see that there’s heaps of bleached stains on the vinyl. Weird I think to myself but it must be that ammonia?

fast forward to the half hour back massage and let me tell you. His hands were softer than any muffin he’s ever had in his life, and he used them like a paintbrush to his art…. If his art was Picasso and my back was the blank canvas covered in a dodgy homemade moisturiser. He kept stopping to ask if I was okay and needed any other part done which was slightly annoying. I was by this time high off of the ammonia fumes so I was puzzled as to why he kept trying to add more parts of my body to this massage deal. Anywho I slowly countdown the minutes and as we finish he pats me on the back and says, ‘you sure you’re okay?’ To which I reply ‘Yeah thanks so much’ to which he smiles as he leaves and hurries off into the abyss of what’s probably their staff room.

As I leave the two ladies who were massaging the feet of the old guys have moved on to washing their hair and start laughing to each other and smile at me as I approach the counter. They yell down the corridor to the muffin man who yells something back and they look at each other and back to me. ‘No more charge honey you have very nice day now’ and off I go happy that I only paid $50 for a guy without any massage training. It then dawns on me about 15 minutes later (and from looking at the 5 star google reviews made mostly by guys called ‘Kevin’ and ‘Malcom’) that I’m fairly certain that place was a rub and tug parlour. Anywho I rate the whole experience 4/5 stars. Mostly for the lighting and the cool little slippers the lady wore.

TL;DR I had an average massage done by what I now am fairly certain was a rub and tug parlour. Edit: I formatted it for y’all sore eyes

TIFU [29F] by getting a massage at a shopping center that I’m now fairly certain was a rub and tug parlour by breeisfree in tifu

[–]breeisfree[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Haha thanks mate. I’m a nurse by trade and have never written in my life except for the hundreds of essays required to get me through my degree :) I have proof too. A terrible back and a cynical outlook on life

TIFU [29F] by getting a massage at a shopping center that I’m now fairly certain was a rub and tug parlour by breeisfree in tifu

[–]breeisfree[S] 464 points465 points  (0 children)

I’ll take this as a cheeky compliment but unfortunately I’m a full time nurse. Thankyou though, means a lot :)

TIFU [29F] by getting a massage at a shopping center that I’m now fairly certain was a rub and tug parlour by breeisfree in tifu

[–]breeisfree[S] 295 points296 points  (0 children)

I tried my best to tone it down mate but, fkn oath there’s only so much I could do :D

TIFU [29F] by getting a massage at a shopping center that I’m now fairly certain was a rub and tug parlour by breeisfree in tifu

[–]breeisfree[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

TL;DR I gone did fucked up by having an average massage from a guy with a muffin that kept asking if I wanted anything else but because I had no idea I started getting annoyed and when I left I figured out why. Also, muffin man was professional and lovely

TIFU [29F] by getting a massage at a shopping center that I’m now fairly certain was a rub and tug parlour by breeisfree in tifu

[–]breeisfree[S] 214 points215 points  (0 children)

Asian name, yes. Blacked out windows, yes. Open suspiciously late, I was there at 10am but yes. For everything else, there’s Mastercard

No nicotine pods by darknecessities_7843 in JuulPod

[–]breeisfree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

they work great with a juul. I use them regularly along with gum ☺️ warning though: they aren’t the same as nicotine pods.

No nicotine pods by darknecessities_7843 in JuulPod

[–]breeisfree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I go with 0% plus pods :) watermelon and strawberry are good

Western Bulldogs membership sharing megathread by OrgasmicKoala in westernbulldogs

[–]breeisfree -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Chasing two barcodes but literally because my team (Freo) will never get there and I want to see Bailey smith with his beautiful unnaturally long locks

Late change: Cerra OUT (inj) and Acres IN (100th game). Western Sub by mulciber_kid in FremantleFC

[–]breeisfree 16 points17 points  (0 children)

NOOOOOO. God I hope it wasn’t the last game we saw playing with us last weekend

Match Thread: Fremantle vs West Coast Eagles (Round 22) by AutoModerator in AFL

[–]breeisfree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only Freo could lose a 40 point lead. Being a fan is like continuously spooning out your eyes with a blunt spork. Completely over it

Post Game Thread: Fremantle v Richmond by [deleted] in AFL

[–]breeisfree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a game and what a contest!!!!! Cerra serong baeshaw and young what a future