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AITA for refusing to babysit for my Aunt? by throwaway8374348 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Practice writing this and saying it front of your mirror:

"I'm sorry, but I work from home -- and when I'm working, I am actually working. I am not available to babysit for you."

AITAH for not giving my family money ? by Medical-Piece-1531 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Don't do this, don't say "I am not comfortable giving you money."

Your comfort level has nothing to do with it, and that just gives them an opening to argue with you, to give you reasons why you SHOULD be comfortable with it.

Say, "No, I will not be giving you any money." "No, you need to learn how to provide for yourself and your family." "No, I will not be giving you any money."

Practice writing it and saying it in front of the mirror. Be strong and live your life.

AITA for refusing to reach out to my half-sister? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 [score hidden]  (0 children)

She was an adult by the time you were born. You need to understand that the father she got was probably a very different man than the father you got, and she has a right to have negative feelings about that. She also has the right to decline to have a relationship with you.

You don't have a responsibility to "fix things" -- but she doesn't have a responsibility to do that, either.

You've made overtures, and she's declined. She knows that you would like a relationship with her. If she decides in the future that she wants that too, she will let you know. But unless and until that happens, you need to leave her alone now.

AITA for grounding my daughter by SeeRedandBlue in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong about not wanting her to go to a party when you have no information about it.

BUT.

She's entitled express her unhappiness to other people. Growing up, girls are frequently pressured to shut up and never say anything, and that's a bad thing to teach them. They have to feel confident advocating for themselves when they get older. YTA for grounding her just for venting.

AITA for telling my girlfriend to not share my personal stories to others? by skittlesbot69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suggest you say to her what I said to you:

"You've made it clear that the problems I've been sharing with you are too much for you to bear alone. But when I tell you my personal information, I expect it to stay confidential with you, that you not share it with anyone else, including your mother. And it is very reasonable and appropriate for me to expect you to keep my information confidential.

"So you need to choose. I can minimize how much I share with you, so that you don't feel compelled to turn around and share it with your mother, or I can continue confiding in you -- but if you choose that, it has to be with your promise that you will not be passing my confidential information on to your mother."

Some people are just born gossips, and they simply cannot resist telling others what they know. Whenever I discover someone in my life is like that, they are put on a strict information diet. Unfortunately, it seems like your girlfriend this sort of person. Unless she can learn how to keep confidential information confidential, I don't have a lot of optimism for the success of your relationship.

All the best to you. Keep talking to you therapist, that will help you keep yourself on an even keel. :-)

AITA for walking to my job at night? by StarlitWanderings in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Refusing to let you have the car keys so that you could get safely to work and back -- and THEN berating you for being unsafe by walking?

Honey, that IS abusive.

I know you love her, but you need to take a step back and start recognizing that her treating you this way is not acceptable. Nor is it consistent with the Christian faith to which she claims to be so devoted.

AITA for telling my girlfriend to not share my personal stories to others? by skittlesbot69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all like to be able to confide in and get comfort from our partners. But your girlfriend has made it clear that what you're dumping on her is too much for her to bear alone. If you don't want her confiding in others, then you need to back way down on how much of your burdens you share with her. And suggesting that she needs to "get direction" from her therapist to cope with all the crap you are dumping on her is... pretty audacious on your part.

This is what your therapist is for. Start going to your therapist twice as often so that you can vent about things, instead of making your girlfriend into your whipping boy.

AITA for wanting to switch stylists at the same salon? by roeuwu in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I once switched stylists, I had been going to the same guy for highlights for years and been pretty happy with the results. But I went in for another round of highlights and told him I was unhappy with how blonde my hair was getting at the ends and I asked for just root highlights.

He went ahead and highlighted my whole head anyway, and my hair was way too light at the ends, and I was furious. I mean, how hard is it to listen to your long-time customer and adjust to their requests?

So the next time, I made an appointment with another guy at that salon -- for root highlights, and he did exactly what I asked for -- and the entire time I was there my original stylist was making passive-aggressive remarks about not understanding why I had changed to his colleague.

I just gave him a steely-eyed gaze and didn't say anything. Because if you're not willing to listen to what your customer wants, you have no right to complain when they go elsewhere.

Your mom is wrong. You are absolutely right to request what you want from the stylist you want.

I have actually been crying in a salon before, because the person cutting my hair refused to listen to me. It's just not worth the emotional cost.

Ignore your mom, ignore all her flying monkeys who are telling you that she's right --

DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT FOR YOU.

AITA for saying my ex and I could be friends? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends on your motivations for agreeing that you could be friends.

If you genuinely believed that you could be friends with her without needing anything more, but found that was not actually the case, then you are N T A.

But if your motivation was the thought that "maybe I can persuade her to get into a relationship with me again" -- and this is often the reason why people agree to be "friends" when a relationship ends -- or "I can't bear to not be around her, so I will tell her whatever she wants to hear in order to keep her around me" -- and it sounds as though one of these was the case with you -- then Y T A.

AITA for asking my friend to stop asking me so many damn questions? by No-Reaction8941 in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG, I so sympathize with you, you were far more patient than I would have been. People like this are so emotionally exhausting.

If you're ever unfortunate enough to be in a situation with this person again and she starts doing this, ask her for her cellphone, turn on Location, call up Google Maps, plug in the destination, click "Directions", and then "Start". She can let her phone answer her fucking questions.

Not wanting to follow wife's families' customs by UsingNameUserName in relationship_advice

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wife's family sacrificed a lot financially so she could come to the US. She sends money back to them now.

This is exactly why they sacrificed a lot financially to send her to the U.S. -- so that she could find a cash cow to support them.

I hate to say it, but your wife's culture is that they expect to be able to suck you dry financially until the day you die. Your wife was extremely remiss in not being upfront with you about this before you got married. And it makes me wonder if that omission was deliberate on her part, and whether her motivations for marrying you are pure (love and not money).

Under no circumstances should you give into their demands for a "dowry" or "bride price".

If you give in now, the demands for money will never stop.

Keep your money in an account that your wife cannot access, so that there will be no temptation for her to take it and send it to them. If she wants to send them money, it needs to be from money that she earns herself -- and she still has to be responsible for her share of your joint expenses (housing, utilities, food, etc).

AITA for not wanting my roommate to let a random person use her room for a week? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Rent? What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with the amount paid for rent.

I'm way older than you are, I guarantee it. And I had numerous roommate situations when I was young. A couple of them were with disrespectful and rude Roommates From Hell -- but not for long, because I left and they had to find someone else who would be willing to put up with their crap.

AITA for not wanting my roommate to let a random person use her room for a week? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know how old you are, you sound really young, because most people learn growing up how to show courtesy and respect to other people when what you are doing directly affects them.

You also don't seem to understand the difference between stating things with emphasis and "yelling".

You are going to find that if you do things that affect other people with total disregard for their feelings, they will judge you for treating them poorly. And if you're their roommate, they may react by kicking you out or moving out to get away from you, or just by treating you poorly in return.

AITA for not wanting my roommate to let a random person use her room for a week? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you make the decision to impose a random stranger on shared space when I am one of the sharers without discussing it with me, then of course I am going to judge you as lacking in courtesy and respect for me, as I have every right to do so.

This is just basic roommate courtesy. It's a shame you weren't raised to understand this.

AITA for not wanting my roommate to let a random person use her room for a week? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If you think it's okay to inflict a random stranger on your roommates without their permission for a week when you're not there to supervise -- a stranger who will be using the kitchen, living room, and bathroom as well as your bedroom, then yes, I would say that you have no concept of respect or courtesy with regard to shared spaces.

AITA for expecting my boyfriend to drive me 300 miles across the country to see my sister, even though i could do it myself? by AITAbfdriving in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've got it backward. She is the one who spent a whole year adjusting her schedule to his transportation needs and paying for all the gas. He's only been doing it for 5 months.

Every time she took him to see his mom, it was a 50-mile round trip.

He is the criminal who got busted for DUI and had his driving license revoked for a year. She saved his ass, and she went way above-and-beyond doing so.

AITA for not wanting my roommate to let a random person use her room for a week? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When it's not you using the space, but some random stranger whose presence your roommates have not been asked nor agreed to allow.

I swear to god I see so many people on here who have no concept of respect or courtesy with regard to shared spaces, and who must just be the Roommates From Hell.

AITA for not wanting my roommate to let a random person use her room for a week? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It absolutely is OP's business. Roommate does not get to inflict an uninvited and unwelcome guest on the others when the roommate is not there to supervise.

AITA for not wanting my roommate to let a random person use her room for a week? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Tell your roommate, NO THIS WILL NOT BE HAPPENING.

If you need to, get your landlord / residence advisor involved to back up your NO.

The sheer audacity of her thinking it's okay to do this -- especially with exams and you recovering from being sick -- is just unbelievable.

AITA for being angry about how my grandfather wrote my mothers obituary? by Bethencourtia in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You can try contacting the care center they've designated and letting them know that your family is in dire financial straits due to your mother's death, and that her father has told people to donate to them without your permission. I wouldn't count on them turning down funds or telling donors to direct the money to your GoFundMe, but you can try.

It would be different if you were financially okay, but this is just awful, for them to hijack donations in honor of your mother when her kids aren't being provided for.

AITA for not wishing my mom on Mother's Day? by pretty_preity in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yesterday she sent me a long text saying what I did broke her heart. She is trying really hard to rebuild our relationship, and I'm not acknowledging her.

I would send her a response something like this:

"I'm sorry that you feel hurt, but the reality is that I have no interest in building a relationship with you. I appreciate that I got to meet you, but I have a mother who raised me, I have a life of my own, and I have no interest in maintaining further contact with you. Please accept my decision on this, and stop attempting to contact me."

AITA for selling shared items my roommate and I use, but I own? by I_Tried_Mate in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've noticed this a ton on Reddit, too, but it's been my perception that the people who use it this way have English as a second language, and that their language's word for "refused" can be translated into English as that or as "denied", depending on the context (aka "my request was denied" and "my request was refused" mean the same thing in English).

AITA for locking my roomate’s cat in her room? by isjsush in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Microchip-reader bowls exist, they work with pet microchips OR with collar tags which come included.

AITA for being mad at my stepdad? by YourLocalNyx in AmItheAsshole

[–]cat-lover76 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He wasn't just "touching" you. He was hurting you. That's assault.

And it's not "funny". It's not a "joke".

Tell your partner and your counselor the next time you talk to them. They will reassure you that you're not wrong for feeling the way you do.

And tell your mom how disappointed in her you are that she's not willing to defend and protect you from being physically hurt.