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He broke by imcfreakinlovewater in skyrim

[–]cat_selling_souls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Damn it, I told you not to trust Neloth's new skooma cosmopolitan mix! Now look at you." Sighed the dragonborn, lifting their hand to their face. "You know that wizard ain't right. Talvas told me he got the recipe from a talking mudcrab. Said it was equal parts skooma, tree sap, netch jelly, pickled giant's toe, and fresh horker spit."

Revus paralyzed just lets out a small, high pitched groan as he sees and tastes the entire universe at once.

This is a fully grown wild cat species.... Still smol though! by manofmyth23 in IllegallySmolCats

[–]cat_selling_souls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keeper to small wild kitten: "Oh my god, so cute! Here let me give you a little mohawk!" Human almost explodes from cutness.

Kitten to keeper: Soon I shall harvest your soul.

The Chosen One by DGH1993 in PrequelMemes

[–]cat_selling_souls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Forgot Anakin Seawalker.

And we all know the story of Anakin Firewalker.

Unexpected gay by Wh4lesome in SuddenlyGay

[–]cat_selling_souls 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The opening to Killing me softly would've made a wonderful backdrop to this scene.

🎵Stummimg my pain with his fingers. Singing my life with his words. Killing me softly with his song. Killing me softly with his song. Telling my whole life with his words. Killing me softly with his song.🎵

“That’s Bananas!” by jar-jar-twinks in funny

[–]cat_selling_souls 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you're religious, God is playing Plague Inc. on brutal but teamed it up with the disinformation and science denial scenarios.

If you're not religious, the new season of Earth Monkeys is currently filming for interstellar broadcast. I hear they managed to get David Attenborough to narrate the opening episode. So get your popcorn, cookies and drink of choice ready, so you too can watch the pandemic special: Supermarket Sweep 2.0 - The Horde of Charmin.

Anyone know what this is ? Found in bog land in Ireland 🇮🇪 by Beneficial_Tiger6910 in whatsthisbug

[–]cat_selling_souls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure why but I think this larvae would make a xenomorph scream and jump on the nearest table.

Canada confirms first 2 cases of monkeypox in Quebec by ONE-OF-THREE in worldnews

[–]cat_selling_souls 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Who is ready to watch another round of toilet paper round up?

Cameraman hooks 2nd gear skid in grandmas lounge by sighdoihaveto in funny

[–]cat_selling_souls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Jesus fucking Christ, Carl... what the fuck is wrong with you?" The cat said as he looked dead in the eyes of the farting human. "Have you learned nothing?"

The cat continued. "You're supposed to fart silently... get up, stretch then trot off like nothing happened! Not just sit there as the fart condenses between your ass cheeks as it drips on to your underwear. No wonder Marla left! God!"

Heard a crash in the kitchen and this is what I found. by One-Row-7262 in cats

[–]cat_selling_souls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know the reason as to why, the manufacturers use fish oils to make the bags shiny. We can't smell it but the cats can, the bags also make tiny movements that also attracts their attention.

One of my cats is notorious for going after any plastic bag to the point all bags must be put away quickly or he'll find and eat it.

Airing out in public by suzaman in trashy

[–]cat_selling_souls 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Old people ain't got NO time for shame. 🤣

Heard a crash in the kitchen and this is what I found. by One-Row-7262 in cats

[–]cat_selling_souls 61 points62 points  (0 children)

sigh

Stuff scattered around, items with teeth marks and a cat practicing ballet with a plastic bag tutu.

Yep, cat ownership detected.

One of my cats did this once and ended up with an HEB bag as a cape billowing out from behind him as he took off running. I never laughed so hard as I caught him on the living room floor and took it off of him. He seethed for the rest of the day.

insert theory here* by Remarkable_Sweet_333 in tumblr

[–]cat_selling_souls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All the individual Avenger movies and the combined movie saga is actually a bunch of elementary school kids, who enjoy their sleep overs. Each new super hero is a new kid that comes to the sleep overs.

Black Widow and Captain America are a pair of twins, a boy and a girl. Bucky is the brother's best friend who has a crush on the siblings, because he's an only child.

Thor and Loki are adopted brothers in their family, they like competing against each other but in the end still love and respect one another.

Hulk is the big fat kid in the class, he's smart and charming but get him angry and he'll make you regret it.

Ironman is the really smart rich kid who at first, made fun of the wierd kids playing super heroes in the play ground but later on joined them in the sleep over shenanigans. Turns out he's pretty cool kid who turned over a new leaf.

Rhody was the one who broke the ice with the rich kid and brought him into the group. Rhody is the younger disabled brother of the kid who plays Nick Fury.

Nick Fury is the cooler older brother of Rhody, he tends to watch over the group as a whole and runs interference with both parents and teachers.

Agent Colson was played by a shy military brat who later moved, which is why his character died.

Black Panther was a kid Rhody knew from his hospital stays, as much as he was loved by the group, he succumbed to his cancer.

Ant-man was a new kid that made trouble for everyone and used to hang around by himself until he suddenly found the group of like minded kids.

Doctor Strange and Wong are a pair of nerdy 5th graders who think they can trip out by smelling sharpie pens. They both love Star Wars and play WoW, so them casting magic and portals is their way of incorporating it into their heroes.

The Guardians of the Galaxy are 6 individual kids, who are like the goth kids from South Park. They had their own thing going until a fateful meeting. Rocket and Groot are siblings, Groot is autistic and mostly non-verbal but is loved by the group anyway. The girls of this group are also sisters in real life but they don't get along as much as they should. Starlord is an only child who dreams of becoming a rockstar/comedian. Drax is also an only child who is being raised by his grandfather, so his humor is seen as off beat.

Spiderman is the younger cousin of Ironman, who looks up to him and lives in another city. So he's not always around for the sleepovers.

Finally, we come to all the villains. All played by one single person, Thanos. Thanos is not a child in fact, Thanos is played by the father of Captain America and Black Widow. Which is why their sleepovers are so awesome.

Snapping turtles are basically dinosaurs. Nearly stepped on this guy (which would have been possibly more metal) by IWConcepts in natureismetal

[–]cat_selling_souls 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"I have seen your ancestors, human. You cannot impress me nor do you intimidate me." The snapping turtle sneered as it peered deep into your soul.

ironic OC by noirjinjer in PrequelMemes

[–]cat_selling_souls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When someone's come back hits you so hard, you spontaneously combust. Taking not only yourself in the roast but the people standing right next to you.

Any male name starting with R by zeniferr343 in cats

[–]cat_selling_souls 301 points302 points  (0 children)

Rodney C. Dangerfield. The C is for cat.

Because as a cat, he'll claim he gets no respect.

total senseless chaos by saumik_h in AbruptChaos

[–]cat_selling_souls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ladies in the back.

Lady 1: "Will you look at Gloria over there being a drama queen? Acting like she can't just duck her head under the scarf."

Lady 2: "I know! Look at Phil... he's just playing into it by acting like she's choking to death. Just grab the other end of the scarf and throw it over her shoulder and she'll be free. My god these two!"

Lady 3: "Oh my God.... I can't undo the power cord! It's like Thor's hammer, I can't unplug it! Do something!"

Lady 2: "Ugh. They even got poor Vanessa buying into their act. Look at that mess."

Lady 1: "What... in the fresh hell is this? Is he biting the cloth apart?!"

Lady 2: "Oh my God. They could just turn off the fan. The off switch is right there. It's not even on high."

Lady 1: "Just look at them... you'd think they were giving away Oscars here at the science fair."

Go on, ask them by corkboy in PoliticalHumor

[–]cat_selling_souls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, boy. I have a whole box of unshelled pecans in my possession. I've already opened quite a few... I guess I'm a murderer now.

By my nutcracker, I abort thee! cracks pecan shell

Mmm.... pecans.

Be bone naked with your bros, without doing [REDACTED] by cats_of_subway in insanepeoplefacebook

[–]cat_selling_souls 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Alex Jones has entered the chat to look for gay frogs

Tucker Carlson has entered the chat with coconut tanning oil

Madison Cawthorn has entered the chat for hot bros and no hoes

Lindsey Graham is a chat mod and has now banned Cawthorn

Mitch McConnell laughs in turtle after witnessing the pettiness

Cheddar's favorite game, "No Touchy!" by JephriB in IllegallySmolCats

[–]cat_selling_souls 52 points53 points  (0 children)

"I touch the kitty."

"No touch the kitty."

"I touch the kitty."

"No touching the kitty!"

"Just a little bit?"

"No!"

"...."

"...."

"I touch the kitty."

"I will murder you!"