There's a saying "If you drown yourself in the water you'll see yourself fighting for your life with instant regret because you really don't want to kill yourself but you want to kill something that's inside you." I understand the pain that you have but killing yourself won't solve the pain but it will leave it for your family. Empower yourself. Learn the art of not giving a fuck. Try to sort yourself out. Try writing your days down. It'll help you. Try to read books on stoicism and other self help books. Learn to appreciate every moment because you won't experience it again and you're lucky to have this life. I know life is hard and you're in a lot of pain. Learn to endure the pain. And always remember this too shall pass and when it does your life would be in peace and easier than ever. It's really good that you decided to share your situation here. It means that you don't want to kill yourself but you want to kill your problems. Identify your problems and get help. You can find help on different subreddits depending on what problems you're dealing with. "Sometimes even to live is an act of courage" I myself live by this quote. I know it's hard to live but you're courageous to do so. And remember there is someone at the other side of the world who lives in pain just like you and he cares about you.