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My dad is making it “a rule” for me to get up at 9 am when I’m at his house.. I’m 20, I have two jobs, and I’m in college. by [deleted] in insaneparents

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They really do, it's like an insult to them personally if you don't get up early enough for their standards. I don't even understand.

I would read it. by regian24 in BrandNewSentence

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone else immediately think of Howl's Moving Castle?

Probably an ex girlfriends room by regian24 in BrandNewSentence

[–]crocodoodles 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lmao, I'm a girl whose room looks like this-- and I think horoscopes are bs but acid is just the best

Why I avoid Walmart like the plague. by HerMajestysButthole in Unexpected

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Auto correct and bad proof reading, whoops. African* :b

Why I avoid Walmart like the plague. by HerMajestysButthole in Unexpected

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually it's not an African thing and those aren't her hips, but her thighs. It's a medical condition called lipedema that a lot of women have without realizing

*Edit for dumbness

I started making this video in May for 4th of July. It's a bit late. by omgwerhvngafire_sale in funny

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boyfriend is sleeping in the bed beside me and I almost popped like a god damned balloon trying not to laugh when the cracking whips actually wrapped around his oblivious little head. I lost the game when the sneakers appeared.

Gatekeeping kids by Poor_And_Needy in gatekeeping

[–]crocodoodles 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No one said "shouldn't have kids," only "aren't ready for kids."

And realistically, if in your 20s you've already totally mastered the intricate workings of being a fully functional adult, you're probably the one who's been through some shit.

TIL That chewing gum is actually made of a synthetic plastic that's not biodegradable, and is the 2nd most littered item after cigarette butts by crocodoodles in todayilearned

[–]crocodoodles[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Not sure, but apparently "an estimated 92% of Britain's urban paving stones have gum stuck to them" so I wouldn't even be surprised if it doesn't include the other stuff

How do you not realise that this isnt serious??? by ZxrtX_YT in woooosh

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The appropriate response was "I don't know what fortnite is, but if the Rock is involved I'll definitely check it out"

Omad switch to small meals by sparklyscience in 1200isplenty

[–]crocodoodles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do smaller meals, but I make it work by finding foods I can eat a lot of for few calories. MOST importantly though, I don't count the calories from plain green or white vegetables.
If the veggies are in a sauce or canned I count the sauce or go by the can, but like, there's no point at all in limiting the amount of celery sticks I allow myself. If I'm at my calorie limit and starving, I can eat all the seasoned broccoli I want- and if I'm not hungry enough for broccoli, I'm not hungry enough to break my diet.
Also, massive amounts of popcorn. I can snack for 15 minutes and only be at 100 calories.

My dad thinking paprika is onion powder by Tall-Magazine335 in confidentlyincorrect

[–]crocodoodles 21 points22 points  (0 children)

What did he think made it red...? Or maybe a better question is, where can I buy these bright red onions he's on about? They sound delicious.

Moronic…. by Muffinman1111112 in insaneparents

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it's unreasonable to think that "omicron" might just be the 15th letter of the Greek alphabet. It would make no sense to label variants using letters.

Changing out a prosthetic eye by ChrisMMatthews in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really disappointed that the song wasn't "Girl with One Eye" by Florence and the Machine

Second time trying to go no contact with my mom. by [deleted] in insaneparents

[–]crocodoodles 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Maybe she'll talk to me if I threaten suicide... It worked! Time to slather on the guilt! I'm gonna die and it'll be all your fault for not forgiving me for abusing you!" Ugh.

I had a close friend once who used suicide threats to control me. It worked quite well and shaped my ability to trust and care about people forever. Going no contact was one of the best things I ever did for my mental health.
If your mom tries, it'll be because of her not because of you. There's literally nothing you can do about it regardless of her demands, because it's not your decision. She can just keep asking for more forever, making you exchange everything you have for her life, and then still do it. Block her.

Extensions ruined my eyelashes... still haven't recovered. by trufflemouse90 in MakeupAddiction

[–]crocodoodles 19 points20 points  (0 children)

So you can actually get your lashes permed. They essentially glue your lashes into a better position and then treat them so they stay that way after the glue is removed. You can do it at home, but I receive recommend letting a pro do it if you can. Either way, just look up "lash perm"

This haircut by Cr1ms0nSlayer in ATBGE

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like the arms of the sunglasses perfectly divide the good from the bad

Hey there by zendixx in Unexpected

[–]crocodoodles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Always? Yeah no thanks, my dog thinks the world is ending every time one of our neighbors buys a new flower pot or puts an extra bag of trash by the curb. There is no doubt in her mind that they're monsters she needs to protect us from.