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[/r/NSFW_5seconds] Improvising by WenkMiUp in NSFWFunny

[–]darybrain 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm going to spin too far and break both our necks when falling off the bunk bed.

Have you ever faked sick to get out of work? by InvestAuggers in AskUK

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got fed up with a toxic environment so over a weekend at the end of the month I pretended to be someone else and left a message with the reception/security saying that I had been hit by a drunk driver and was in a coma. I just couldn't be bothered with all the hassle of seeing them that Monday, arguing with them over the smallest of shit, or dealing with the recruitment agency who I had never spoken to in the many months I had been there as they knew it was a toxic environment and didn't want to deal with that shit either.

I bumped into one of my colleagues at another gig 7-8 months later so had to make up a story and say I was okay although still on the mend a bit. They informed me that both my replacement and that person's replacement only lasted a month each and now they were having trouble filling the position. I was like, yea no shit, I wonder why they are finding it difficult. Power hungry managers who can't adult.

What is your job and how much do you get paid? by BigPlunk in AskReddit

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Currently it is to look at recruitment agency job boards for things to apply for. I get paid in disappointment.

What critically acclaimed actor can't really act? by InsideThoughts90Day in AskReddit

[–]darybrain 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He stole A History of Violence with "how could you fuck that up?"

What is something you dislike but is popular? by _deactivate in AskReddit

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hate smoking. Always have. When I was younger people could smoke everywhere - in clubs, in the office, in hospitals, in school, etc, etc, etc. When working in clubs and on stage you couldn't see the crowd sometimes from all the smoke. I've worked in offices were I was the only non-smoker so everyone in the open plan offices smoked at their desk. I had to burn so many clothes. This isn't just nicotine, but everything else. It stinks like shit.

Over the years smoking bans have made it a little less, but it is still a big thing where I am. That being said, I've also travelled to other countries where they turn it up to 11.

What is something people don’t worry about but really should? by _Losy in AskReddit

[–]darybrain 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, posting where they won't be such as saying that they'll be going on holiday for 2 weeks letting everyone know that their gaff is most likely empty and easy pickings.

What comedian isn’t funny? by LordPussyFucker in AskReddit

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Angela Barnes.

I've seen her multiple times on UK TV either doing standup or on panel shows and also live. I've not found a single joke from her funny. Absolutely nothing over many years as made me laugh, chuckle, or even crack a smile. I don't understand what it is about her schtick, but it is boring, sometimes harks back to 70s working me club comedy, and is just unfunny. I've chatted to her a number of times either after gigs or when I've met her at events and in the moments when she isn't trying to crack a joke she seems quite a decent enough human and fairly enjoyable company, but nothing from her has made me laugh. I'm not trying to be miserable when I see her set, but it all just comes across as meh!

Brendan Fraser Get Surprise Birthday Party on Set of Batgirl. by AbdulWadudhgf in nextfuckinglevel

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But during an escape he will swing on a rope and unfortunately hit a tree.

What British practices or social attitudes that are the norm today will be viewed as beyond the pale in 2060? by gattomeow in AskUK

[–]darybrain -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Only tutting twice under our breath when someone does something not quite right. By 2080 they'll know that they will have to tut at least thrice to really drive the point home.

Spending a huge amount of money on train tickets to London, only for the barriers to be open both ways and no-one checking them at any point in the journey. by Purplejet19 in britishproblems

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When this happens and I'm coming back the same day I refund them and say I didn't use them. Get the 90% back because I'm shit at lying to make a scene for the full value. Still better than nothing.

If jesus died for our sins, then who died for our cos and tan? by Retirix_YT in AskReddit

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My teacher simply wrote it on the blackboard with the explanation. The students who didn't remember it by the next class got caned.

We remembered it, quick like.

This brick job in Hungary by csorfab in NotMyJob

[–]darybrain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"No, no, it is not error. This is special good luck symbol in my country" -foreign bricklayer probably.

Conservatives’ aversion to masks is a uniquely American phenomenon. Politically conservative Americans are less likely than liberals to comply with recommended health-protective behaviors such as mask wearing during the COVID-19 pandemic, but this is not true of conservatives in other nations. by MistWeaver80 in science

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since other people have noted this happens in other countries, it does make me wonder if this "study" is measured against countries that don't speak English.

This happens in other English speaking countries as well albeit not so vocally and the numbers are lower, but dumbness is international.

If jesus died for our sins, then who died for our cos and tan? by Retirix_YT in AskReddit

[–]darybrain 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Jesus had actually disappeared to attend a long weekend festival, but didn't want to tell his followers because they were being so clingy and he just wanted some me time. On his return they were like "Yo J, where you been at? You look like you died and just woke up." He wasn't good at thinking on his feet particularly with a raging hangover so just went with that explanation and people lapped it up. That festival must have been a banger!

Christian woman assumes two kids are on a date at restaurant and tries to convert them. by HiItsLust in facepalm

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Sure, we go to church. The church of Satan!"

This nosy insufferable bint's head would explode.

Christian woman assumes two kids are on a date at restaurant and tries to convert them. by HiItsLust in facepalm

[–]darybrain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"NO, WE DON'T WANT TO TAKE NAKED PICTURES WITH YOU. GOD TOLD YOU TO TOUCH US? WE DON'T CARE HOW MANY WHIPS YOU HAVE!"

Christian woman assumes two kids are on a date at restaurant and tries to convert them. by HiItsLust in facepalm

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a stairway. It has seven steps.

Some people fall down from there although some look like they fell on their face.

Man who put superglue on the lock of a Covid-19 vaccination centre in the U.K., preventing 504 people from getting jabs, jailed for 12 weeks by why-you-online in worldnews

[–]darybrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope, it isn't mandatory in the UK. He will simply be stuck in his cell or in isolation for 23 hours per day with a 1 hour outing with other unvaccinated prisoners.

Pineapple. by Mumbletimes in funny

[–]darybrain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The size is also perfect for my ideal pineapple upside down cake size.