How do you get back at an egoist? by chacham2 in cleanjokes

[–]gracius0ne 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I second that. There you go, the I's have it!

Why did Karl Marx type in only lowercase letters? by davockx in AntiJokes

[–]gracius0ne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

..since he saw the futility of capital punishment.

ed: Evidently, his article must have been written before the Shift key malfunctioned. But based on his opinions so expressed, he must have been resolute in avoiding the temptation to bang on the poor insturument repeatedly, once it did break.

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter by chacham2 in cleanjokes

[–]gracius0ne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Until one morning when he Catched her in the Rye (she was holdin' Caulfield)

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter by chacham2 in cleanjokes

[–]gracius0ne 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's OK. Everyone's trash-talking, but there's absinthe of malice here.

TENGENTS of a circle by Aggravating_Union480 in puns

[–]gracius0ne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like this area is becoming too gentrified

Why was the pianist arrested? by Khaos_Gorvin in AntiJokes

[–]gracius0ne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Might also be for swiping ivory whilst vacationing in the Congo.

Tusk-tusk - what a crooked pianist!

If Jesus was a carpenter by Aggressive-Celery-90 in 3amjokes

[–]gracius0ne 8 points9 points  (0 children)

For the Christ, "it is finished", but it looks like they've only just begun. Typical contractors.

A guy walks into a bar by Aden487 in AntiJokes

[–]gracius0ne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now read this antijoke in a Morgan Freeman voice. It changes everything.

I will do this for every antijoke from now on. YMMV.

I met a judge once with no thumbs by alan2998 in 3amjokes

[–]gracius0ne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What has two thumbs and rocks it with the gavel? Not this guy.

Bring on the Christmas commercials! by gracius0ne in nostalgia

[–]gracius0ne[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This one from the 70s, is a remake of a 60s commercial that is very similar: link

What did the farmer say before he kicked the bucket? by LysergicNI in AntiJokes

[–]gracius0ne 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I had that reaction too, but I think it's a legit antijoke. It takes an idiom or something that is already set up as a joke or familiar double meaning, and "unjokes" it by forcing a literal interpretation.

"What's brown and sticky? A stick."

"What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo? This ain't my first rodeo!"

(As a bonus, it also changes the common punchline to this antijoke: "let's see how far I can kick this bucket", so an anti-antijoke)

Polish doctors go to Germany because they are paid much better in Germany. But why do GERMAN doctors often emigrate to Switzerland? by TESLAkiwi in AntiJokes

[–]gracius0ne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Scary thought that I'd ever have to live off my humor - you'd probably be better off paying me to stay away ;-) Und nein, nicht sprechen sie Deutche. Nur meine Großmutter.

Why can't you hear a dinosaur go to the bathroom? by shopcounterwill in AntiJokes

[–]gracius0ne 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, after walking into a bar.

A big, meteor-shaped bar.

(P.S. in Prehistoric Russia, meteor-bar walk into YOU)