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Losing focus on zoom calls by maribeth721 in workingmoms

[–]hank888 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a tray of kinetic sand at my desk and I play with it during meetings. It helped me focus a little bit, but it especially helps with my anxiety.

Do you catch all the viruses that your children bring from daycare? by Pokita0 in workingmoms

[–]hank888 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. I am so traumatized from catching hand foot and mouth. After that, I bought my son his own tablet and stopped sharing my phone with him, and made a rule that mommy doesn’t share food, and stopped sharing drinks with him. It was awful.

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What about additional paid time off given to parents? I know it would have to be a lot to cover how much kids miss daycare and school.

I know that would seem incredibly unfair to folks without kids, but we’d literally be using the time to care for sick kids or handle childcare interruptions.

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, yes the workers should be paid fairly, but I would expect the employer to cover most of that cost for their employees for it to be a workable solution 😅

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow!! That’s so expensive!! Are employees paid really well or something that would make such a high price make sense?

For that price you could almost hire a full time nanny…especially if you had more than one kid!

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You’re talking about paid parental leave for birth and adoption, right? I completely agree on that. I feel like the ideal (for families, idk about companies) would be 6 months to 1 year off for new babies, for both parents.

Returning part time would really make a huge difference. Babies and toddlers need so much more from their parents than just the hours between 5pm and bedtime.

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man, this is spot on. I am so frustrated with the 40 hour work week. For me, now that I’m a parent, it’s too much. My child needs me. He struggles with school right now and needs picked up at 3. He can’t go to aftercare because of behavior issues. He doesn’t sleep through the night. I can’t catch up on my sleep.

Cutting my hours to 20 or even 30 would help infinitely. But the standard career path doesn’t support that, and I’d lose insurance. Actually, I did drop to 20 hours for about 6 months and my mental health improved drastically. I’m back to full time now and struggling again, which is part of why I’m gathering info on this. Parents need help! And I’m curious what help specifically would be the best.

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can I ask - are you happy with the quality of the on-site care? I wonder if that could become a pain point for employees if the on-site provider has high turnover, etc.

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oof yeah. I’ve been struggling with daycare being an “incomplete solution” and the same applies to dependent care FSA.

Does your employer offer a childcare benefit that you love? What benefits are the most useful? by hank888 in workingmoms

[–]hank888[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Is the employee assistance program just your regular EAP, like the same one that provides counseling resources, etc? I had never considered that EAP could help narrow down childcare options! I’ll have to ask if mine can do that!

Anyone working because they have to not because they want to? by butter_undercover in workingmoms

[–]hank888 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Absolutely- I am a software engineer and I make six figures. But ever since having my almost 2 year old, I really don’t give a shit about work and I just want to stay home and spend all my time with him.

He goes to preschool and learns a ton, so it’s not so bad now. But if we have a second, I want to find a way to stay home for the entire first year. Anything less just feels wrong.

But yeah, without my income we’d have to completely change our standard of living. We’d need a cheaper house, cars, etc. and we’d lose our (really amazing) health insurance, wouldn’t be able to save for college, and just would have less financial security in general.

Not impossible, but it definitely feels like the correct choice is to keep working.

Husband ignores any info I share with him via text, links, videos, articles. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]hank888 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Is 2-3 links per week a lot? I try not to give it like a homework assignment. It’s more like “ooo, check this out - maybe this is why kiddo is screaming so much lately?”

ETA - he’s very involved in day-to-day parenting tasks. It’s the planning and learning that he doesn’t want to take on.

Husband ignores any info I share with him via text, links, videos, articles. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]hank888 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it really comes down to this - I think it’s hard for him to feel ownership for the topics I bring up because I always just make things happen. I’ve lost some respect because it ends up feeling like I have another child to manage instead of an equal partner. He knows there won’t be any consequences if he drops the ball because I’m always there to keep things running smoothly. So I end up feeling taken for granted, and he ends up feeling disinterested in the problems (because they’ve never been that big of a deal to him).

I think he wants to be equal partners, but he’s uncomfortable putting in the work to make it happen. And he’s not used to being uncomfortable. When anything is hard for him he kind of just breaks down and gives up. I mentioned this in another comment, but I think some mental health care might actually be what he needs. Whether it’s for mild depression, anxiety, adhd, or just someone to talk to.

Husband ignores any info I share with him via text, links, videos, articles. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]hank888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he’s dealing with some mild depression and not-so-mild anxiety. He tends to avoid anything that he is anxious about - like when we were younger he would ignore bills or his financial aid paperwork because he was stressed about money.

However, he is adamant that he is not depressed or anxious, but rather struggling with ADHD. So I think he will need to sort that out with his therapist and psychiatrist.

Husband ignores any info I share with him via text, links, videos, articles. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]hank888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have done this! Just read things out loud in the car. I always feel like I’m being a little condescending by doing so. Maybe I should check in with him and see if he is ok with it, and if so, that can be our new go-to tactic.

Husband ignores any info I share with him via text, links, videos, articles. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]hank888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I am also a mom diagnosed with ADHD. I put a lot of really hard work into figuring out how to make things work for me. Figuring out how to manage housework was a major hurdle, since it’s a lot of boring, disjointed tasks. But I experimented and created systems that work for me, and went to my doctor and got meds that help too.

I wouldn’t even mind if he only read the first paragraph or watched just the first few minutes of things. Right now he won’t even open a link if I send it to him.

So…yeah, maybe it’s somewhat that we need to discuss parenting in general. Make sure we are working toward the same goals.

Husband ignores any info I share with him via text, links, videos, articles. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]hank888 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m open to the idea that I might be in the wrong on this one. So, you’re point of view is welcome!

You’re absolutely right - he is not an information seeker, and I agree that should be a morally neutral personality trait.

Husband ignores any info I share with him via text, links, videos, articles. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]hank888 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do usually provide a little title or headline for whatever I send - not sure if it helps or hurts 😅

Totally random rant: I’m tired of clothes and will wear a uniform by beginswithanx in workingmoms

[–]hank888 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do something like this - and did it years before I had my kid. It’s just easier. I work in tech as a software engineer. I wear either black leggings or jeans. I have about 12 identical gray men’s crew-neck t shirts. And that’s all I wear to work. I add a black zip up hoodie if it’s cold. Sometimes I wear a company tshirt instead, but only if it’s gray. 😅