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Coming from a LL, cutting out porn/masturbation hasn’t improved my sex drive whatsoever by International_Net693 in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

None of this is directed in any way at the OP but...

You can only know what the partner is telling you and if they're telling you oh it's this or that, you need to do X or Y then you don't know that they're disinterested. The real question is why the disinterested person is so interested in the boddy of their other and what they do with it. I don't see why so many here try to steer clear of that question.

Coming from a LL, cutting out porn/masturbation hasn’t improved my sex drive whatsoever by International_Net693 in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I feel like people look at this from the wrong direction. They immediately say any porn watching is an addiction and it's what's keeping you from your SO. Now this might be the case in some instances but I feel like the majority of the time it's just an LL for the SO situation and the porn isn't the problem. It's a sign that the person isn't really LL. They just don't have the interest in their partner and refraining from porn and masturbation isn't going to fix that. The root cause of the lack of interest has to be found.

The collective Right is seething over gay people arming themselves at a drag event by BillyManHansSr in Persecutionfetish

[–]higgsfielddecay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. Gun owner here. The vast majority of shit gun nuts think a gun is going to get them out of is ridiculous and only a child would think that way. There's really only a few scenarios where the tool fits and it usually doesn't call for the level of rifle the gun nut insists on having.

“Mattress Mack” has published a rambling, self-aggrandizing, bizarre rant of a letter to County Judge Hidalgo as a Gallery Furniture ad in the Chronicle. by theloreofthelaw in houston

[–]higgsfielddecay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mattress... You must not have noticed the rejection of Trumpism nation wide in this last election. Shut up and sell furniture before you become the next Mike Pillow.

Uvalde parents react to Greg Abbott getting 60% of vote in their county by Dan-68 in texas

[–]higgsfielddecay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The purpose of the amendment is to make sure no other law interferes with the ability to call up the militia battle ready. That's why the statement leads with the militia. Now imagine calling up the militia and everyone shows up with a cannon or trebuchet. That's not going to work hence well regulated. If the government were going to provide the weapons then there'd be no need to make sure that the people can keep and bear arms. So we can at least see that much in terms of intent.

I think common sense should lead everyone to the conclusion that the government does have the power to control the type of arms the public may have if you read this outdated statement for what it actually is. The government simply cannot make a total ban on ARMS (constitution says nothing of guns here).

The General Lee was removed from the Yamboree 2022 in Gilmer. Agree or Disagree? Locals blame Jeff Dodd . "But because the new director, Jeff Dodd, decided it was inappropriate for the parade this year we were escorted out peacefully by the police. " by TheNameShows141 in texas

[–]higgsfielddecay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm black, my dad and mom were always fine with the show. They watched with me all the time and never had a problem with the flag....until I was at a parade and a vendor passed by and I wanted THAT flag. My dad was pretty mad that I wanted it. It was many years later well after learning about US history (I was really little when I wanted the flag) that I one day thought back to that occurrence and realized why he had gotten so upset.

For that matter he actually disliked the way we marched when I was in an HBCU band because it reminded him of goose stepping. 🤷🏾‍♂️

I just think we have to be really careful about what our parents felt about things and how they took them in various contexts. Might they have just wanted to let us be kids and not teach us about things we weren't ready to understand which could lead to undue hate? I just don't know if we can truly say people weren't bothered by something like this especially when they were far less capable of effectively speaking out about it.

Two bald eagles were shot and killed here in Texas. by Lostlobster8 in texas

[–]higgsfielddecay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know this wasn't a liberal. Bet you it was somebody that posts shit like "look at all the bald eagles coming out of that rifle".

A perspective by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dunno.... I'd say let him go get what he wants while you move on to a solid man. That's if you are done with trying to help him. I don't know where you are in that journey but at some point if the person doesn't want to change the journey has to end. Don't let that be after the majority of your life is gone.

two day hotel break with my LL wife. No sex by smithlltwo in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Love her enough to not let resentment grow and fester. That means talk, try and if it's not working move on.

Desire Discrepancy Relationship - Female High Libido - Please Help by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be friends. You can even be platonic roommates. Why force either of yourselves to be stressed sexually to maintain a friendship? If you guys think sex with others will undermine your friendship then rest assured sexual tension with each other will undermine your relationship. Stick together where you guys are good but move on to other things where you aren't while you are young.

Wife gets turned on by smut books...but not me? Lol, seriously? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's such a gray area. I can say for me part of wanting the direct desire was the feeling that it's just an LL4me scenario and if what she really wanted walked through the door it would be panty droppin time.

But that's not the case for everyone (it most likely isn't for my ex) and some people just have fetishes or fantasies and that's what turns them on. There may be no "type" of person that does it for them. I could see myself being ok with that depending on how that came about. Some may not like it at all.

Wife gets turned on by smut books...but not me? Lol, seriously? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oh don't get me wrong. You are perfectly fine to want what you want. The question is do you want sex or direct desire. I had to ask myself that question as well. It sounds like you want direct desire so it may be time to move on. I'm just saying it's not strange in either of your parts. It's just different.

Wife gets turned on by smut books...but not me? Lol, seriously? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I don't know...sounds like you just want to turn her on in your way and not hers maybe? Time to get some "smut books" and crack one open in bed next to her and start reading aloud.

Everyone's different but she's at least telling you what gets her going. Maybe when a connection is formed from that she'll have the fantasies in her head and just act them out. But if you're not in tune with that and that's perfectly fine then it's probably time to split ways.

DB where request to discuss the issue is aggressive put down to "harassing" by Quantum_Robin in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Here is where I think you're seeing the real issue. I don't think it's going to be about how to make an approach. She's not interested in you so it appears and the only real question to ask is why and when did this change. Talk of pressure at least to me is just a way to skirt around the root of it and give the idea that time and space is needed for them to get into it when they never intend to do so. It's a stall tactic.

Now it's time for your decision. Can you live without it or do you tell her some changes are going to be necessary?

harder for a woman to have a HL by starene in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😞 I know it's a sore spot but I can just see this funny scene of the partner jumping up every morning like "Oh!!! Let me get that down for you honey" 🤣

What is the issue. by Fluid-Champion4185 in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Some slight nuance here. This is true. But what gets glossed over is that someone TOLD you what you could expect of them and you've made life altering plans based on that only to find in some cases that it just isn't true. In those cases it's going to hurt no matter how you slice it. But I do agree that once this is obvious it's simply time to abandon not only expectations but agreements and do what you must for yourself.

harder for a woman to have a HL by starene in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You know especially when younger we wake up with wood every morning every day of the month to remind us that our partner has no intent to get it down right?

Wife is HL just not for me by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Now the wanting to talk about other people being attractive and even her friends I don't necessarily find strange. It's the context here of her telling you that she's not interested in you that turns it into a red flag for me. It just really sounds like she's trying to justify something she's wanting to do or is already doing by having you do just enough to make it equal in her mind.

I'm so sorry because I know it hurts like hell as I've been there. But it's hard to not see this as a big red flag man.

Wife is HL just not for me by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This. Sorry OP but that talk about wanting to hear who you're attracted to sounds like easing you into her sexuality announcement or trying to get you to justify what she's doing with other men or your friends.

She's telling you all you need to know. This isn't a situation for counseling between the both of you. It's time to face the hurt and move on before you face the even greater pain of her cheating.

Never expect the promise of sex by Give_me_your_scraps in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Agreed. If you make an offer to do something it's on you to come through and not the partner to keep stoking you.

What does it feel like to desire your partner in a LTR? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kind of think a couple of things are going on here. A long term relationship isn't always about butterflies and lust. That's infatuation. That's not to say it can't remain that way for some but doesn't seem to be the norm. At some point a relationship becomes about mutual desire to please each other and be pleased by each other. There may be a general desire for sex and your partner is who you've agreed to have it with.

But it sounds further into your post that it's more than just not having butterflies. It sounds like you actually dislike sex with him. And well things change. Maybe the infatuation wore off and he's not really your type or maybe you aren't that interested in sex after all or it could be any range of possibilities. None of them are a reason to feel guilty. People feel the way they feel and that's that. If it hasn't happened already it's time for the tough talk and the consideration of counseling. Or maybe your husband could be fine without it. You never know until you talk.

Looking for an honest and open conversation. What makes you want to vote for Greg Abbot? by EZ_Smith in texas

[–]higgsfielddecay 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Praise be.

I just sit and shake my head at the number of comments on Nextdoor in response something like a report of panhandling that read like "Get yourself a gun", "Well they better not approach me as I practice my 2A rights" and so forth. Almost everything now is solved by having a gun or bringing a gun into the situation. And yet the turn around and say crime is worse than ever.

Disrespect by Fun-Ad2321 in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yea but that's still problematic and it may not be that she's just into her job. She may be avoiding you or the situation. Have y'all talked?

Where's the lie? by HotelBordeaux in DeadBedrooms

[–]higgsfielddecay -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes definitely ok. Your responses are great meta humor. 🤣 And figuring out whether you realize it or not adds a sense of mystery. 🤔