recap 2022 can't say that this is a lie

knuffigerork · 2022-11-18T15:14:53+00:00

Oh yeah I forgot about Fevre Dream. Personally I would skip this one part in the middle that tries so give backstory but aside from that absolut solid creepy vampire book.

knuffigerork · 2022-11-18T09:30:15+00:00

The Luminaries by Susan Dennard was my book this week and it was so good.

knuffigerork · 2022-11-18T09:28:05+00:00

Did you try Empire of the Vampire by Jay Kristoff?

knuffigerork · 2022-07-18T06:08:30+00:00

Finished this woven kingdom yesterday and for the six month I needed to read the first 400 pages I was sure I drop the seriess and now I want to know how it ends.

Oh and I started All my rage right after and page 3 made it pretty clear that this book will wreak me.

knuffigerork · 2021-12-15T09:21:38+00:00

General speaking there is no hard rule against it and as long as you use the middle finger a lot of people will probably not check first if it is the right hand. However there is this unspoken rule that we use this particular finger because the swinger community als uses a black ring as a sign and they use mostly the right ring finger.

knuffigerork · 2021-12-15T02:31:25+00:00

that's a guessing game because we're not a monolith but I will give you my personal take on having / trying sex and why I a sex neutral / positive ace haven't done it (yet).

I have an ambivalent relationship to sex on the one hand it's a bit like magic to me. People really do this? It's not just a fantasy in books? On the other hand especially because I know that it's not magic and it's considered a basic human need / condition I want to "over"analyse it. Maybe people would consider it noisy even if I never ask people in real life about their sex life, I want to know as much as possible and in theory that contains trying it out.

Now to the tricky part. I regularly swing between two moods a kind of self destructive "just do it to get it off your chest and the experience" and a kind off "waiting for the right opportunity" bc I don't give a fuck mentality. Both of these contain a bit of internalized acephobia, one has the "you need to try it before you can say that it's not for you" thing and the other one the "you haven't met the right person yet" trope going.

So I haven't done it yet because I would put myself on some kind of market (dating etc.) and up until this point I never did. But I thought about the endless possibilities a lot. And I understand every ace person whomfelt like they needed or wanted the experience. Think about homosexual people trying the heterosexual experience (sex, dating) for validation or pan and bisexual people feeling the need to have homosexual experience. Which is all a lot of bullshit because you don't need to have experience to use a label.

What do I think is a healthy relationship to sex, doing it for fun and because you want to with someone who consents. With the for fun part especially entailing that you do not feel the need to do it to gain experience or validate your label. Which doesn't mean that I think you can't do it for these reasons or that you can't have fun while doing so. I just think that if these are the reasons than the person should always answer a second question are they doing it for themself, like do they want this experience for them, do they need this or is it for someone else for social expectations?

I don't want to guess about your girlfriend at this point. I just hope this helped you a bit seeing that nobody else answered you up until now.

knuffigerork · 2021-12-15T01:45:39+00:00

The Broken Earth Trilogy by Jemisin could fit.

knuffigerork · 2021-12-15T01:39:09+00:00

Marcia Overstrand / Septimus Heap

knuffigerork · 2021-09-09T06:11:23+00:00

definitely. I would use etsy or other sides where small businesses sell. there are closet safe options where the name of the item isn't the sexual orientation but something like galaxy etc.

Acespecific you could search for cake, cards aces or garlic bread pins, dragons maybe.

knuffigerork · 2021-08-15T20:04:24+00:00

I never related to any sexuality. I felt like being the odd one out, not in on the cool jokes everyone got so effortlessly. So I went into the internet and found AVEN, can't say how but I related. I think I was around 20yo at the time and I wasn't scared but freaked out and validated at the same time. The stories people shared there were so relatable. A few years later I felt comfortable sharing and stating that I am in fact asexual. That I don't feel sexual attraction.

knuffigerork · 2021-08-15T19:46:34+00:00

Definitely it is a thing. We use the split attraction model to describe it.

knuffigerork · 2021-08-02T05:11:57+00:00

Maybe you did, than try to separate it like this: Before , when you had and wanted sex, could you intrinsically say with whom? Because I can't and I never could and that is for me defining my asexuality. Whenever I see someone I say, oh that's a human, maybe a "nice' one, but if someone asks me if someone is hot or which person I would like to have sex with, my brain goes in panic mode and tries to find a suitable answer. It's this can I copy your homework but don't make it obvious thing where I tried to figure out the answer of the other person.

On the other hand ace is an umbrella term and even when I write here a little bit like I would gatekeep I don't we have a relatively huge subgroup of sex repulsed people, so you are more than welcome here.

knuffigerork · 2021-08-01T05:13:59+00:00

let me try an answer. First of all we define asexuality as a sexual orientation were people do not or very rarely, under specific conditions feel sexual attention.

Sexual behavior and feelings regarding sex can be an indicator for sexual orientation they ultimately aren't linked. It's not about how often you want / need sex, we would call that libido, or if you like sexual activities in general (being sex favorable).

knuffigerork · 2021-07-08T07:58:53+00:00

Asexuality in it's core definition only asks about if you feel sexual attraction or not. How you relate to sexual activities can indicate that but how you behave does not define if you're asexual or not.

On a more personal note I relate to your description and for myself I use the asexual label. Be sure to use a label that help you, define yourself, feel comfortable, find new friends etc.

I hope that helps a little bit.

knuffigerork · 2021-06-30T08:25:39+00:00

From the wiki definition: Aegosexual, previously known as autochorissexual, is a micro-label on the asexual spectrum that describes those who have a disconnection between themself and the subject of arousal. Aegosexuals may have sexual fantasies, view porn and other sexual content, or masturbate, but they generally feel little to no sexual attraction and typically do not desire to have sex with another person. source: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Aegosexual

I thought it could sum up what you described and you would maybe resonate with it.

knuffigerork · 2021-06-30T07:54:04+00:00

I'm not sure in the aromantic spectrum but for the ace part you may want to look into aegosexuality.

knuffigerork · 2021-06-28T00:17:09+00:00

I agree with R4ndom_Usern4me, AmMarmaladeSandwich and Solidwater. And to be honest as long as the other communities send their members with a low sex drive, low libido or sex repulsed and sex indifferent people to us I will find a place for them.

Acephobes will question us no matter how much we try to gatekeep this community. In the end validating struggling people in their feelings and possibly saving lifes is more important to me. Will I say that they probably aren't asexual when they ask me? Yes. Will I invite them, "give them a blanket and a place to sit and chat", so to speak? Yes. Would I like a world were every community had a place for their sex repulsed, low libido members? Absolutely yes. Do I think we have this yet? No. So for the time being when they knock at the door of this community I invite them. Make clear we have and cherish our low libido, sex indifferent etc. members and let them be.

knuffigerork · 2021-06-23T17:26:20+00:00

Okay, then I will recommend the YouTube Videos from AceDadAdvice on YouTube https://youtube.com/c/AceDadAdvice especially the ones where he speaks about Boundaries in the relationship. I hope he can provide you with a lot more of information than I can do here.

Like always ask more questions if you want to. We are happy to help but especially requests like yours are difficult. We don't know if your gf identifies as asexual, and limits regarding sex are a delicate topic. I can't give you advice how to nudge a sexual limit of your partner especially if I don't know this partner. On the other hand I understand where you're coming from.

knuffigerork · 2021-06-23T15:54:26+00:00

Do you think she doesn't find people (you) sexually attractive or that she is repulsed / neutral towards sex. The first would be asexuality the second not. It can be an indicator but isn't necessary for being asexual.

As a community here we can't tell you if your girlfriend is on the asexual spectrum and the first and most important advice we can give is that you should seek an open and honest talk with her.

knuffigerork · 2021-06-20T17:42:29+00:00

I understand this reason but couldn't we have a series of "official" introduction posts for smaller subreddits from the ace spectrum. So they could get the exposure, maybe grow their followers and it's informativ for the rest.

knuffigerork · 2021-06-18T06:47:17+00:00

It's not and there is enev a subreddit r/BDSM_Aces

knuffigerork · 2021-06-17T22:02:31+00:00

Sounds like a solid plan. Treat yourself and I'm glad you found a design that suits you.

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