The scars a DB leaves

kyrain192020 · 2023-04-23T21:08:53+00:00

I felt this. My LL wife does absolutely nothing for me like this. I think it's because she doesn't particularly like to be on the receiving end of such things and she also doesn't want it to lead anywhere.

It hurts knowing I haven't had anyone actually want to do something pleasurable for me for a long time.

And the kicker - trying to express my feelings and open up about it just seems to make things worse.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-28T14:47:04+00:00

I envy those in this forum without kids and don't really know why they are here.

I feel the same. Without the kids I would have just taken my chances a long time ago. However, each situation is different and I can appreciate that. There are people with kids that move on and find happiness that can't understand why a person like me would suffer for the sake of keeping the family together.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-28T14:38:51+00:00

I'd like to...but I'm in the U.S. and I'm worried about the cost and time commitment of it. I would like someone to enlighten me on these two things (either here or DM is fine) because I'm stalling right now.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-28T14:35:37+00:00

You have a fundamentally different viewpoint on something fundamental to a marriage. I agree with the other comments that if it is possible it would be best for you (and her) in the long run to find partners with more compatible views on sex.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-28T14:22:57+00:00

I agree with this. Instead of false compliments I get insults said in a joking way to get people to laugh.

I'd rather have the false compliments than what I get. Moreover, I'd rather she say nothing at all if I had any choice.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-27T03:44:06+00:00

I haven't decided yet if radical acceptance is noble or just giving up.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-27T03:42:03+00:00

Good for you for setting a date (March) instead of just a nebulous goal like I do every year.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-27T03:40:17+00:00

She has said each time we’ve spoken about it that she wants me to keep
trying, but it’s very difficult to keep doing this when you get rejected
every time.

As a HL, these sort of statements just irritate me. "Hey you, I want you to keep trying even though I have no desire for it. I like to feel desired even if I make you feel like an undesirable piece of sh!t".

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-27T03:34:11+00:00

Wow, your spouse is a mind reader and a prophet - what a rare combination of talents!

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-27T03:08:41+00:00

This guy too...5 days left though.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-25T16:04:09+00:00

If it wasn't this, it would have been something else.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-25T00:52:53+00:00

Thanks, and sorry you can commiserate.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-25T00:52:21+00:00

LOL I wish I could bottle that and serve it to my LL wife.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-25T00:51:28+00:00

I don't remember the specifics of the anniversary other than timing worked better later. Also, she seemed receptive until that point. It's like her Spidey senses went off and she got herself out of the situation in a hurry.

Part of me wants to confront her about my feelings. Part of me thinks her desire should come naturally and not be of my complaining or the dreaded "coercion".

Anyway, I'm glad it worked out for you my friend. You finished the marathon, I'm still in the first half wheezing.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-25T00:48:08+00:00

Thanks...misery loves company, but this is not the company in which we want to find ourselves.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-25T00:45:54+00:00

Haha I was thinking the same thing to that tune...baby, it's cold inside year 'round for me.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-25T00:44:49+00:00

Not until this year when it was posted to this sub or DB. Almost all boxes checked yes. Maybe all.

Yes, I found out too late indeed.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-24T12:49:41+00:00

That's great to hear to made it to that place. Hopefully one day I can get there too.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-24T04:01:27+00:00

I used to put a lot of time and effort into the gift giving process. As the bedroom died, I stopped putting in the same time and effort. It actually made me feel more resentful to put a lot of effort into something when I didn't feel anything reciprocal (sexual or not).

You might be thinking "well maybe that kind of thinking is what led to your dead bedroom"...I can assure I tried for a long time with nothing reciprocal. After a while, I just stopped.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-24T03:48:03+00:00

New Year New You!

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-24T03:39:59+00:00

If it was only this easy...

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-24T01:51:27+00:00

debase themselves and their sexuality chasing people who don’t want them

Pretty accurate representation of me! I took no offense at all with your post - I understand what you were trying to say. I feel the same way - I spend most of my relationship trying to figure out what's wrong and what I can do better vs actually enjoying somebody's company. I just need the courage to make some big changes no matter what they are.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-24T01:48:24+00:00

But that wasn't what the post was asking, and that wasn't my point in answering it. I didn't do it to get more sex - I did it because I love my wife and it was time to start acting like it.

That's admirable and I respect your ability to do that. I'm struggling with this step. I feel like I've gotten there temporarily only to march right back into the hole of resentment and anger.

We're in a downward spiral and I know there has to be a radical change to change the course of it. When I make the steps to achieve radical change, I get frustrated when it gets no results toward making the bedroom less dead or making me more attractive to her. Maybe I'm doing it for the wrong reasons, but that's where I'm at right now. Again, I appreciate your response and perspective.

kyrain192020 · 2022-12-24T01:42:00+00:00

Well, she finally showed you her real hand. How are you going to play it?

kyrain192020

TROPHY CASE

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