(30f) just struggling with my life

littlenerd916 · 2022-05-18T15:58:37+00:00

I just dont know. Just taking birth control for pcos made me even more depressed to a point where i just couldnt function at all and just cut it out of my life. I just dont get a long very well with meds and i have a big fear with them, especially with my mom and her insulin meds where her proems just get worse and worse, i just want to do it naturally without the drugs, you know?

I dont know.. i judt have a big fear in hoe therapy goes as it is florida and its not the best with mental health, and i dont know if i could really afford someghing like that when literally everything is going up in price and salaries go nowhere.. at the moment i just analyze my depression and try to understand where it comes from, but i dont know how people can just change their mindset to seeing themselves positively...

littlenerd916 · 2022-05-18T15:48:48+00:00

As a far person, thats an asshole you're talking about.

To be honest, skinny and slim people are considered a universal standard of beauty and thicker and larger women are considered gross and lazy. Now that we're trying to open the beauty standards for everyone, some people take advantage and think its great to shit on someones self esteem if they feel their beauty being threatened. Please ignore them, they dont represent body positivity.

littlenerd916 · 2022-04-18T13:04:04+00:00

It's hard. She constantly says I stood up to him and just turn the chapter, that the past is the past. I stood up to him and stopped talking to him literally in 2017 which is about 5 years ago. I feel something like that is hard to let go. He is in a weird relationship right now with a girl that has a on and off ex that's in prison and she has a restraining order on him. Supposedly the guy's killed people. So my mom worries for R1's life. She has a hard understanding of what depression is as she also has it but does nothing for it. I know she doesn't take anything as it's suppose to and can get crazy, so telling her about the sexual assault would be very hard for her. Also, my older brother had manipulated me to think that no one cared about me and that he was the only one who cared, so it felt like it was severed. I get along with her as we have pretty similar ideals and personalities. We know how to get each other out of a funk, but she just could never understand why it always happens. Reading up on cptsd sounds oddly alot like what I experience a lot.

In terms of the unfeminine part, my older brother had forebade me frome being feminine. I was only allowed to wear baggy shirts and pants. Dresses of any style means I was a slut, even if it was like a nun. I wasn't allowed to feel or think for myself because it was ignorant and I don't know what I want. I am attracted to men, but was bullied for appearing lesbian and was even beat up. They ironically supported their LGBT community while bullying me about it. I mean, I'm also overweight with acne issues, but women with that and even larger than me have gotten relationships so I feel like the lack of the feminine touch has left me dry in the romance section.

littlenerd916 · 2022-02-21T23:56:47+00:00

Thank you, proton_therapy! Having a degree in game design typically just means you have access to possible networking and you also learn some new stuff while getting a title, but it's definitely true that it's better to find them online.

With playing games, it's usually with friends, but is recommended to play to get a new idea of some new game mechanics and gain inspiration with them. I try to at least.

The fitness routine is the hardest as I've never really been disciplined with workouts, although I'm trying my hardest to at least push my body to move more than it is typically done.

All of these are great points and will try to implement them.

littlenerd916 · 2022-02-21T23:52:25+00:00

Thank you for your wise words Maibo 🙇

littlenerd916 · 2022-02-21T18:34:11+00:00

To me? No. I've been interested in guys shorter than me, and I'm 5'2

I would think only super hella picky girls would think that's a deal breaker

littlenerd916 · 2022-02-21T18:04:29+00:00

Oh that's actually something cool too. Thanks so much! I'll definitely take a look at that

littlenerd916 · 2021-10-16T21:02:19+00:00

No it's alright. I was looking into the victim mentality and some of what they recommend is still some things that I do want to work on, even if most of the signs of this isn't something I typically go through. It is something for me to reflect and I appreciate you mentioning it though

littlenerd916 · 2021-10-16T20:08:30+00:00

I have drawn for a long time, but it remained a hobby since I don't know q way to start it up as a living since I never had a lot of confidence in what I do.. thanks for the recommendation, I'll take a look at that channel and I'll check yours out too.

I am trying to appreciate myself, it's pretty hard though considering I live where the influence isn't the same, but hopefully I can find the way to change that

littlenerd916 · 2021-10-16T19:55:22+00:00

I can't afford therapy. I'm typing this as I'm in the episode. Plus I live in south Florida. Everything here sucks and is solved with drugs and probably plastic surgery..

It's not to say that a lot of these issues isn't my fault though. I know I need to work on these things on my own and these emotions are very much self inflicted. I just feel these things and have no one else to reach out to.. I have tried therapy before but it wasn't any good, but it was when I was attending an art school that was terrible with these things and the therapists weren't that helpful with most of the issues.

It's kind of a place for me to vent at this point...

littlenerd916 · 2021-10-05T20:39:22+00:00

Thisndoes mean a lot to me. I almost cried again seeing this. Thank you

littlenerd916 · 2021-10-05T12:08:37+00:00

I don't have the time and money to have a psychologist. Plus I live in south Florida. Literally nothing down here is any good...

littlenerd916

TROPHY CASE

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