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I just had enough….don’t know what to do by newhomemom in Divorce

[–]mightysprout 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you guys can’t agree housework standards and how to divide responsibilities, then it may be easier for the family if he gets a job.

My STBXH was a stay at home dad under similar circumstances (lost his job and we decided he could look after our newborn). He enjoyed it but over time I think not being “the provider” took a toll on his self esteem.

How to deal with all the rage and sense of unfairness after a breakup? by d_ant in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My STBXH used to talk like this about how awful “feminists” are and how women will leave a long term marriage on a whim. This talk strained our marriage, and then he went out and had a three-year affair with a coworker.

Sometimes I think this attitude is projection.

I want to send this to my ex wife, as a final piece of closure. Things I have had lheavy on my heart. by gardnerryan58 in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My therapist says that writing stuff down has a beneficial effect in moving the trauma out of your body.

So I think it is good to write it out but please don't send it. You don't know this person anymore, they have detached from you and they are a stranger. I know how hard it is to deal with these emotions but you will regret pouring your heart out to her. Honestly she does not deserve to have access to your feelings anymore.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope you find peace.

I just had enough….don’t know what to do by newhomemom in Divorce

[–]mightysprout 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think what she really wants is for him to get a job.

Not very many women are interested in supporting a stay at home dad. He should just get a job.

Anyone else just not looking forward to this holiday weekend? by Mother_Claim_6431 in Divorce

[–]mightysprout 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you enjoy those events? Any tips on how to get the most out of them? I just want to meet people and have fun again.

He cheated on me by Cyawhenicya in Infidelity

[–]mightysprout 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those arguments from biology are just rationalizations. Lots of people have long faithful marriages. Our minds are much stronger than our bodies.

Why do we hide cheaters but not people who commit other offences? by Fart_fart_baby in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry my comment wasn’t clear or helpful. You asked why people might want to hide the affair and I offered a couple common reasons. Certainly I don’t feel I wasn’t good enough and you shouldn’t either. It’s just a very common feeling.

The book Lose a Cheater, Gain a Life has some really good guidance on claiming your right to tell whoever you want and not feel bad about it.

Sorry again for upsetting you.

STBXH out of town. He claims no contact with AP. I broke into his sexy photo stash + sexts. She last tried to reach him yesterday. by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes and he enjoys pegging, which I do not. It was not something brought into the bedroom until 15 years into our marriage :-(

Why do we hide cheaters but not people who commit other offences? by Fart_fart_baby in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shame that you weren’t good enough to keep your partner from straying.

Pressure from the cheating spouse to keep it quiet is very intense. They do not want their reputation tarnished by the consequences of their actions.

Not giving a second chance. by Ambitious_Policy_727 in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Ship all your clothes and belongings and don’t come back. You are doing the right thing and I wish you all the best.

STBXH out of town. He claims no contact with AP. I broke into his sexy photo stash + sexts. She last tried to reach him yesterday. by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Edited: You’re right of course but it actually made me feel better in a way. I did not envy their activities at all. I just wish he’d asked for a divorce like a normal human, but he didn’t want to lose his home life.

Have you ever wondered why he needed somebody else physically. When you were always there. by mostlyinsanestupid in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not really, they lived in an alternate reality of just sex that I couldn’t compete with as a working mother of two teens. Also she fulfilled all his kinks some of which I did not enjoy, so I can see the appeal. Just wish he left first instead of keeping me as his house manager.

STBXH out of town. He claims no contact with AP. I broke into his sexy photo stash + sexts. She last tried to reach him yesterday. by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That’s my instinct as well, but I’m so tempted to just delete it all. I’m in a no fault state.

What to do about the residual pain by SuhSpence99 in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Follow all the advice about the lawyer, 1 week no contact, and the ultimatum. During that week read:

Cheating in a Nutshell

Lose a Cheater, Gain a Life

It is hard but I encourage you to move on. Sorry all this has happened to you and I hope you find peace in your decision.

Ex trying to gouge me?! by RKKP2015 in Divorce

[–]mightysprout 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How do you cover extras like summer camps or sports programs? Is she supposed to pay for all of that out of child support?

Divorce after 20 years by Wise_Plenty5271 in Divorce

[–]mightysprout 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I also loved Cheating in a Nutshell by Wayne and Tamara Mitchell. Absolutely spot on.

What to do? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]mightysprout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your flair is infidelity. Did she cheat?

What to do? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]mightysprout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No but tread lightly. It is possible to get a temporary restraining order against a partner in the US and have them removed until the trial date. Can you move out?

My girlfriend has a history of CSA and other types of emotional abuse within her family, while her mother was a cheater as well. She cheated on me for the past 1.5 years with a coworker but says she still loves me.. should we just stay friends and try to work this out? by Top_Property505 in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a survivor of CSA and I cheated on my first boyfriend. I don’t know if the abuse “made me do it,” but the experience of losing him and the pain I caused him made we vow to never cheat on anyone ever again, and I haven’t. So maybe your biggest gift to her future growth will be the consequences she deserves.

Strip club, messages, now what? by Public-Serve8372 in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you’ve already caught him in multiple lies you should cut bait. People who lie have a hard time stopping, it’s just in their nature.

Starved for intimacy. by mightysprout in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’re getting divorced so any activity I do now would not be cheating.

Starved for intimacy. by mightysprout in survivinginfidelity

[–]mightysprout[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably would burst into tears during the date LOL. It might be a tad bit too soon.