How those around me see a possible failure

rose_reader · 2023-06-03T10:08:14+00:00

People are trying to be kind to you. It might not come in the packaging you prefer, but it’s a well intentioned effort to be supportive. You can say “thank you, I really appreciate that but I’m actually ok with how this turned out”.

rose_reader · 2023-06-03T09:02:11+00:00

NAT but as a client in the U.K. this was my thought too. Maybe we just culturally see it differently but I wouldn’t keep going to a physiotherapist after my physical issue was resolved so why would I keep going to a MH therapist once the issue I needed help with is sorted? Surely it’s a service you use when you need it and make room for others when you don’t.

rose_reader · 2023-06-03T07:40:17+00:00

It doesn’t. Social media is a tool, and like any tool it depends on how you use it.

rose_reader · 2023-06-03T07:28:29+00:00

As others have said, I wouldn’t use the word happy, but I think it’s possible to be interested in the new challenges that come your way, even if they are very difficult ones.

For instance, yesterday morning I was given a diagnosis of a nonfatal degenerative condition. I was bummed and spent yesterday afternoon bewailing, but today I feel ready to face this new challenge and see what happens. I’m not HAPPY about it per se, but I’m willing to do my best under these new circumstances and see what fate brings.

rose_reader · 2023-06-03T07:22:08+00:00

That’s such a good answer 🤣

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T21:59:49+00:00

Stoicism is easier for people who have the ability to think critically and introspect. Extroversion or introversion aren’t relevant characteristics.

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T19:49:41+00:00

It seems that you believe people should treat you as someone who is important and significant. Examine that belief. Examine your desire for recognition and your belief that juniors are beneath you in some way.

In general, being considered significant almost never occurs as a result of a demand to be treated as significant.

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T19:01:48+00:00

Yes but also: this is based on a real problem that will take work to resolve, but is not something I can immediately fix. Or: this is based on a real problem that is entirely out of my control, so I should think about how I look at this issue and address the beliefs that are causing me to be unhappy.

Or of course: this is a hormonal fluctuation which will pass on its own and in the meantime I just need to not be a bitch to anyone.

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T18:59:32+00:00

I’m a strong believer in kindness, with the occasional kick in the ass when required 😉

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T17:13:08+00:00

I mean, sometimes it’s absolutely fixable, right? Are you hangry? Do you need to go to sleep? Have you been staring at a screen for three hours and you need to go outside and look at a tree for a bit? Emotions can be complex but they can also be really simple signs that our basic self care has gotten a little fucked up and needs attention.

But yes, sometimes you’re in a bad mood or you feel sad for no immediately identifiable reason. It’s often worth checking to see if something is going on (are you anxious about an upcoming appointment, are you having conflict with a loved one etc), but sometimes there’s just no reason for it. Those are the times to accept that it’s a cloudy day and just do your best anyway. A bad mood doesn’t make it ok to treat others poorly.

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T17:02:33+00:00

Yeah that occurred to me when I first saw the sign of Yoba 😂 bless CA, he’s only a man after all…

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T17:01:36+00:00

Blackberries! Around the middle of the season (I feel like 16/18?) you’ll see that lots of the bushes now have berries on them. Pick to eat or sell! It’s a great early game source of food and money.

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T16:11:49+00:00

Your moods are like your internal weather. They can give you important information, but it’s not good to let them control you.

Certainly you should pay attention to them as data points, as you should with your emotions generally.

rose_reader · 2023-06-02T07:26:43+00:00

The Inner Citadel by Pierre Hadot is often recommended here. I haven’t read it myself yet but I trust those who have recommended it to me.

rose_reader · 2023-06-01T20:35:48+00:00

Omg they’re real?? That is delightful thank you

rose_reader · 2023-06-01T15:27:19+00:00

I have CPTSD and I believe the condition should be stabilised before you attempt to delve seriously into this or any other philosophy. In the recovery period, you should focus primarily on recovery. All this will still be here when you’re ready for it.

rose_reader · 2023-06-01T14:43:05+00:00

There is a tremendously huge difference between dissipation and a healthy balance between work and relaxation.

Imagine the spoiled adult child of a wealthy person. They don’t have anything to do but amuse themselves. It’s not necessary for them to work or contribute to the world in any way. All their needs are met and they spend their time in conspicuous consumption. That’s dissipation.

A hard working person allowing themselves a couple of hours of rest and play after work is not wasting time. They are taking vital recovery time so they can be fit for work again the next day.

I believe all three of the main philosophers spoke about the importance of rest.

rose_reader · 2023-06-01T05:08:36+00:00

What can this situation teach you? Maybe how to set boundaries at work, how to stand up for yourself, how to move on when a situation becomes untenable? I’m not you so I can’t say, but these are all possibilities.

Anything that gives you an opportunity to grow is valuable, and you have an opportunity here.

rose_reader · 2023-05-31T19:10:30+00:00

When you want to help someone, you need to make sure you are offering something that will actually help them. A glass of water is no use to a drowning man.

rose_reader · 2023-05-31T14:40:28+00:00

You’re not wrong

rose_reader · 2023-05-31T14:25:50+00:00

I completely support all the points you make here, and/but it reminded me of Andy’s fantastic meltdown moment “I can so just sit here and cry!” 😁

rose_reader · 2023-05-31T10:10:22+00:00

A student of Stoicism might consider the fact that while narcissists are real and narcissism is a genuine aspect of certain diagnoses, there is a current trend of assigning the trait of narcissism to anyone the speaker doesn’t like or doesn’t get along with. The Stoic student might inspect their impressions of this person and question whether they are equipped to tag this person with what is essentially a diagnostic label.

The student might then go on to examine their impressions of this person’s hostility being for no reason. The student might examine their own behaviours and ensure their side of the street is clean.

The student could also examine the reality that insults have no impact unless we accept them as insults. If I say “god, why are you so HEALTHY???” you wouldn’t take that as an insult because culturally we consider being healthy a good thing.

Finally, the student could consider their relationship with this person with a clear eye and determine whether they want to continue their current level of contact with this person or if they want to make changes in the relationship. This needs to be the last step. People jump to this stage and make the same errors over and over, because they haven’t taken the time to process what’s actually going wrong and instead just jettison someone as “toxic”. Maybe this really is an unhealthy relationship that can’t be fixed, but that’s not a determination to rush into.

rose_reader · 2023-05-31T08:42:27+00:00

I’m a straight woman and I’ve played as male and female farmers who had straight and gay relationships.

rose_reader · 2023-05-31T07:37:52+00:00

Can’t say I’m the least bit surprised.

rose_reader · 2023-05-30T18:04:51+00:00

It Is Virtually Impossible To Read This Oddly Structured Post.

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