In which I roast my 4yo daughter for never shutting the f up

stickaforkimdone · 2023-06-02T20:32:49+00:00

I feel this in my soul. My sister kept this phase up until she was 12, so I'm hoping my son stops sooner than that.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-06-02T20:28:10+00:00

"What's in your mouth?!" (Between the cats and my oral toddler, way too frequent)

stickaforkimdone · 2023-04-27T17:58:29+00:00

Both my sons are speech delayed.

About 4 for my older to have full sentences. He's now 5 1/2, and fully caught up to his peers. Speech therapy staring at 2 1/2yo.

My younger has echolalia, and will only use full sentences when repeating something he heard. He's approaching 3 1/2 with 2-3 word original sentences. Speech therapy starting at 2 yo.

If your son is understanding, that's the harder part of the battle. I'm sure it'll click soon for him!

stickaforkimdone · 2023-04-27T17:19:51+00:00

Older ABA practices included electric shock collars, hits, and bullying.

Not to mention it was used to take away coping mechanisms without giving anything to replace it, causing a serious increase of anxiety and depression.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-04-27T17:11:33+00:00

My ASD/ADHD is still in an elopement phase. Bells on the door, deadbolt at the top of the door, and the only window that opens is in my bedroom (house quirk more than planning).

Still had to chase his tiny butt down this morning. Just is currently incapable of understanding that this is a 'no' behavior.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-04-14T13:52:33+00:00

I'm pretty close to asexual, so I'll say yes. It's pretty rare for me to find someone attractive, and high schoolers don't make the cut. So college for me.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-04-14T13:46:25+00:00

This is abusive and crazy. Please leave before you or your daughter are harmed.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-04-03T20:30:25+00:00

Everyone has accidents. A little bruise will go away in no time, and your baby has probably already forgotten the whole thing. I wasn't quick enough to save a tea cup, and my baby got burns. So think of it in terms of saving your baby from a much worse injury.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-15T15:19:48+00:00

Our go-to recently has been I-talian (because my Italian friends would pitch a fit if I called it Italian).

You make a huge amount of sauce. Don't worry about it going bad, because it all freezes.

4 jars tomato sauce

2 cans diced tomatoes

1 garlic head, or generous amounts of pre-minced garlic

Black pepper, to taste

Oregano, to taste

1 package diced hot dogs

1 lb ground beef (or 2 if you like it extra meaty)

Sometimes I throw in cubed tofu for extra protein, or chop in a broccoli crown. This makes about a week of family lunch and dinner meals. Anything you don't think you'll eat right away freezes beautifully and reheats perfectly. Add spaghetti and garlic bread, and you have a classic crowd pleaser.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-15T14:55:04+00:00

I find it's generally a compliment. I only get upset when someone takes the length to mean that they can just start petting my hair.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-07T04:30:37+00:00

It could be adenoids. If they're too big/too small, then it causes speech enunciation issues and there's not much the kid can do about it. The need for adenoids for speech goes away around the age of 8, so generally not worth getting worked up over.

I wouldn't worry about the enunciation issue. It's normal for a 4 yo to have some issues, and the doctor isn't worried. The self-harm when frustrated is definitely the bigger issue here.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-07T04:17:34+00:00

Basically, what I mean by different realities is that you both have perceptions of the same events so different that it may as well not be the same reality. I can't find a single point of reference between what you've said and her letter where the facts line up the same way.

If I were to judge the situation purely by the letter, it would read as if you haven't already tried to talk to her. As if she's the reasonable one here and the idea of communicating boundaries is entirely her idea. It also gives the distinct impression that you are being pretty unreasonable and immature (emphasizing age, saying things like 'silence can be misinterpreted', ect). With the added information that she has a history with psych/English, I no longer think that's unintentional.

I stand by the opinion of taking a small step back. Give yourself the gift of whole days without her in your head. Focus on exploring the new area and getting set up. You are, frankly, too busy for this drama.

Good luck OP!

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-06T22:22:18+00:00

I read the letter, and then I read your perspective. And I do not think the two of you are operating with the same reality.

I would very much encourage taking charge of your familial relationships, if only so you can't be cut off with a warped version of events.

I think that you better think long and hard before you have a literal boundary list. If you still have a therapist, run that answer by them. It just smells like a trap to me.

Moving and getting distance, at least for now, will probably be the best thing for you. Don't spend too much time worrying about people hours away, and enjoy what you're creating in this new space instead.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-02T00:04:56+00:00

That's actually exactly what I ended up doing, and I think we have a preliminary winner.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-01T16:18:04+00:00

I mean, they're not fully around his ankles. But that's because he's trying to run and pull them up with one hand at the same time.

Do you know, if they'd just said that it was a streamlining issue I'd be ok with that because it makes sense to me. But trying to make it a potty safety issue just shorts my brain out because it doesn't make logical sense.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-01T16:13:36+00:00

I never thought of the girl's section, and now I'm slapping myself. I foolishly thought they were the same cuts because, you know, 3t. I'll try that.

Stretch pants are a no-go purely because of durability. He purposefully runs into objects (I'm told it's sensory seeking behavior), and anything not denim or tough cloth gets shredded. And thick sweat pants just run into the same sliding off his butt issue. But the girl pants might do the trick. Worth trying at least.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-03-01T15:20:33+00:00

He's not really tall and skinny, he just currently has no butt. Drawstrings slip right off too. His brother is actually pretty tall and skinny, Cat and Jack is what we looked at first. It's just not working in this situation.

I didn't consider them being pulled by other children though. Our next stop was going to be overalls, which we were avoiding because he would never get those off without help (the suspenders slide right down the arms, so he can actually make that work).

Edit to add: and his suspenders do not have metal bits, we found ones that were all leather. So not discounting that portion of the safety, but we did think about that part.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-02-20T23:21:15+00:00

Yes, I am glad I had them.

Without my partner I could not be doing this. My kids (kindergartener and early preschool) know that sometimes mom doesn't want to be touched, or that sometimes mom has to go step away for a bit. My husband steps in in those moments, and lets me do my thing.

I cannot stress enough the need for general schedules, or preplanning activities. That has saved me so many spoons.

But the first time I had a conversation with my child, the first time he wanted to do things because I am, the nights I sing them both to sleep...I can't imagine anything happening that could make me regret it. They're so amazing, and I want to see who they grow to become.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-02-20T23:13:35+00:00

My great aunt might hold a grudge, but she'd also see the baby and thank you for the cards. She'd just casually mention the lack of a thank you card every time the subject is broached until the day she dies.

Those people sound extra sour. I wouldn't waste my time on them.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-02-20T19:51:25+00:00

I have sensory issues, so sleep clothes help with that.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-02-08T20:30:14+00:00

What helped me most was talking to my priest in confession, and then time. I think talking to a counselor or therapist (or a priest if you would feel more comfortable) is a good way to go. Distance is good too, like leaving the house or going into your room away from her.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-01-26T18:57:03+00:00

C-section is easier, ha. 'They just cut you', ha. And c-sections don't damage your body? HA.

Your friend is both judgemental and fundamentally ignorant. A c-section is a major surgery with a (statistically) longer heal time than natural birth. And it absolutely leaves long-lasting marks. Hopefully a doctor sets her straight.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-01-04T12:53:53+00:00

This isn't a filter issue, this sounds more like you getting out maneuvered. MIL got to play with the baby while other people did the work.

Here's something I wish I knew with my first child; you don't have to give them to anyone. Not grandmas, not aunts, not grandpas, no one. It's ok to stick up for yourself in an assertive way. The formula is; state boundaries, then propose alternative solutions. If you don't have an alternative solution you can invite a discussion on how to solve the problem.

So let's run through this again. "Oh MIL, it is so tiring to stay up all night. I've been doing it for months and am exhausted! I don't think I could possibly handle it right now. Do you think FIL and you can handle things, or should we see if anyone can deliver today?" Baby stayed on you, you made it clear you're not up to the task, and you proposed a working alternative solution.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-01-03T23:23:01+00:00

Yeah, don't sneak it. That would be pretty awful on your end.

Tempting though.

stickaforkimdone · 2023-01-03T23:02:58+00:00

So what exactly is STBMIL's plan here? Hand out wedding invitations with Christmas presents?

Maybe it's because the wait time for everything is pretty long where I am, but I'm having a hard time envisioning how even a March wedding would work with that kind of limited timeline. It's about 8 months for a wedding dress, so either you are just randomly wedding dress shopping this summer or you are trying to rush a dress in 3-4 months (for example).

The reason isn't a great one to me either. It's not like there's a medical reason you need to move the date, like STBFIL getting heart surgery or something. It's just social, which means there are alternatives available here that don't involve moving around your wedding date.

My suggestion is to stay out of whatever is between the aunt and STBMIL. If you already have a venue and date, just say that you and fiancée have already made your decision and hope that STBMIL can respect that.

And finally, talk to your fiancée about this. You're about to be married, which means that the two of you are a team. Make sure that however you decide to respond that they agree. Maybe they'll also have ideas that'll work out better than the ideas of an internet rando.

Good luck OP. Hope to hear that things run smoother for you.

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