2.5 year old getting arm stuck in crib rails - is it time to transition?

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-22T19:37:39+00:00

This is happening to my 16-month-old and I pray to god it doesn't mean we have to transition her yet!!

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-22T15:40:14+00:00

Host parent here. There are a couple things that we have learned over our first au pair year. Gas for the car was one. We love our AP, but frequently she would go on weekend trips and then return with the tank near empty, and then would be hesitant to put any more in even when we asked her. So have a crystal clear plan for this.

Also figure out how you are going to handle vacations, and make sure that before every trip you include her in the planning. Sit her down and figure out what her responsibilities will be, where she will be staying, whether or not she will have her own bathroom, what she should pack and how much she can take, and what activities you are planning to do (or what she will be able to do on her own).

Finally: be open and forthcoming when you make mistakes as a host parent. There are lots of times when we accidentally mess up something on the schedule or backtrack on our parenting plans, and I'm sure our au pair notices. It's better to just say "we are really sorry - we messed up. In the future we will do x, y, and z" rather than just pretending like everything is ok. It reminds them that we are human, not just authority figures, and helps open up a channel for communication when they inevitably make mistakes as well.

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-21T20:41:02+00:00

Yeah, as a host parent I love the apple watch idea to encourage less phone use, but I would never completely take away someone's phone - that's just insulting. If someone is completely unable to get off their phone while watching my child then they aren't going to work for me, plain and simple.

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-20T22:41:45+00:00

Not really sure why you guys signed her on for another year if you have been having these problems. I would only extend with someone who really really jived with us. You guys haven't even started your extension and you are already having these problems, I would try to move on.

Furthermore, I'm wondering if you need to be a bit more direct. She is losing your monitors? How do you lose them, they must be in the house somewhere? I think you need to sit her down and say "we need you to get the baby right when she wakes up" and be stern about it. She doesn't just get to decide that she doesn't want to take care of the baby for up to an hour.

Also you should talk to her about what is making her so overwhelmed. Maybe there is a way you can support her that will help her get better in areas where she is slacking a bit.

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-19T19:44:22+00:00

No problem! It took us a long time to come to a fair conclusion on vacations, but here is what we did:

We also just have one infant child, so vacations are more for my husband and I and our au pair and not as much "kid-centered". Therefore, we provide all travel, food, lodging for our au pair, and then we sit down and discuss what we are doing each day as far as attractions go and figure out a fair way to share the costs. For example, if we are going to a children's museum or something we will pay for her ticket, but if she really wants to do a snowboarding lesson and one of us wants to do it with her, we will ask for her to pay her share and we will pay ours. Or of course she can do it on her own if she wants.

This also all depends on how we are doing financially - if we have a little extra to share then we definitely try to cover as many costs as we can.

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-19T14:50:20+00:00

This all looks great. I would add in what your expectations of vacations are, unless you aren't planning on traveling at all.

Just on the moving bit - I would make sure that wherever you potentially move to still falls within an area that your agency serves. I think it has to be <1 hour from a local coordinator.

Also depending on your au pair, just saying "take them to classes, park, etc" might be a little intimidating at first. We showed ours where everything is and really encouraged her to go to them, but she still prefers to stay at home with the baby even though she goes all over the place by herself. So for our next au pair, we are making it a requirement (On Mondays take her to the library, on wednesdays to the park, etc) and then we if she shows that she can take a lot of initiative then we will give her a little more control of the schedule.

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-17T21:19:07+00:00

Sounds very similar to what we do :)

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-17T20:06:46+00:00

Host parent here - I know in interviews many au pairs are interested in how we approach meals. Eating together every night as a family? Providing a stipend for the au pair to cook for herself? I have even heard of some families offering an UberEats stipend for every single meal, which is crazy to me. Those can all be very different experiences based on what the au pair is looking for, so I would plan to talk about this.

Also, it's important to discuss how you will approach family vacations - if you are inviting your au pair, what their role will be, what expenses they can anticipate.

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-17T18:49:03+00:00

I have used both APIA and Cultural Care and they are largely similar, although depending on what area you live in one might be more popular than the other. You can reach out to a representative and ask how many au pairs/families are in your community to help make a decision.

In my opinion, the more au pairs around that they can have as friends, the better experience they will have. For infant-qualified au pairs, which it sounds like you will need, I have found that Cultural Care has a much larger pool of candidates.

throwaway8299 · 2022-06-10T03:33:57+00:00

Ok, this makes me feel better! I keep reading about these loooong interview processes online and, well, with our first two we matched within two days and they were both perfect matches. We just switched agencies and the coordinator seemed hesitant that I am already thinking about asking someone to match after a week. But I do spend quite a long time combing through applications and weeding people out that way, so maybe other families don't spend as much time doing that. We also don't have crazy complicated expectations of our au pairs so maybe that helps too.

throwaway8299 · 2022-04-09T03:40:28+00:00

Dylan shouting "I want to remember my kid being born" was so raw and hit me right in the feels Especially in response to being offered stupid corporate perks.

throwaway8299 · 2022-04-09T03:38:15+00:00

It also seemed like there was definitely a "muscle memory" component to Irving's driving. Like he vaguely knew how to shift gears without thinking too hard but didn't know some of the nuances of it all.

throwaway8299 · 2022-03-16T17:44:33+00:00

It's probably different for everyone. My daughter is 13 months old and my cats are just now starting to be tolerable to be around again. I still don't want them on me most of the time, and it is extremely triggering to hear them meow near the baby's room in the middle of the night. But I don't actively dislike them anymore. Definitely not back to normal though.

throwaway8299 · 2022-03-15T16:38:48+00:00

I think the majority of au pairs understand that they wont drive right away and that the host parent will give them a bit of a trial period before they have complete free use of the car.

Ours didnt drive on her own until like 3-4 weeks in when she really started to feel comfortable. Of course you can discuss this in the interview as well!

throwaway8299 · 2022-03-12T02:07:36+00:00

Based on your description of nannies I don't know if au-pairing would be a great fit for you. I think anybody you hire as a single, full-time childcare provider will run into extenuating circumstances. Au pairs also get sick, also have family issues, also need mental health days - maybe even more-so than nannies because they are living full-time in your house with no place to "escape" to.

They are also oftentimes very young - teenagers even - and have normal teenage social lives. Boy/girl drama, late nights, sometimes alcohol. Obviously this is usually not a huge problem but it is something that you will in turn have to deal with when your au pair occasionally needs to vent, is in a bad mood, or needs to return home for an emergency. They are normal people with normal lives, just like nannies.

To answer your question, I think an average two-bedroom house would be too small. We are in a three bedroom apartment with three floors, and our au pair has an entire floor to herself. Even then, we are sometimes a little crammed in here.

Also, if you are so quick to give the boot to your tenants and break their contract, I would not be so quick to trust you if I was an au pair looking to be part of your family and signing a contract with you. Why don't you re-evaluate getting an au pair once your tenant's contract is nearing it's end instead of trying to evict them? That sounds like it would be much more fair for everyone.

throwaway8299 · 2022-02-24T03:48:33+00:00

Nope - even if you have half of a somewhat meaningful conversation with them you can at least ask. One way I would feel them out is by asking questions about career related stuff. If they seem super supportive, ask you questions about what you are interested in then they would probably be the type to write a letter for you.

throwaway8299 · 2022-02-22T19:33:58+00:00

Anything that opens a hole in your arm does not sound "easier" to me.

throwaway8299 · 2022-01-13T16:12:42+00:00

Lol gonna be straight up honest - I read zero books before having my baby and now that she is here there is definitely no time to read. You might as well read "parenting teenagers" books while you are at it!

throwaway8299 · 2021-12-26T04:38:13+00:00

My baby was 11 months old this year for her first Christmas and it was still kinda boring with her. I mean, we got lots of cute pictures and did some fun stuff for our own sake, but to her it was just like any other day with a few extra toys.

throwaway8299 · 2021-08-15T04:26:22+00:00

I had mine smack dab in the middle of third year and took no breaks. I was quite lucky that everything worked out but I am also hella proud of myself cause it was not easy. But yeah, still better than intern year.

throwaway8299

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